Last Hope - Comments

So, I came back to finish it.. All I can say is, wow. That's intense. Question: is this still active? If so, I'm quite interested in reading any updates.

I really like the idea of this story, though this stuff is typically my kind of reading. I read the first two chapters, honestly, and so far it's interesting. I'm going to subscribe and come back later to finish it and I'll most likely comment again with those thoughts. I'm kind of curious to see where you're going to go with it.

Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes because as you know I'm writing this on my phone.

So wow, this is great, it sort of reminds me of Tomorrow When the War Began The summary and short description really grabbed my attention. The layout is nice and simple, nothing distracting to the reader.

I love how they live in this dystopian New Zealand yet they still manage to have somewhat normal lives. I also like how a lot of things that would be odd to us seem so casual to them, like looting malls as if it's a normal day out and packing weapons as if they're essentials like clothes and toiletries.

Oh my god your description is too good, I was cringing as I read the part about she smashes that Omegas head in with a baseball bat. Good job though

There are some spelling and grammar errors throughout but it's not a big deal. This story is a great idea and so interesting, I've recommended and subscribed.

Your summary is really gripping, and I like the idea that there's an apocalypse setting with teenagers being the survivors. That's bound to make things more interesting And NZ, because more stories need to be set here There's a real nice flow to it all, between explaining some history and showing character interactions. A few minor errors, such as having 'too' instead of 'to' at one point, and some grammar things like having a capital after dialogue that ends in a question mark (such as “Have I done something?” He asks suddenly. - the 'he' shouldn't be capitalised). It's a nice start to what seems like it'll be an intense story full of drama

I read the summary and was like this is going to be amazing and i wasn't wrong. I love the style of you writing it is easy to read. I love apocalyptic stories. I have subscribed. I also love that this is based in NZ I'm australian but a lot of my cousins and Uncles are from NZ. I can not wait to read more. I love you description. I'm deaf and have been all my life so i don't know what things sound like. You used a love of visual description. Thank you for posting it.

I want to read more of this now... but I'm running behind on my christmas list... way behind as you can tell... anyways so to my point.

I read chapter one. I think I love your idea. The post apocalyptic thing is very interesting, and I adore those stories right now, so I'm really dying to get into your plot line. I like your writing style it's descriptive enough and gives lots of good insights for the characters. I adore that. The only thing that I saw that was wrong is at the end of the chapter you have a dialogue. Dana says "I wouldn't be happy if they put my into a different group from Jerome." Either change that to 'me' or add the word boyfriend and take off 'from Jerome." and you don't need that comma in that sentence either...

I'm definitely rec'ing this and subbing so I can get into it after I finish the rest of my comments. I look forward to falling in love with Jordy and Ryan too :)

The concept and plot of your story is great! You really do accurately capture the sense of unrest that would be present in a dystopian world like this. I like the sense of freedom that comes with the story too. Like, even though the Omegas are everywhere, there's barely anyone left to tell you what to do, so you can do whatever you want.

You also write action scenes very well. The scene where Jordan got cut by the Omega was written with just the right amount of intensity, and I think you did very well with it!

I'm also left hoping that Jordan and Ryan's relationship will improve, with it being on shaky ground and all. I don't know whether it will or not, but either way I think it'd be interesting to read.

There were a couple of small mistakes in this and things you could possibly improve on. Mostly, they were grammar mistakes which can be corrected, and in some of your earlier chapters you need to space out your speech and paragraphs.

One teeny weeny other thing I noticed too is that sometimes, you can lose control of your sentences a little. By that, I mean that you don't break up long sentences with commas in some cases. Only in some cases! It'd be a little bit easier to read if you did. You don't need to go overboard, just put say one or two commas in some longer sentences that don't have any :)

But apart from that, I did enjoy reading this! I tend to like stories like this that are set in a less-than-peaceful future, and you did a great job in making it an amazing story. Well done!

@ XXXataktoulaXXX
Yes I've been meaning to do that for a while now Will do Ma'am!

I think this is the best story I have read till now from you. The imagery and the characters are very nice and all that mystery around Omega and what will happen is just amazing. I like where you are going with this. The only thing you have to do is space your paragraphs and dialogue.

@ becalmandcarryon
Auckland :)

New Plymouth, in Taranaki. You?

@ becalmandcarryon
What city or town? If you don't mind me asking

Haha, yes!!

@ becalmandcarryon
Thank you so much You're a New Zealander too!

It's a really good story. I love it. :D

@ everybody dies;
Sorry not not replying to you Thank you very much, I'm going to go back through all my chapters and correct the errors and separate the dialogue from the rest of the text

@ becalmandcarryon
Thank you so much for your comment, I'll change the layout to make it easier to read, thanks for the concrit, it was really helpful. I'll go through and re-do the first chapter haha

I think this story is really unique. Like many people have said, it's nice because it's set in New Zealand instead of America. The layout is nice, except the red text on the black background is making my eyes go weird. The story itself is good, the Omegas sound threatening and the whole gang sound brave and tough.

You can describe them without feeding it to the audience, which is fantastic. When Ryan lists the groups it doesn't seem like he's speaking, but this is probably because it's in bulletpoints or because the text is middle. There are a few spelling errors here and there, and the dialogue should either be on a new line or indented, but apart from that it's a good story! Carry on writing- you're a fantastic author!

Your first line is really gripping, especially when you start talking about the fact that the world is falling apart, but people still go to school. Jordy is an interesting character, I like her flow of conciousness throughout. I always love narration because it gives a nice glimpse into the character that the other people in the story don't necessarily get to see (Jordy's annoyance/confusion at the group she was placed in, for example) and I think that's a really nice thing to have in this story.

The plotline itself is really interesting. Like someone said below, having humans be the problem is something pretty unique, especially in the latest zombie craze. I've not read many stories based in NZ either, so it's great to see that you aren't using the typical American setting for your story.

There are a few thing I would like to point out. When you're writing, you should separate dialogue onto separate lines as your paragraphs and character conversations all seem to be crushed together at times. This makes it really difficult to read. You also don't use punctuation at the end of your dialogue sometimes (it seems to be whenever there is no exclamation/question mark is needed). You should always use a comma at the end of a piece of dialogue that leads onto a sentence. As a quick example, “Finally” Ryan teases should be "Finally," Ryan teases.

But yeah, I really like the concept and your characters. You seem to be doing an awesome job so far, keep it up! :)

@ Grump Bunny
Thank you! Yay for concrit! I will go back and fix it :3 Thank you for this helpful comment

I think the idea behind the story is pretty good, and like the other story it has a very nice flow to it.
"scarred check before kissing his lips."
Should be cheek.

I think it may be a good idea to double space between the different speakers, so people don't get confused or lost in a wall of text. Good job though, I think it's really interesting what you're doing with this story. It's awesome.