This is actually really good. It's well thought out, well written, and you've definitely planned out each chapter. This story has me on the edge of my...bed? I'm not in a seat, so I don't think "edge of my seat" applies here. Lol.
I did see a few grammatical errors, but I won't bother pointing them out. I like this story too much :)
The plot is definitely different. It's a good different, though, so don't worry :) It's very unique in an interesting way without being one of those "not this again" stories.
@ Badinator LOL baden you make me laugh so much, youre awesome :D but i agree i cant get anough of this story, i always look forward to the new chapters that pop up
This is perhaps one of the most unique stories I've ever read here on Mibba. I've never heard of a plot that really stood out to me as much as this one did.
I love how simple your layout is. Easy to read, etc.
I do think your sentence structure is a bit robotic, but I'm definitely seeing that correct itself as your chapters progress!
Definitely keep going with this story, I'm intrigued by it!
Comment Swap~! Okay, this is awesome. I love the idea of the enemy being people instead of aliens/something supernatural like in most stories in this genre. The characters are wonderful, and the chemistry between them is realistic and endearing. You're doing a great job; keep it up.
This is a great story. The only thing I have a problem with is the way you have the paragraphs clumped together. Try spacing them out more so that it’s easier to read. Like this:
Hi.
Hi.
Yea, I know that seems a bit awkward. Other than that, I love all of the characters – your friends and you. This story has a lot of potential and I hope to read more soon.
@ xxMusiqueEstMaVie Thanks I'll be sure to keep the run on sentences in check. I am trying to work on that. I never thought of explaining how they got their weapons but if it's what you want to know about I'd be happy to add it in. Only the main character has a sniper rifle and there is a backstory to it. I currently have writers block but I think you've just helped me continue with the chapter :) so thanks for the constructive criticism.
Hi! Comment swap brought me here. I like how this is an alternate society, and the way you've set up the battling groups. There are however, a lot of run on sentences, and you need to be more liberal with commas. It would just make everything a lot easier to read. (I'd be more specific, but that's hard to do in the comment section) I think it's interesting how these teenagers have to defend themselves, although I am confused about how they got their hands on sniper rifles. I would either supply them with different weapons, or explain how they got them, but that's just me. I've never read a story that takes place in New Zealand before, so I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out!
Awww. I actually made a difference. Just asdfghjkl :D