Lumen - Comments

@ Nereid
Thank you so much for your kind comments! :) I must try to update this a little further as it's kind of fallen by the wayside a little. Hope to see you around here again! :)

Here from the comment swap! Really enjoyed reading these ten chapters:)

Your writing style is really nice. It's fluid and natural, very much like as if written by Helena herself. The religious aspect is very nice, I like how you tied that into being a Seer. The gold ring in the eyes is a nice touch, I thought that was great especially since I have a yellow ring in my eyes which made me smile when I read it.

It's nice to have a story set in Scotland. So many stories are set in America so making this a little different is great.

Well done on what you have written so far, I'll subscribe for sure!

(Also if you want a layout I would love to help!)

Here from the comment swap! Really enjoyed reading these ten chapters:)

Your writing style is really nice. It's fluid and natural, very much like as if written by Helena herself. The religious aspect is very nice, I like how you tied that into being a Seer. The gold ring in the eyes is a nice touch, I thought that was great especially since I have a yellow ring in my eyes which made me smile when I read it.

It's nice to have a story set in Scotland. So many stories are set in America so making this a little different is great.

Well done on what you have written so far, I'll subscribe for sure!

(Also if you want a layout I would love to help!)

Um so apparently Comment Swap is broken or something so that's why I'm commenting again. Like I said before, I really enjoy your style of writing. I just wonder why you didn't continue with it. But I understand. I've started so many stories and never have finished them. I hope you can hopefully revisit it!

@DestroyShelbyy thank you so much! <3

Comment swapper here! I must say, I am SO jealous of your ability to write original fiction. I've tried before and my advanced placement English teacher has pushed me too but I just can't seem to get it! Anyway, I thought this was brilliantly laid out. There's a sense of something that I really like with this. There's some mystery. And I loved how you started out with Helena when she was younger. Great back story. Keep it up!

@Jon Floseph
Thanks so much for your kind comments. I will admit that Noah and Sarah aren't fully fleshed out characters which I will need to address down the line so thank you for pointing that out as something to work on. :) I'm glad you enjoyed what I have so far. :)

I'm not getting any vibe on the personalities of Noah and Sarah. Is Noah the care-free spirit who would rather work with his hands than use his brain, and is Sarah emo? That's what I'm getting but I have no evidence in your story. I think describing them (through conversation and actions/ showing instead of telling) when you introduce them would be a great addition. :)

I forgot to mention in my last comment, but after reading chapter 2, I am enjoying the female main character. She has a good personality that is described through her dialogue and actions.

It is difficult to construct a first chapter that grips a reader's attention in order for them to keep reading, and eventually pull it from the shelf of a store and buy it. But you have a wonderful first chapter that is very attention grabbing! I am going to chapter 2...

@ dearfuturex
Thankyou! I'm so glad you liked it. :) And thank you also for subscribing. :)

-comment swap-
Beautiful concept, I thoroughly enjoy the idea and creativity you've given the main character. Her design in her ability is rather flawless, and I love it a lot. The grammar is beautifully spoken, though I noticed that in a couple of areas you had a few run on sentences. Not that much of a biggy, and a few typing errors. They're really too little to complain about, but I thought I'd point them out for you. In all honesty, this entire story is very interesting and I love it a lot. I'll be subscribing to it :)

Good concept, good grammer, good paragraphes, good just about everything. I like it, but then again there is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. So I can sense the blood in this, somewhere, it makes it more personal too, either your a good writer or have something in your life, but thats just me.

@ Strange Sort Of Evil

@ world

Thankyou both for your comments! :) I'm glad you liked it. The next update will hopefully be popped up soon.

Comment swap.

I like your layout, it's pretty yet doesn't take away from the story. You plot is adorable, it flows well and is excellently written. I noticed a few grammatical mistakes, but thy're easily fixed. Over all I loved it, keep up the good work!

Awh, this is an adorable story, I really like it. I was hesitant to start reading It for the most part, just because I had no idea what it would have been about and I'm weary of stories like that but it was good. I think that it's very different from things I see on this site, and very gripping. I do want to see where it goes, it's really gripping.

I couldn't see the layout for this story, just because I'm on my phone but I'm sure it's great.
This is very good writing I like it.

Sooooo happpyy I came across this storyyyy!!! I need more please! =) love how your developing the character and LOVE the whole idea of the souls! First time iv seen something like this one here! Great job and am eager for more!

this is an amazing new approach to a story. I think this is the first time i read a mibba story like this and i am honestly hooked. It is so different from the rest of the stories, like mine /.\ the way you started it off was brillant and i felt like i was actually reading a published book cx You managed to weave the childhood into the present very well although i got confused at some moments but no biggie. As for the layout, i actually like the colors; i see it as a description of the story: new, different, amazing, delightful.

Comment swap-

Okay, first off, I can't say I'm too fond of the layout. It's really distracting from the story. I like simpler layouts and yours just made the story a bit harder to read.
I liked the summary, it was short and simple and didn't give away too much of the story.
I like your descriptions. They're really vivid and I like Helena. Your story is really good, keep it up!

@ cadaveres literarios
Thank you very much for your comment! I'm glad that my character interactions at this point are realistic, it's nice to know that it works. :)
I'll see what I can do about the layout but I'm not very good at making them. :P