Someone's Destiny - Comments

I truly believe that you have something good going for you in this story. Your phrases are articulate, and your descriptions are vivid. I love the juxtaposition of a nice smell like lavender and some unseen danger. I know that you are going for approachable when you write this, but as a general rule of thumb words like "very" "really" and "somehow" should be avoided because they muddy the description. I am also a fan of the fact that the protagonist is a parent. I am interested in seeing where this goes when family is on the line. The characters are believable and the dialogue is good.

Comment swap summoned me to this story here, and I must say that for a first go around with it I lucked out. Personally, I'm not a fan of dystopian stories, but that's more a preference than any dislike for this story in particular. That said, this is an interesting story thus far with an interesting premise. Truly, I don't think I've seen a dystopian sci-fi with any major sci-fi in it for quite awhile (beyond super tech, that is; I'm talking aliens and such), so this is a breath of fresh air. Furthermore, the hook is very well-written, and it caught my interest right away, but it's a bit of a different mood than the rest of the story (thus far, at least) so that could throw some readers off. However, the prose is written in a way that makes it easy to read and equally easy to understand, but with some nice detailing. From what we've seen of the characters, they seem off to a good start, and it's not often (especially nowadays) that the protagonist is a parent, so that could bring about some interesting developments.
Overall, while I might not read more of it in the future due to not caring much for the genre, it's well-written and I think that you'll find your good share of fans- and rightfully so, for that matter~

Comment swap had bought me here, and I am thrilled because otherwise I wouldn't have read your awesomely amazing piece. I am not a fan of dystopian/science fiction stories, but this really hooked me in. The only thing I DON'T like about it is the layout. However, that does not affect the story at all. :)

Comment swap brought me here! I'll start by saying i'm not really a fan of the layout (not really sure what that image is in the back) but thats more of your personal preference then the story. The description is interesting and draws you in! The plot is clearly unique and I havent seen anything like it on this website. I thought it was very well written and I wish you luck in the future of your writing :)

As a big fan of dystopian novels I am really intrigued by this story. Your description of the room at the beginning of chapter one was flawless as were most of the rest of your descriptions as well. This seems really well imagined and thought out. I will definitely be subscribing.

@ Carrot Juice
Thanks for the awesome feedback! I totally understand the title comment, I am not great at titles or blurbs...not really my forte. I'm glad you like the story itself, though, that's really what I was more concerned about.

Also, I must agree, now that you point that out, holidays do deserve "Proper Noun status" :)

Thanks again!

Though the title might pertain a lot to the story, I find that it is not very eye-catching. The description is a bit too "gung ho" for my taste, and the overall mood of this story. However, as soon as I read the first paragraph of the prologue, I have to say that I am definitely intrigued. You have a knack for detailed descriptions and dictions. I love how you described his body as being carved from unwavering stone, and the usage of the nifty words such as epitome.

One grammatical error that I've spotted is that you didn't capitalize "Kris Mast". Even though she didn't know the correct spelling of Christmas, I still think that any holiday deserves to be written in proper nouns format if you get what I'm trying to say.

It is great to see another story besides Drama and Romance on Mibba. What makes it even better is that it features a man in his thirties instead of the usual high school teenager as the main character.

Congratulation on writing something so unique at such a young age. I hope this story much success. (:

@ Miss Vampire Is Dead
Thanks! And thanks for the warm welcome, I will definately keep that advice in mind!

Nce story; I love the concept. keep up the good work =3

Sounds good so far.
:)