It's very good and the whole sick, twisted dad thing makes it interesting. I like that she's buds with the guys from MCR. They're awesome! So does it kind of take place in their early days, except Bob's there? The e-mailing and IMing are a nice touch. Do you mind a little constructive critizism? I think you should've built up to that point where he raped her. Maybe she could've made a couple comments on how she noticed the way he looked at her sometimes, or maybe how the hugs were a little too tight. Stuff like that. There's no need to change it now, but keep in mind the importance of rising action. Oh, and beware of the run-on sentence. :)
June 23rd, 2008 at 01:21am
