Hey Pretty Girl Can I Have This Dance? - Comments

Oh my sweet baby Jesus! That was so spicy but so good. ;) Geno is gonna flip when he finds out.

Oh you went there alright!!!!
Amazingly hot chapter, I loved it.
I wonder how she will feel in the morning? It didn't seem like she was planning on doing that until she got drunk.
Cant wait for more
Also nothing about your writing bothers me and I don't even notice grammar errors lol keep up the great work.

Comment Swap :)

Okay I'm letting you know now you're not gonna like what I have to say because to be honest I didn't get through two paragraphs. The layout is very telling of what the story is (Another girl in love with a pro hockey player) which is cool, but it is distracting from the text on the page (which is barely visible). What I gathered from what I could read is that you need to be careful of switching back and forth between first and third person points of view. However, I could tell automatically from the bit I did read that your protagonist is quite realistic.

I'm really sorry I couldn't get through more.

I agree with the comment a couple spots below me... If you're looking for some constructive critisicm, your grammar and punctuation could use a little work! But it is definitely not terrible, just some improvements here and there!
However as for the plot, I am enjoying seeing their relationship grow, I cant wait to see where this continues!

Cute chapter!
I'm interested to see the sleeping arrangement, I think come cuddling would be really sweet.
Cant wait for more

Wait i do have a suggestion/thing i want to see happen. You probably are going to do this but, can you have Eka dance for everybody or just sid?

I have no suggestions because this is perfect. I love how you aren't rushing the relationship with sid and that you are letting it develop at a normal pace.

You could use a beta reader for grammar and construction, that's generally the best way to learn is to have someone go over your stuff. We learn by doing and honestly a lot of the little stuff which is so important just needs to be a=learned through repetition. It's one thing to be told, it's another to see an error pointed out each time you do it. Because, honestly, we all have our own errors and foibles that we make and we don't always even notice them anymore since they are ours.

One thing that would make it more readable is to use punctuation within all quotes. ' "My cousin Evgeni" I say' should be "My cousin, Evgeni," I say. You need to use an additional return between paragraphs so the paragraphs are set apart from one another. It makes it more readable. Also, if you change who is speaking, you need to use a paragraph break in between.

"Blah blah," I told her.

"Yadda snort!" She exclaimed.

Grammar and construction can be hard to learn but it's wonderful you want to learn. OTOH, you cannot teach creativity so congrats!

Thanks everyone!
Next chapter should be up either tonight or tomorrow :)
It depends on how late I work :/

Your not doing anything wrong that was a great chapter. The language barrier is adorable and could make things very interesting.
Very much looking forward to their date.
Great job.

I love the already:)

PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ lexwashere22
Oh my gosh thank you so much! I'm working on the next chapter now :)
Do you have any suggestions?

Ok i am officially obsessed with this. It is sooo good. :)

Thanks everyone for commenting! The second chapter is almost finished so it should be up in the next couple of days!
And thanks Jayess... I asked my grandfather who speaks fluent Russian and he said yea, its like that. Its the feminine side to that name. I'll change it when I get the chance! Thank you also Macastel! If anyone notices anything wrong please tell me! I'm looking forward to improving my writing!

I really love this! Good work.

I think her last name would be Zukova, not Zukov. Women's last names are constructed somewhat differently than men's if I remember correctly.

Very interesting so far! I'm curious to see where this goes! It looks pretty good so far as a new writer! I actually like how you write them with slightly broken English, it keeps it more realistic in my mind. Keep up the good work, update soon, I'd like to see how this continues!

I'll try my best!
Thanks for commenting!