The Unseen Life of Ezra Yamane - Comments

@ Comrade Byzantium
Thank you for the comment:)

You've got a great concept here, and you've got a really good start to it. Your characters are all very well-developed and they seem real and are also somewhat diverse.
There are a few tweaks you could do to make it better. Proofreading would be a good idea, because there were a few places where it does distract from the story. Proofreading is always a pain, but it pays off to clean things up. Longer paragraphs would also be good, because right now it reads very choppy because almost every sentence has its own paragraph. You could add more detail to lengthen things. Showing us what's happening or what someone looks like works a lot better than just telling us, and it helps to keep the reader interested in what's happening.

-comment swap-

I applaud you for having the courage to write a sincere story with a subject of a homosexual kid in high school. I'm glad Ezra is actually starting to stand up for himself. Keep up the good work! :)

I really love a lot about this story. You took risks with it, which is honestly the best thing you can do to any sort of writing. Your layout also sets a tone for the story, and an edgy one at that. You used all of the topics that are damn near impossible to write about and wrote about them. Very well, might I add. So, good job for that! You definitely kept me wanting more.

I really liked the idea of this story. An awful lot of authors, including myself if I'm being honest, don't have the nerve to write about a gay character. I say kudos to you for doing it! I like the layout, perhaps you could update it a little, but it's still readable so it's good. I think the start of the story might have been a little over powering, you throw a lot of information at the reader and I didn't find myself wanting to read on because it was as if I knew everything just from the one paragraph. Also it seems a little bit much, like raping and making boys turn gay. I didn't like that. Although when I read on I found myself getting wrapped up in the story, so I'll say good work to you!

@ izzybvb
lol you would be correct;)

You are like dead ads punk rock aren't you XD

@ izzybvb
Haha right on dude!!

This story is supper awesome. Btw!!! I love it : )

My mom's best friend slash roommate slash best friends boyfriend (all the same person) was also is the guitar tech for the Ramons. They head-to-head backstage passes and shut and sat special, sometimes hanging with the band. He lived I my apartment. True story CD but now he lives somewhere else, well duh, since they obviously aren't right right out of college anymore and have kids and.... well yea. My parents were cool CD but now they are just annoying because they brag too much, my mom especially. Lol

@ Thyraize
Thanks I will as soon as possible. Been really busy lately:)

You should update this... It's stil awesome.

@ Chelsea's Dead Smile
Hahaha xD He'll never see it, too- Unless he reads this story haha

Lmgdmfao! Your message to your friend plus the story part made me smile :D

@ Chelsea's Dead Smile
Oh fuck yes they did!

They went from not even kissing to a bedroom scene? O_o

@ Deek8400
why thank you lol XD :3

@ izzycomeonuknowthis
Lol I like your comment the best dude! xD

This is so sad :( but really good... Update soon, I really, REALLY need to know what happens... <3

EEEEKKKKk THIS WAS CUTEEEE <3 <3 I love Gatam and way to go Ezra for standing up for himself :D