Is This What You Meant by Forever? - Comments

Candy Bowl! Candy Boooooooowl!
Okay, first of all, I'm speechless. I am completely baffled. I am in awe. I love the terror of this, like an imaginary friend gone completely and horrendously wrong. I love the fact that he wasn't even imaginary. I loooooooved this entire thing. I was just beyond words to comprehend this. Holy crap. I grabbed my hair and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, whyyyyyyyyyyyy"

ahem. All in all, holy crap, this was awesome. This was really creepy and malicious and dark and awesome. Loved it.

I honestly am a little scared

I honestly am a little scared

Kinda creepy...but I loved it:) Can't wait to read the sequel!:)

Kinda creepy...but I loved it:) Can't wait to read the sequel!:)

At first, I was frightened, as I could feel and hear him, but he was out of sight; however, I later came to terms with that fact, under the impression that he was here for only me, like my own guardian angel—though I so desperately wanted to see him, to see my brother, my love.
There should be an 'and' after 'brother.'

Unfortunately, I didn’t get far, for as I was walking around the back of the school to the parking lot, Jordan Pritchard, my biggest enemy, slammed me up against the red wall.
You can remove the 'for.' They can be separated into different sentences. Combining them into one whole sentence just like that seems very overbearing and awkward. There's too much going on in one sentence, to be honest.
Well, after reading all of it, all I can say is: that was pretty odd. It's very peculiar and also different from what I read. It was creepy too!

The dialogue definitely added to the depth of the character as well as the actions done by the character. Other than that, the choppy sentences disrupted the flow a bit and the one-shot could have used some more details in some sentences since some seemed kind of plain to me. It was more of telling and not showing. Anyway, this is a good story but it could still use some proofreading. You can ask a beta reader for some help.

This story was absolutely amazing. My heart is racing from reading it. You're an amazing writer! Twitch was creepy and I can't wait to read the sequel

This story was absolutely amazing. My heart is racing from reading it. You're an amazing writer! Twitch was creepy and I can't wait to read the sequel

this... Oh goodness! I love this. It's so different. It's creepy and beautiful! It's well written, and I love the descriptions, the dialogue adds to Twitch's character. I think you did a great job :)

This is definitely a very unusual and interesting piece of writing. It's not really anything like what I've read before - but that's most definitely not a bad thing!

I was a little confused by the basic premise at first. I guess I spent most of the beginning trying to work out what was going on rather than just going along for the ride, and I thought maybe Benjamin was schizophrenic, or there was some sort of Jekyll/Hyde thing going on here. The way that you described their relationship - as obsession rather than love - was very interesting, and Twitch was definitely scary. The description of the personality switch, the way Twitch took over his body, was also very well written.

If I were to criticise this story at all, it would be to say that little things (the waking up scene, Twitch's converse and appearance) felt maybe a little forced, and that I did find the centre alignment of the text to be a little distracting, but honestly those are both matters of personal opinion and don't really reflect on your skill as a writer at all. Overall, I thought this piece was very well thought-out and put together.

Congratulations on a very coherent, original and interesting story! Well done!

So, I kind of love this story... Even though it scares me.... My heart is still racing from reading it. You are an amazing author. This has just the right balance of crazy, insane, and amazing. I'm glad I chose to read this story.

I haven't figured out yet... Is Twitchy like a demon who survives by feeding off the live of the people it stays with, then killing them?

Or is that just what happened with Benjamin? And, when Benjamin would talk to Twitchy, could other people hear him? Is that why his mother had him taking pills?

Either way, I really loved this story, and I plan to read the sequel.

Wow, this story is so great. I did not expect that ending at all, but I definitely love it. It is both messed up and absolutely perfect. And I like Twitch's character a lot. He intrigues me and he's perfect, sweet and evil and just fantastic.

I'm a little confused though; so, he was a figment of Benjamin's imagination? And did he walk up to the the little girl in his actual body? Wouldn't that be a little creepy?

I'm pretty sure I'm just overthinking this, haha. But anyway, I love this story so much. Your writing style is amazing.

I can't even begin to explain how much I love this story. It's messed up and beautiful in all the right places. I can't wait to read the sequel. Amazing work!

Comment Swap:
I was a little confused to begin with but once i figured out what was going on i really enjoyed it.. The idea behind the plot is so unique, i've never read anything like it.. and your description of the main character and twitches relationship was really good.. the story is beautiful, and i'm gunna read the sequel right now x

Yeah, I'm going to read the sequel just right now! Can't waut of course ;)

@ StrychnineTwitch
I'm so glad you love it!
I absolutely adore Billie Joe as the Reverend, so of course I had to write this, yeah? Ahaa Did you check out the sequel?
I love your username. (-;

Wow! Just wow!
I love Twitch! I just love it (well look at my name). This is the first fiction I read here and it's amazing.

Thank you for entering my contest, love.
This piece is so dark and almost sinister that it just has to be classed as beautiful. You idea is so original, I have never read anything like it before. I honestly cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this, you are a fantastic author, and the layout plus your banner made it even better to read. You have excellent chances in the contest.

This is beautifully creepy. It's such a difficult concept to grasp, and you've portrayed it amazingly. I was a bit confused at the start as to who Twitch was, and I love how you wrote his dialogue phonetically. It made him seem more real, in a sense. I can't give this piece enough praise, and I love the custom layout.

Comment Swap!
Wow, this is really good! it's such a strange and twisted concept that really gets to you if you think about it too much. The writing style is very smooth and consistent, with no gaps or strange moments. I really really like this!