The Tales of Hermione Jean Granger: Year One - Comments

I found this story on comment swap.

I really like what you've done so far. A lot of people in the Harry Potter fandom don't really delve into Hermione's past or upbringing, even though she's the most relatable character.

I actually like the fact that the story moves along sort of quickly. Makes it easier to cram a long span of time into a short amount of words.

The only problem I have with this story, are the italicized words, makes it a little difficult to read at times.

Here for comment swap

I've read most of it and I have to say that I like it so far. The idea is great and I personally think you're working at a very good pace; not too fast, and not too slow. For your characterization I o believe that you're keeping Hermoine in character very well, and you did good with working through the parent's coming to terms with what she was.

As for he facts though you do have a few things off, such as the blast ended skrewts (spelling?) being made that early, i believe that they weren't made until the year of the tri-wizard tournament. As well a few of the things like the delivery of the letter is off, though it could potentially be left to interpretation.

There are a few grammar and spelling mistakes across the chapters, none too big, but they could easily be fixed with copying and pasting into word and doing a spelling and grammar check.

Overall I like everything and it's all very good. Your template is nice, though the italicized words are a bit difficult to read at times.

Comment Swap loves taking me to fandoms I don't care for.

Anyway, I will disagree with people's saying that it moves too fast. Having read all the chapters, I will said that it moves at a pretty even, but pretty slow pace. I would say pick up the tempo, get rid a couple of extraneous scenes, but it still moves as a decent pace.

As for characterization, I said you portrayed her very in-character from what I remember from the movies. I pretty limited on the subject of Harry Potter, but it looks like you did fine with her, as well as characterizing her parents and Henrik pretty well for being people not seen or mentioned in the movies (as far as I remember). Overall, pretty well-crafted characters and you captured the shock a parent would have about their kids being wizards quite well.

You are very good at describing the story, giving a lot of neat little details throughout the story such as the piece of vase almost hitting Hermoine's father. Yeah, it probably led to the sluggish pacing of the story, but it's very well done.

Overall, for a series I don't care for, it was pretty good. Wouldn't mind reading more chapters for it.

I agree with the comment below. It's to fast paced for my liking it also seems off plot slightly at times. Like when the letter comes it's mention in a book that someone delivers the letters in person to muggle born.
I really like the idea of the story...I personally love hermione.
I wish you luck with the story

Here from comment swap.

So I'm only on chapter one so far, but things are really fast paced, almost too much so for my liking. Maybe you should slow things down a little.
I like how you've portrayed her character though, I always thought that she didn't get enough attention in the books, so this makes up for that haha
I think your a good writer, but there are mistakes in here, both spelling and grammar wise, so watch out for that.

Overall, I like it, good job! :)

=)

I only read the first chapter and it seems really fast paced, not that that's a bad thing. Seems interesting enough. Keep up the good work! i like how you made Hermione seem kind of like the movie and you did a good job of portraying her characteristics!

I only got to read the first chapter because, unfortunately, I'm busy, but you've written something lovely here. I always felt like Hermione's was the least elaborated of the main characters' back stories, so the very idea of elaboration on the life of Hermione Granger is brilliant. The way it's been handled thus far lives up to the brilliance of your idea. You answer a lot of questions that some people may have been asking about Hermione and her parents in a way that makes total sense.

Excellent work, love! Keep it up~!

the long awaited update C':

Finally an update!:)

Been so long! <3
And yay Ron and Harry are in the next chapter <3

Oh my gosh, it had been so long since your last update! I love this though, it's so Hermione-ish! And your interpretation of Hermione's thought and things are perfect! I love it so much :') I hope this really does mean you're going to update again soon, I can't wait to read about her meeting Harry and Ron! gahh, love it! :D Good luck with the rest, and I'll have my fingers crossed for a speedy update! ;)

Btw, 'disapporating' is spelt 'disapporating' :D Other than that though, it's great haha! :) <3

Comment Swap:
You know what...I'm just going to subscribe to this and read it for the rest of my life okay? This is great! I don't understand why it doesn't have more recommendations or comments. It should have a million by now. I don't know what the hell to critique you on or what to say because it's oh-so fantastic that I'm seriously in love....so I'm just going to give you a virtual hug -Huggles you- because you are freaking fantastic and I'm going to give you a virtual cookie -Hands you cookie with smiley face on it- for job well done!

Comment swap sent me here and I'm so glad that it did! I love that this is from Hermione's point of view, I think that is so creative and you're doing an incredible job of writing it. I would not be able to write something like this half as well as you are! I cannot wait to read more!

~Comment Swap

omfg, this is amazing.

I loved the Harry Potter series and to hear it from Hermione's point of few is a brilliant Idea.

I hope you upload more and I'll be glad to read it,
Hermione is my favourite <3

Here I am, reading as I said I would, haha! I really love stories based upon Hermione's view of the story, I always wondered how she felt at times!

This is probably going to irk you to no end, but you've written 'Voldemorts' in the summary instead of 'Voldemort'. And it kind of annoyed me slightly, so I thought I'd say, haha!

I really like how you give a basic background of what's happened in Hermione's life, it really is quite cute to watch her growing up, almost, even at an accelerated pace. The only thing I could see in he first chapter is when her retainer "had flung from her mouth", which doesn't make much sense. I suggest looking at the use of the word 'flung'. You've also spelt McGonagall wrong, so I'd look at changing that.

The second chapter is absolutely lovely, and I really do enjoy your descriptions of Hogwarts. I also like how you don't have Dumbledore coming to show her majic. I really like Henrik, he seems eccentric and awesome. I have no other way to describe him than that, haha!

I'm going to continue reading on, but this really is fab, so well done! :)

This is a great story, you should definitely write more! Plus Hermione turns 12 almost at the beginning of her school year but please update soon!:)

Okay I'm going to comment as I go along so I don't forget anything. So yeah, this will be in perfect chronological order haha!

So first comment is a few paragraphs in, you miss-spelt 'Thestral', think you put 'Thesral' or something like that haha

Also later on, Hermione says to her mum: "I have do have rather a lot to pack." The first have should be taken out haha :P

Again, when you're talking about pureblood attitude to muggleborn, you've put 'sometimes would take prejudices against muggles', I'm not sure that prejudices is a word, and I think 'were prejudiced' might sound better, just my opinion!

Final thing, Hermione was actually almost 10 months older than Harry, although she was 11 when she went to Hogwart's, she turned 12 almost as soon as she got there (september 19th) so it would actually be her 12th birthday approaching! Haha just pointed that out, I don't know if you've changed that for the purpose of your story :) just a point haha

They're the only criticisms I can make (so sorry for pointing them out, feel horrible doing it but hope they help you haha!) And everything else is fantastic. I can sense this is going to be very long (given that we're 4 chapters in and she's not even at Hogwart's) and that is brilliant! Really detailed, really beautifully written! Gets better and better with each chapter!

Absolutely love it, you certainly have a talent for writing! :)

Great update! Come on, more plz?

Ok I'm going to try and make the longest comment possible here because of Comment Swap.
This story is very amazing. I love how it's based on Hermione Jean Granger, and it's turning out very great. Your grammar is excellent, the story is very well written, and what I really like is how some Harry Potter stories go out of places from the books and movies but yours stays right on track. Its so amazing, I don't even know how you managed it, only a truly talented writer could manage that. I like the Hermione pictures you put too :)
All in all, this is an excellent story. I keep rereading it. I would recommend it to ANY Harry Potter fan, it's so excellent and genius! I would never even have thought of writing a story like this myself. Hands down the best Harry Potter Hermione-based story ever written in history!
*Throws a rose*
@}---;---'--
Btw, that's a rose ;D