Third Time Unlucky - Comments

Fascinating tale, truly unique really. I think you could add even more description about this hideout, the way you describe is it quite specific and intelligent. It's very well planned out!

The teacher you mentioned is incredibly creepy, maybe it would be better not to have him in the story, he goes after students as well as... anyways I like your focus on detail, but you brought in a lot of characters, so it does get a little confusing.

Also, I really didn't like the term "fat girl" that was kind of unnecessary.

The rest of your story is really good. Keep up the good work!

@ TheyCallMeHeyHay
Thank you so much, I look forward to your future feedback!

Excellent writing! It's something different that's not 'in your face' I subscribed. Keep up the good work.

comment swap brought me here, first is my personal opinion, then my professional. Ready? Alright.

Personal opinion: I loved this, honestly it's something completely and utterly different from what i'v seen, I enjoyed reading every paragraph of this first chapter and the summer. The background is beautiful and adds a real feels to the whole scenario.

Professional: The theme is very, overused one might say. The "High school" scene is used much much to much within stories, though this one I suppose takes the cake for being different from the others. As long as no zombies or vampires or anything supernatural is involved, it may remain a very good read. I myself can't stand how many zombie books there are out on the market today that has to do with high school students, leave alone the bloody "Twilight" scene. The whole super-natural thing is getting quite dull the more people over use it, but this is very professional and feels like a breath of fresh air, however. Starting off with so many characters may prove to be a difficult challenge. if you choose to play a part of view for each character make sure you get their personality's down to the T. If you don't plan on doing that however, perhaps try and make it so you don't have so many... too many characters can make a plot very difficult to progress and you can't verywell forget about character.
The last thing I have to say, is keep up the good work and I look forward to reading this in the future..

-J.C. Garland Weis
-Zeedus, The FrostLord.

~comment swap brought me here~ And thank God it did! I really, really enjoyed that! I love war fictions and this one is just perfect. You are really talented, I can't wait to read more! I'm so glad comment swap helped me find this!! <3 :)

That's great! I can't wait for the rest :) And that includes one particular event... Laura, I think you know what I'm talking about!!!

Feedback is, as always, very much appreciated.