Bitter Revenge - Comments

Comment Swap!

This is a beautiful story. Nice complexity, which is what I like to see in stories. This is one of the best stories I've read on mibba.
Magnifick. I give you props for that.
Please do read my story----- Mibba

Greetings from Comment swap!

I enjoyed this story, and I must say, kudos for packing so much into a small amount of text. I know I would've needed dental chapters to get the story across. But just one thing, when Octavia stars going out with Ryder, I think there should be something to signal a change, like a line of dashes, or ~(insert passage of time here)~, just something to signal the change there.

I didn't see too many issues. Good job.

First of all, I love the name Octavia. So pretty!

I really like the empowerment this story encourages in women. It sucks that she was raped (that is such an understatement), but it's good that she didn't get in a rut and used that pain to motivate her to be great. I hope she falls in love with Ryder and they get the whole happily ever after, bla bla blah. x)

I'm excited to see what comes next. On to the next story!!

~From comment swap~
I like the title of this and the layout is amazing :D.I liked your story in the beginning it was soft and sweet and sad, but she was trying to get better for him. I still loved your details, and how you went really in depth with them,yes you described the story in a rush I can say,but is still amazing.I like the way its written. Its not really the kind of stories that I normally read but this is an exception. I'm going to recommend your story.This is great, because you say so much with so little.

Commet swap brought me here~ So i was only really able to read about half of this. In my mind it dragged on and I couldn't really get myself into it. The descriptions were okay I guess, but I couldn't really picture anything in my mind clearing. Like what another comment said, show don't tell because I felt like you were just telling the readers 'he was wearing this and she was wearing this and this is how they looked'.

Good choice in using kinda unique names, I liked them all. The summary captivated me fully and I just empathasized with the poor Octavia. Glad Marcella was there for her when she needed a friend. Amazing dude, write more. xoxoxo

Good choice in using kinda unique names, I liked them all. The summary captivated me fully and I just empathasized with the poor Octavia. Glad Marcella was there for her when she needed a friend. Amazing dude, write more. xoxoxo

comment swap brought me here :) dont take the criticism i gove you personally, i am pretty blunt about these things xD

- tense is a problem, at the beginning. not clear. e.g "Of course the hotel’s expenses would be held back from Sid’s pay because he isn’t very famous at the moment so I had to find a job soon."
- nodded* his head yes
- more descriptions please
- cliche images, e.g He was as beautiful as an idol should be.
- the protagonist has weird shifts in character, first she's all "i love you bebe" but then its so easy to make her hate sid. you have to make this shift in emotion subtle. you dont have to be so wordy...

to be honest, i think the story is quite cliche, but it is a good effort. it eems you were quite into it when you wrote it.

remember; SHOW the reader, dont TELL the reader what is happening

yeah. pure constructive criticism, nothing personal so chillax ily :)

Comment swap brought me here.

I love everything about the layout except for the banner, but don't take that too personally. I'm more of an indie-esque layout person.

For the most part, this story is good. Nothing really drew me in, but sometimes I'm just hard to please.

Love the name Sid though, it really fits his character. I say that because he reminds me of what Sid from Toy Story would be like when he grew up.

Like I said, overall, it was good. but I think if you took a little bit more time and fleshed out the characters some more, the story could be great.

Comment swap sent me here, by the way. So please read and comment on my story '24/7' :3 Hope you like it !!

Okay, so this was a very good story line and plot. Though, there were some parts where I got kind of confused. One was when Octavia just magically had the lyrics to show Marcella. There were a few grammatical errors, also. That's fixable, though. Overall, great job and you should continue writing! :3

I like the detail you've put into the backstory, but I think you could have developed your characters a little more; they seem a little flat in some parts. The narrator was also rather weak-willed. But you portrayed the tension very well, and I like how, at the end, she still has stuff to work through.

I realized that all the oneshots of your 'make me bleed series' are too long but I like that. That guy was an asshole. After everything she did for him, he treated her like shit. Why all the good girls fall for bad guys?! Damn. Xd

I realized that all the oneshots of your 'make me bleed series' are too long but I like that. That guy was an asshole. After everything she did for him, he treated her like shit. Why all the good girls fall for bad guys?! Damn. Xd