July 28th, 2015 at 06:55pm
It's funny I should get this story using the comment swap feature since I just started writing a slash myself, haha.
I really like your characters. Ezra's life is so sad. :( I mean, his dad is so hard on him for no reason and the kids at school are just assholes. I like the character for Gatam too. He's really unique and the way you write him is perfect. You can just tell that he really doesn't give a shit about what people think of him. And it was super bold of him to stick up for Ezra the way he did in the second chapter.
This is well done.
The only criticism I have is your grammar. You just use commas where they aren't needed. For example, I think there was one line where you wrote something like, "The rest of the day, was [something]." That comma isn't needed.
Oh, the famous Yu-Gi-Oh! cards! :'D I remember when me and siblings used to be obsessed by them. XD Anyway, back to the feedback.
The moment when the teacher started the class with ' with his arms raised in the air as if he were a preacher' made me laugh.
Ezra's life is so depressing and sad. I can't believe how his dad acted and slapped him. Violence isn't the answer, damn you abusive parents. And even though I am religious I don't go around shoving my beliefs down people's throats, unless they're actually asking me about it or are curious to know. I don't also don't understand when others say "pray to God" and actually doing nothing as well.
*Deep breath.* God can't help me if I don't DO anything to help myself either. It's like sitting in a car and praying for it to start, but in reality I should've started the engine and prayed to guide me prevent accidents! Argh. Or praying for a good job to come along but I don't give out my CV and actually apply for them. Some people don't think, but not all religious people are them. Anyway, I didn't mean to vent or anything. Just thinking that if Ezra's parents are meant to be religious but are acting far from it, no wonder he doesn't even want to look for God. (I'm sorry I'm just really, really, pissed off at the parents and/or people like them.)
I really feel for him; all the bullying at school and then all the abuse at home takes a toll on a human being. I've only read the first chapter but I do hope things get better for Ezra. Nobody deserves to be treated badly/bullied. The Mohawk guy seemed really interesting!
Overall, I think it was written well. The emotions were high and well presented. Poor Ezra.