Collected - Comments

5 years later...and I am reading this and loving it? Please...continue?

This is great, really original Death Eater story. I've wanted to write a story about Crouch, but I haven't found a way to go about it. The chapters are really nice and long, but I wish there were more. Update soon!

Oh dear, oh dear! I do believe I am late for a date! A very important date! Yes, that was a very poor attempt at being the White Rabbit. Anyhow, I have 2... 3 chapters to comment on, so I shall hop to it now. (That pun was intended.)

Chapter 6

"It was Barty, her guardian, her savior, her protector." Your first comma needs to be a dash (-).

"before she felt her eyes roll back and her body sag forward, head coming in contact with the hard table." I felt like the 'in' should be 'into', I'm not 100% sure but see what you think.

"even if he wanted nothing more than to wait out the Polyjuice ad show her who he was." You just forgot an 'n' in the word 'and'.

"and the way he watched her was so beyond unnerving, she just wanted him to go away." I feel like you should start the last statement as a sentence. So it's 'She just wanted him to go away.'

Isola, Moody is your beloved Batty! Go on, guess! Wake up to it! It's the tongue! Come on!

I absolutely loved this chapter, I hope she figures it out soon! How long have we got -- wait I don't want to know. I want it to go on FOREVER!

Chapter 7

"Still, it hadn't hurt in years and years," Personally I'm not a fan of saying so and so or this and that. So maybe you could change 'years and years' to something like 'in so long' or 'when she was younger'. It's your story though, but I feel like what I have suggested gives a more accurate time period... Like I said, up to you.

"He watches Is like she's one of Wizards Most Wanted." Is there meant to be a 'the' in there?

"And, they would be his trusted followers." The comma doesn't need to be in here.

"though delayed responses was nothing new to her." Should be 'were' not 'was'.

"and even if he doesn't know who exactly you are" I think it reads better with 'exactly who you are'.

"Or, maybe he was just glad that she was making it so easy to keep tabs on her." Again, sweetie, you don't need the coma.

"But, she had looked so happy." Again, my dear, no comma.

"There were other matters to be dealt with, though," Drop your first comma, dear.

Isola, look at him, really look at him! Go on! Eurgh, I hope she figures it out soon! Righto, next chapter for me!

Chapter 8

"and Barty Crouch, Jr. kicked off his boots and padded into den," Is that meant to be 'into the den'?

"I was told not to bring home any more strays." I know that from somewhere... Let me guess, Doctor Who?

Other than that, sweetie, your mistakes seem to be minimal here, so glad to see that. And I just read your author's note -- I was right, it was a Doctor Who reference! *dances and jumps*

I really, really, really love what you're doing, it's very well executed. I want more Alexei, he sounds like he could be a bit of fun to know more about -- does Karkaroff know? I'm scared for Izzy now.

So sorry I'm late but here it all is, thank you for being an awesome author even though I'm a lame commenter for being late.

This is great! I need more :)

I'm really excited to see how she reacts when she finds out who Moody really is! :) Another great update! :)

I saw your change to the summary and it is amazing! Great job!

Upon reading just a few paragraphs in, I did notice a slight error: " -and Isola, taken back by this, had to admit that this peaked her interest." You should have it read " -taken aback by this,..." Nothing too major, like I said.

Another small error: " -with who would be brave enough to enter their name to the cup." I believe it's " -into the cup." Again, don't fret, it's small.

You're just forgetting a minor comma in this sentence, I'm sure you know where to place it: "Crouch Sr. may have been viewed as a good wizard, and yet,".

Overall, you didn't have too many errors this time around. I really am enjoying the fact you made Isola retell the killing curse, not have Mad Eye calling on Potter for it like it was stated in the book. It really makes it feel like your story.

I'm also wondering where you're going to the Tournament, how much it will differ from the book, considering most of that part is retold from the Trios point-of-views/Longbottoms point-of-view.

Good job! I look forward to more when you're ready!

This is so different to most of the 'darker' Harry Potter stories I've read on here (in a good way). I really like it though. :)

I just read it and it was perfect! :) Can't wait for the next one. :)

I adore this story! :) Please update soon. :)

I saw your note about not getting many comments, and I'm not one to usually do this sort of thing. I'm more of a silent reader, even though I know that annoys most authors, but I really am most intrigued about this story.

I subscribed last night to this story, and I do have one question: Is this a three-way love story, or is Crouch, Jr. just playing the role of the father? Please let me know, as I do think David Tennant is absolutely a gorgeous man - you also never see Crouch, Jr. as a love interest either.

I also adore that you have put your own spin to J.K. Rowling's already published books, the back story is a delight to read. I like that you kept true to Iris' (Isola's) persona and attitude, she's not fake as I feel most people do over-the-top mean, whereas your characterisation feels just right to me.

Kudos to your hard work as it really shows, and I really would love to see where you take this story! You also seem really on top of your grammar and punctuation, too, that's a plus!

Overall, I really would recommend everybody on mibba reads this story - a fan of Harry Potter or not!

I need the next chapter. I love it already. Keep going. :)