I like the story about Sid's number - and Kelly's involvement.
It will be interesting to see where they go from here when they have to figure out how to deal with their "real" lives and how they can fit each other into their existing lives.
Ohh I love camping. Loved the update and you've really went down on the number of I's that you use :P I thought it was a wonderful update and loved Sid not being able to put up his tent.
@ soupy I loved writing this chapter, seriously probably my favourite chapter that I've written so far. I can totally picture Sid having a freak out for not being able to put up his tent. lol
It is nice that they have all these memories - both good and bad - because they will have quite the story to tell. It is interesting when you get both their perspectives on the past events - usually they are both thinking the exact same thing. The fact that they were so in sync, but just couldnt get over that teenaged awkwardness.
I dont think Sid "moving in" is too fast - I mean, if their mothers had their way, they would already be sending out "Save the Date" notifications!!
Also too, this is not a permanent move in - Sid will eventually have to go back to Pittsburgh, and they will really have to face reality of where their relationship is going to go.
Right now, it is just a summer holiday, playing house!
Can I make a suggestion? Try and structure your sentences so that you're not always using 'I', or at least, not always using it at the start of a sentence.
eg. I got dressed and took a deep breath before exiting the locker room. I realized my hands were shaking when I pushed the door open. I climbed the stairs up to coaches office to see a crowd gathered around his door. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I slowly made my way towards the door and scanned the roster. It was listed alphabetical and halfway down the sheet, my name shot off the paper. Kelly Nelson Defense.
Now, look at the edited version
Getting dressed, I inhaled deeply before exiting the locker room. As the door was pushed to, realisation that my hands were shaking finally dawned on me. I climbed the stairs up to coaches office to see a crowd gathered around his door. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten before slowly making my way towars the door to scan the roster. It was listed alphabetical and halfway down the sheet, my name shot off the paper. Kelly Nelson Defense.
It's a good story, but I feel like the way you've structured many of the senteces, my main problem being a lot start with 'I', deminishes what brilliance you could have if it was slightly different. Even some sentences with the word 'I' somewhere amidst the other words, could have the 'I' replaced if it was structured just a bit different.
When I say structured different, I don't mean changing the essence of the story by the way. But keep on writing, you've got a good story going.
As young teenagers, the "mixed CD" was always a way of expressing what you could not say out loud - when you had all these feelings but were not brave enough to make them known.
I think all of your selections are pretty appropriate for what was going on with Sid and Kelly.
As for present day - Sid and Kelly sexy time could prove kinda dangerous, especially out on the road. Could you imagine being a trucker and pulling up beside them.....