A Veil of Black and Gold - Comments

@ AJDWriter
Thank you so much for comment. Yea motherhood is tough, especially alone and I have a job trying to get another to start building a life for me and my kids so writing is getting really harder to do. But I'm trying to keep at it I'm in the process of writing more for the sequel which is basically just season two and I hope that it can be as good as season one:) thank you so much for commenting and best of much to you and your little one:)

So I'm a huge Daryl Dixon fan (I mean, what woman in her right mind isn't? ), but I really enjoyed the way that Natalie and Rick interacted together. I've never seen a Walking Dead fan fiction that incorporated more modern, realistic scenarios (i.e.. marijuana usage, drug deals, parties), and I think you combined the two really well here! You stayed true to the personalities of the characters and brought them to life in your story in a truly realistic way. I would, however, like to see Daryl a little more tougher. He becomes rather lovely dovey a lot quicker than I would have expected for his character.

I was a bit confused with the end to Chapter 7. There was no leading into the scene with Daryl. It was rather abrupt and there was nothing to prepare the reader for looking at it like it was just a dream. And I noted that as the chapters went on, your paragraphs started to grow longer and merge together, making the appearance of the chapters look a bit blocky. That has nothing to do with your writing or the creativity of the story, it's just more a comment on appearance and structure.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story and I think you incorporated an original character into this series flawlessly. I'm still holding out on Natalie and Rick, haha. You introduced them so wonderfully together. I was hoping she wouldn't run into Rael and Ray, but you took care of that so I'm a happy camper now.

So, unrelated to your story but in relation to your author's note in the last chapter. I just had a baby, one month ago, and I didn't realize how difficult it would be to keep up with my stories on here! I mean, I knew that my life would change and there would be little "me" time, but goodness, the fact that he screams unless he is being held is ridiculous. I actually started reading your story and formulating this comment with only one hand because my son wanted to be held. Thankfully my husband took over for a bit.

@ twinArmageddons;
Thank you soo much!

This story is so full of emotion! It's so tense and gorey. I got goosebumps and shivered in disgust and anticipation with this story. This story just portrayed the realistic side of some people right before the apocalypse. It was detailed to an extreme and was really good. Keep up the good writing.

I just want to start of by saying that you have a really interesting story title, and that the MC has the same name as me so I'm already very interested

Your character already seems interesting from the first few paragraphs, and I want to find out just why she likes seeing gore happen in front of her. The apocalypse doesn't seem like the kind of place many people would actually enjoy It was sad that she had to see her friend as a walker, but it's also good that she managed to get into the zone and do what was right. Too many times do we see characters almost dying (or being bit) because they can't 'harm' someone they used to know. I hope she'll continue to stay strong.

I do find it a bit strange that she's living with her father who seems like a respectable man because he's a lawyer, and yet he couldn't care less about his two children doing drugs in his house. The two children seem to me like they are still teenagers, rather than adults in their twenties, and I think this is further conveyed by the constant descriptions of music and clothing that all feels a little unnecessary. I think you've shown us their personalities enough without needing to hammer it home with more music and clothing tastes.

That being said, I do like how you set her up with Rick at the hospital. That's something I haven't seen before and I feel like it gives you a good basis for your story. Good luck with your writing!

@ CrystalBlueDisguise
Oh wow awesome thanks!

@ mrs.stiglitz4207
It's BBcode. Here is how to use it.

@ CrystalBlueDisguise
Ahh Yea that makes sense I usually use italics on my word but it changes it to normal when I publish it.

Um, so I read the first chapter and I will continue to read it.
It's a flashback halfway through the first chapter right?
My advice would be to put that in italics. It just makes it easier to read.

I loved that chapter! Rael's insane... I love it. lol
More pleaseee :)

@ iamthegear
Thank you so much:)

This is brilliant!

This story is amazing. And the heroin Bob reference cracks me up Omg Lol. Awesome story :)

Hi! Comment swap sent me here. Anyways, this story is very interesting and well written. However the paragraphs are huuuuuge which makes it hard to read. Also you have a couple minor grammar and spelling errors but that's whatever. Great overall

I enjoyed reading this a lot, it’s a good read! There are a few mistakes but they are easily done as I make mistakes all the time, it’s not the end of the world! I don’t understand how you can get reported for “not having spaces” between your paragraphs, I think if you can understand it and read whatever has been written then there is no problem at all! You can use a layout if you so wish too, the layout is hard to grab an understanding of first but I think you’re doing a great job! Criticisms help but in all honesty, ignore about being reported because you’re doing great. :)

@mrs.stiglitz4207
lol XB mmm add chapter 11... NOW! >8l

@ coolguy69 lol ant yur dumb XB mmm

D: *GASP* THE BONG!

@ ScoutNikhol you are a very lucky girl. I would geek the hell out, that boy looks sooo good and he kicks zombie booty

I met Norman Reedus the other day. He's so fucking sexy in real life. 0.0