Heaven/Hell - Comments

I’m officially super jealous of how good you are at prologue. Teach me your ways.

Again, I adore the plot of this story and I really wish I could write sci-fi as well as you can. I like that you had humans coming to Planet X instead of people going to Earth. It sets a really cool and unique tone for the story and I adore it.

The pace you set for the story is really great. You move along with the plot enough to keep me super interested in everything, but not so fast that I get super confused about what’s going on, you know? I always appreciate when I can follow a story really well, especially when it’s about a new race/planet. The descriptions you have a gorgeous as well, and they always have a purpose. You don’t describe something just to describe it, it’s always adding to the situation or the characters or plot or whatever and I love that.

And excuse you but that cliffhanger is not acceptable at all. Ahem. I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENSSSS.

Fantastic job as always, lovely!

Oh, wow, the way this is all put together so far is beautiful!

Hi there! I tend to comment as I read so sorry if it turns ramble-y haha.

I really liked the introduction to the story. It set up the details without dragging it out too much, and I'm already worried about Planet X. It did a great job gripping my attention.

Chapter one follows up on those details well. I like that you're slowly telling us more about the world - and you do it in a very nice, natural way. Some of your sentences feel a bit choppy though. I think it works really well in the paragraph explaining the operations, giving it a very clinical, clipped feeling. However, I'd try to combine some sentences to elongate them to add more variety.

Most of them believed that they [were] evil. Fortunately, their village was kind. >> I think you missed a word here.

"Hey!" [the] lighter red skinned Iridem yelled... >> Dialogue tag should be lowercase.

I really like the way you wrote this scene -- it flows so well and the dialogue and tension is spot on. It's definitely gripping.

I read through chapter two without any comment. I enjoy the pace you've set -- it doesn't move too fast to lose me, but you give the background info and action simultaneously, which is great.

Nice job capturing the emotion they're feeling as they're forced out of their home, as well.

Oh man. I apparently got sucked into this and stopped commenting, haha. So I'll wrap this ramble up.

This is very well written -- the characters are intriguing and their dialogue feels natural. The plot is certainly believable, and my sympathies already lay with the Human X and Iridem and I can't wait to see how they fight back! Everything feels well thought out and I can't wait to see where this is headed. Great job!

This is just absolutely fantastic.

The concept, for one, is just awesome. We have hundreds of stories about aliens coming to Earth, but I've never seen one where we go to their planet. For this alone, I bow to you.

Your descriptions are also so beautiful. There really is nothing lacking from any of this. You set up perfect scenes, and your characters are so well thought out.

Even before Silva and Demetria became a couple, I liked Silva. And then you shared pieces of his backstory, and I like him even more. They match each other quite well.

Ares and Ben getting in trouble was something I expected, and I kind of wish you hadn't gone that route. But, the soldiers attacking the base camp, that I didn't see, and I truly enjoyed that.

Where you left it is so... mean!

I truly hope you update this soon. I'm going to subscribe and recommend this.

(Also, the Stephen Arrow? Random or are you a fan of the show?)

Okay so I read it all and I want to just hug you. This is beautiful. The detail, the storyline, the speed, the characters, the creativity. Need I go on? Okay, I will, I adore that you created a new life on a new planet and made it into something beautiful. This reminds me of a series of books I read by Edgar Rice Burroughs, the Barsoom series about a guy going to mars. I never thought I would read something so like it again and that was disappointing, until I found this. Seriously. You write beautifully and this is an amazing work of art.

I did notice a few spots where words were missing, she should have been he and I think there may have been one or two words that were used that weren't the right ones, I think, but I can go back through tomorrow and pick them all out and send it to you if you'd like. It's not near enough mistakes to ever take away from the reading and I wouldn't have noticed them if that's not what I was reading this for (I wanted to leave a constructive comment on here and I got caught up in the story and lost track of what my goal was). Bravo! I'll be waiting for the next chapter!

I'm a couple chapters in so far, and I have to say the layout is beautiful! I do have trouble reading it with the font being so small.

This is a very interesting concept! It reminds me a little of Avatar, but still very different from it. The summary really captures you from the beginning and makes you want to read more. Two chapters in and I'm very curious to see where this is going!

I'm glad I found this. There's not enough sci-fi on Mibba, or it's hard to find. And it seems like no one's given this story any comments or anything for months? I think enough people commented on the layout and theme and such, and they're really nice, but personally I'm probably going to like anything if it's set in space or, you know, related somehow. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I'm only a few chapters in (I like the chapter length, by the way) and I'm pretty interested in where this is going, and I'm looking forward to learning more about the Iridem, and it seems like I'm going to because this story seems to be rather fast-paced. And while there are a lot of characters, they're all pretty easy to keep track of, which is another good thing.

Sweet baby Jesus, what did I just read?

First Impresson

Seeing how this is a story written by you my immediate reaction was to prepare my body for this. I really like the layout, its breathtaking and really sets the scene for you sci-fi action plan! In particular, I love the graphic at the bottom of the content section.

Content

There is so much happening in this story, that I think I am going to have to read it again. I really like the beginning. I loved how chapter one was set up as a file, it gave a lot of background information which was really helpful for the next few chapters.

I think I've got the general gist of what happened. There's a lot of characters though. I can't say I'm totally fond of the starting point. I wish it started just a bit earlier. With them just learning about the mission. I find it weird that such a large population knows about this in such a short period of time!

I love Silva/Dem they're super funny. The whole story really reminds me of Avatar though, and this is just a bit of a gender reversal which is always hilarious in my books.

Summative

I like where this is heading. I feel like Demetria is about to go total bad ass on them all and Silva's going to flip shit. For some reason whenever I think of Silva I picture Donkey Kong -- no idea. He just sounds like a giant ape man? Anywho, keep up the splendid work, as always.

ugh so into how Demetria's main concern, above all, is Ares
it's like Katniss and Prim all over again and the feELS THE FEELS NO STOP
also oh my god Silva hot damn
I FEEL LIKE SHE'S GONNA BE SUCH A BADASS WHEN SHE'S CAPTURED??? IS THAT WEIRD??

I AM SCREECHING OH MY GOD. this is my favourite story of all time. I am so damn happy that you updated it! The chemistry between Demetria and Silva is incredible -fans self-. And Silva is such an interesting character. I love how strong Demetria is too, and how she knows what she wants and how to kick ass. This story is so damn creative and perfect and AWESOME and really I'm gonna need you to update it everyday or I will explode.

okay srsly this comment sucks but my heart's all jittery and just know that this story is the best thing ever okay? -collapses-

omfg hot damN SILVA N DEMETRIA, GETTING SOME ACTION
and Demetria literally getting some action bc now she can actually join the fight???
way too happy that this is back (((((:

omg silva
ahhhhhhhhhhh
too much feels
so happy you updated too :)))

YOU UPDATED. And omg am I the only one reading into the fact that Silva looked at Demetria before he spoke? You have no idea how much I'm dying right now. I've ranted about how much I love a good sci-fi before but SILVA AND DEMETRIA OH MY GOD. SILVETRIA. DEMETRILVA. (please come up with something better those both suck) But you get the point.

Can't wait for things to start breaking out!

YES MORE HALP PERFECT
RIOTS PLS

DR. ARROW U NEEDA GO OK
DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THESE PEOPLE?
u suck ugh ihysm

Silva you are a hot mess and I love it.
You don't know what you've got coming to you, Dr. Arrow.
ON THIS SHIP UNTIL THE VERY END.
And holy moley I love you for updating this... short or not. I can't wait to see whose view it will be from next chapter.
This is my faaaaaav

WHY IS DR. ARROW EVEN STILL HERE???
SILVA KICK SOME HUMAN BUTT ALREADY

I have never read anything quite like this before... It's just completely, 100% original. It's clear to see how much you've developed the idea and concept in your head, and the rewards it brings are just amazing. I like visualising Planet X and the Iridem because you give such a unique identity to them. Your story is well written, exciting, and really fun to read!

I can't help but get the feeling that something is going to happen between Demetria and Silva. At first, they seemed like an unlikely match, but after reading the most recent chapter I can see that they would actually make a good couple. According to the rest of the comments section, I'm not the only one that thinks this :3 Seriously, they'd go well together :D

I recommended your story because of its awesomeness! Keep it up :)

So I had some spare time and I couldn't be bothered doing uni work so I went through your stories and hot damn they all look good! But I love me some sci-fi so I gave this one a go AND HOLY BEJESUS. This is fantastic! I know it's on hold (which is fair enough) but you have an amazing story on your hands! I've never seen anything like it. Plus you're an awesome writer.

There is just something about Silva that gets me going. Something about the fact that he hates humans but I have a feeling that he's got a soft spot (or at least, that he will develop one) for Demetria. Good God I ship them so hard you have no idea.

But yeah... this is incredible. Awesome idea, awesome characters and awesome writing. I appreciate that it's on hold though so I will wait as long as it takes you to get inspiration. WOOT LOVE IT.

ooh I thought it would be Demetria and Caleum, not Silva...the plot thickens...more please :)