Endless Tears - Comments

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There is too much going on in your summary. All there needs to be is the summary. Any other information should wait until the author's note in the actual one-shot. Also, the Disclaimer is unnecessary, seeing as it is not a fanfiction. If you want any other info in the summary, it should be smaller.

Alrighty i just finished reading your short and i found it very well written except for one thing. it was so peaceful - calm- numb? i don't see this fitting in with calm and beautiful, numb with happiness, numb with joy, numb with enlightenment, see how numb just doesn't feel positive. Numb with cold, pain, hatred, torture, lust. it's more of an negetive.

But the rest is great and very enjoyable, not that it was a positive peace more of a sad cry-my-bloody-eyes-out peice. well dont, i see if i join this contest i will have some worthy compitition. mmmmmmmmm.... -_- Challenge accepted

I might join this one but until i have a story in mine just keep me in the maybe section, i'll inform you if i have something for you to read with in a week if i have someting for you to read.

I liked everything about this...layout, banner, summary and the whole chapter itself. It was so sad though how it ended. Layla died and I wonder how her boyfriend or her dad who caused her to kill herself felt after her death. Well done.

I liked everything about this...layout, banner, summary and the whole chapter itself. It was so sad though how it ended. Layla died and I wonder how her boyfriend or her dad who caused her to kill herself felt after her death. Well done.

First of all I like the little tidbit in the beginning about how Layla looked like her mother when he mother was young. So points for the foreshadowing. Some of your paragraphs need a bit of work because the subject changes randomly. Like the one where Layla's physical traits are discussed then you suddenly begin talking about playing monopoly.

Also about Aphrodite and Layla's friendship. You said that they stopped hanging out because Aphrodite wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, but later on they are interacting as friends.

You have a few misused tenses but other than that, there are no grammatical errors. You should probably put Layla's thoughts in italics so they can be separate from the main paragraph but that's just a suggestion.

Ok so when Layla's dad calls and tells her that her mom is dead, and Ramon walks Layla home...That was a bit odd. She didn't seem to be worried at all, even though she previously states that her dad sounded like he was crying. Even if she doesn't know about her mother yet, she could have at least ran, but instead she gets asked out, and kissed her new boyfriend. That wasn't very thought out or developed.

Anyway, be sure to check the contest topic on Oct. 8th so see if you won.