Dreams - Comments

@ Charity M. Lewis
Thank you so much for the beautiful comment, you called it perfect!? That means so much to me

@ hephaestus
Oh, thank you! I'm not really 100% familiar with all the Mibba rules and guidelines, I'm working through fixing the structure at the moment!

@ BaconAndopolis
Thank you so much! I don't see a lot of futuristic stories on Mibba either, hmmm

@ Death The Angel
Thank you so much!

@ Kinki Jinki
That means so much coming from you, thank you so much

@ yukinoshita yukino;
Thank you so much for your lovely comment

Layout: Super pretty. I like the little aztec border thing you got going out. Caute.

Summary:WOoo! Future based story I'm excited. Ha. I don't see many stories that are based off males that are also like futuristic bad ass stuff so that really drew me in. I'm also wondering like what exactly is the Glow so I would read to figure that out. Then I read the rest of the summary and I'm even more interested.

Chapter 1: It's short. Just looking at it. Which is cool for a first chapter since you don't want it to be like overwhelming. I really like the way you describe dreams in the first sentence and tie it in with the chapter title.

The whole chapter is actually written well and makes me want to continue to read the rest of it. I also like how the chapters alternate so you can get a concept of both characters fully.

Its just perfect. I love it.

I like this, nice work! The only issue I have is how the paragraphs need to be double spaced or you risk getting the story removed from the site.

I'll continue reading when I have time!

First off, I love your layout. It's so mysterious, and so captivating. I'm already drawn to the story just by the layout. The story itself is really great, I have only read the first chapter, but I already like how wonderful the ideas are. It's different. I love how futuristic it is, I haven't read many stories that were based in the future.

Keep up the great work! :)

I really liked this, it's unique and different. It has a nice flow with sentences and I couldn't stop reading this. I fully got into this Good job!

@ aleumdaunn.
Thank you!!! I will get onto your story ASAP xxx

comment swapperoo!

let me just start off by saying that i absolutely adore the title & the futuristic touch you've put on this is amazing. i like the fact that you've put a summary since not many people do that. they usually use a quote or a lyric to sum the story about that. what i recommend is that you go back and proofread the summary for while it's really interesting, it has a lot of awk sentences and i think you can draw in a readers attention with a swift proofread.

oh my goodness this is just written fantastically! this reminds me of stephanie meyers "the host" and i really adore it. i just read the first chapter and though it was short, it was very strong with descriptive and detailed words. good luck with this! rec'd this.

@ midnight sunshine x
Don't be sorry! It's really good. I plan on reading the rest as soon as I finish my other candy comments. :)

@ Lulie Belle
Oh, he's human xxx thank you so much for your comment, I really need to read through it a bit!!! :sorry:

Hi. So, I love the idea of this, and I like your writing style too. I would advise maybe a read through of the chapters because you have little things that could easily be fixed with a quick read through. Like in the first chapter (not the prologue) you have a line that says Accidentally throw a ball at your head teacher’s head once and you’re damned for life the first head before teacher shouldn't be there.

I just read the first chapter for now, but I want to see where you're going with it. Oh and from your summary I thought that Cole was supposed to be a Cleanser, but he's human, right?

I remember reading this before! I'm glad there are few chapters already waiting for me to read, so I don't get left with too many cliffhangers. Haha. But I like how you've decided to steer the story. I love the part that looks into Cayden and Kadence. Even though Kadence initially doesn't see the Cleaners as doing anything wrong, Cayden makes her aware of the human's side and their reasoning.

But now that Kadence and Cole have met, I'm excited. And Cayden survived right? What happens when he turns up again? D: Either way, I'm looking forward to your next update. :]

Hola! I'm here from my comment swap blog ^_^

I'm really liking this story so far. It's one of the most original stories I've seen on here in a very long time. The idea of the Cleansers and The Glow is so interesting to me. I don't know. I guess it's because I have a weird fascination with aliens and such.

Your writing is also very intriguing. Introducing new things in almost every paragraph had me at the edge of the seat the whole time, wondering what was going to happen. And I like the name Quest. I don't know why but it sounds cool xD

The only thing I would really recommend is that you separate all the paragraphs. You do it sometimes, but others you leave them in clumps. Separating them all is easy to the eyes.

Other than that, this is really good ^_^ To the next chapter I go!

I have fallen in love with the very first line. Dreams are demons... To me, that is wonderful because it's truly how I feel. In fact, that entire paragraph is perfection.

Okay, so I'm going to comment before reading all of it because I already plan on subscribing. I love how in detail you've gotten. It looks like you either planned this all out or are very good with keeping up. There are names for everything and they fit perfectly. I also like the way you describe The Cleanser's feelings about the human race. It actually suits how some humans think of others and even a bit more extremely, how some religions think of others. Though it's science-fiction, it's very realistic, in a sense.

The second chapter gave me chills, especially the end. When he stabs her, I was happy, but then realized he probably just made himself a real big enemy. I do love your main character though. He seems like a tough cookie and as a somewhat obvious prediction, I see him being a hero. Of course, from the first chapter this story had sucked me in. I'm excited to read more because this is an incredibly unique story.

Just keep writing!

@ dougie poynter;

Thank you so much! I will definitely do that from now on! Xxx :-)

Your prologue / first chapter is really good, really hooks the reader in. I love supernatural-themed stories and this one puts forward an idea that I haven't read about before so I'm super-stoked to get properly into this story!

The idea itself is really interesting and it seems as if you've put a lot of thought into it. I like the idea of the Cleaners being like evil terrorists and the Rebels being against them. I also like that you show both sides of the fight because sometimes, it can be difficult to see someone else's point of view why they do the things they do so I think it'll be interesting to see how Kadence gets along with Cole and how this whole thing panned out. The idea of The Glow and how it seems to kill people is an interesting concept as well, I want to know why that happens so it'll be interesting to find out how that all links in!

The only thing I can suggest as constructive criticism is to put spaces between your lines of dialogue. All dialogue should have a blank line between them if a new person is starting to speak. For example:

Sorry, it’s Cole,” I hurried; I didn’t want anyone to catch me.

“Why didn’t you say so in the first place? What’s wrong? You sound worried.”

Even then, that's only a minor formatting error. This seems like really interesting concept and I can't wait to see how you continue it!