A Rose by the Shore - Comments

Please post another chapter, I swear I am loving every single bit of this story. I will freaking post this story and advertise it. It is absolutely amazing.

LINCOLN OMF TELL HER
TELL US
omfg
Lincoln is so dirty
"spanking you all the way home" i'm dying yes goodbye
LINCOLN AND QUIINN JUST NEED TO MAKE OUT ALREADY
ALL THIS SEXUAL TENSION AND IT'S ONLY CHAPTER 3 O GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT'S NEXT
although i am dying to know what Lincoln looks like omg

bABY GIRAFFE O GOD
THAT IS NOT WHAT LINCOLN IS
oh my god he called her a fuckin squirrel i'm pissing

UNF BAE
LINCOLN C'MON
zayummmm this Cody boy is fineeeee

CODY; YAAAAAS.

Also, I'm beyond elated that this story is back
:D

YES
YES
YES
I'M IN LOVE WITH LINCOLN
and did you edit the layout? i feel like you changed the banner but it's–if this is even possible–even MORE gorgeous than it was before!
QUINN IS SUCH A BADASS

OH MY GOD
DOES PARRISH PORTRAY LINCOLN
AIYAH
IF HE DOES
BE STILL, MY OVARIES
i do remember the other Lincoln was super duper hot as well yes yes
can't wait for the rest ;))))))

I'm v excited and have immediately hit recommend and subscribe. I can only imagine how well this rewrite will go and I only wish I could've seen the original! Best wishes for future updates!!!

actually crying
pls update
like soon
(now would be cool too)

mooooore D:

i truly love this! i adore quinn, she has such a strong personality, and lovely. lincoln seems like a babe. xx

Comment on chapter 5:
Oh my God. That almost-kiss was too nice. I loved that ending. It was really fun to read chapter five- fun enough to make me read the sixth chapter. So I’m gonna comment on chapter six right here.
Mistakes:
(I’m not gonna mention typos and punctuation errors here, anymore.)
“Don’t you want to keep Lincoln for yourself?” Asked my older cousin, Clara. (I myself most of the time prefer the reverse order. But I read in a very good book that most editors think it’s old fashioned and it’s not appropriate much anymore. So maybe you should use that. You could just say: “My older cousin, Clara, asked.)
I’m thinking this paragraph is funny. But you don’t necessarily have to use it right now. It’s completely irrelevant here and it’s absolutely distracting. If there is even a sentence or a phrase that the reader can do without, it means it has to…GO. I’m talking about this paragraph:
---I never knew how to properly function around small children. From what age to what age was……Do I just leave my thumb in their mouths or is there some kind of count I must do before pulling out?---
I don’t like this part of the descriptions: He moved his body closer to mine (You might think I’m a pervert, but it seems more like a sensual act rather that a friendly one.)
I on the other hand could care less about gardening (could=couldn’t–if you’re emphasizing the fact that she doesn’t care, you should say “I couldn’t care less” not “I could care less”.) --Same case here: I was sure he could care less who his partner was as long as he got to find the vines so I made him partner up with Josie.--
Comment on chapter 6:
I swear, a smile is on my face the entire time I’m reading this thing. I was my favorite chapter. And I actually learned a few things about how to write. I’m gonna read the seventh chapter now. :-)
Mistakes:
“Fuck you and your damn life—I’m letting you drown next time!” I was angry, really, really angry. (I think this is the first time you’ve used language like that. And this type of sudden and unnecessary language only increases the age rating.)

Chapter four:
Great ending. This chapter’s ending couldn’t have been better. I loved it. I really do want to know how the things go between Val and Quinn and Lincoln go. Obviously Quinn likes this guy. But for some reason, she’s denying her feelings. I’d love to know why that is. So I’m reading the next chapter now. I’ll comment on it soon.
Errors:
"I see you two are some kind of team." I groaned. (: ) funny)
The relaxing sound of rain fall… (Rain fall= rainfall)
…so I squinted my eyes and… (Squint is an intransitive verb. You just squint, you don’t squint your eyes. So the correct form is: “…so I squinted and…”
…watching his chest rise and fall in a slow rhythm... (When we’re asleep, our belly rises and falls. That’s the way we breathe in our sleep. So it’s wrong to say I watched his chest rise and fall. That’s the way most people breathe when they’re awake. (These two types of breathing have specific term. I just don’t know them in English.)) Of course, I might be wrong : )
Val snatched the apple out of my hand and took the blame for all the catastrophe. (all the= the entire - catastrophe is singular here, and you should use ‘ the entire’ not ‘all the’)
I raised and eyebrow. (and=an)

Every time I try to submit a comment on this story my computer doesn't let it go through, so I'll try again sigh.

KENT IS MY FAVORITE. He seems lovely, besides that pool thing. That sucks. But his personality is all happy and just fabby. I like him. He def needs to stick around.
Lincoln is jealous, ooh la la. I have a feeling I just will not be a fan of Val, okay. She may just need to go somewhere. Like... Canada, bc Lincoln and Quinn. Not Lincoln and Val.
WHO IS SERENA THO. This is great and I love it and can't wait for an update, weeee.

(might as well comment on your too gorge layout that makes me want to die with lack of skill, wah)

I love this new layout, it's pretty! :)
And I loved this chapter, it was fantastic. I loved Kent, though his little pool stunt was not cool. Poor Quinn, that must have given her a heart attack. He's just so friendly and happy. I quite adore him, though it's obvious that Lincoln does not haha. I can't wait to see what happens between Quinn, Lincoln, and Kent. And what will happen with Val because I don't think Lincoln was too impressed with her. I can't wait to read more!

I remember when the first chapter was written then lost internet signal before subscribing ik! glad i found it again!

First off I love the new layout. It's lovely just like the last one was. The new chapter was amazing! I like Kent's character. For some reason I picture him to look like Tom Welling...
I like how playful he is and I can sense some sort of rivalry between Lincoln and Kent which is HAWT.
I can't wait for more. Please update soon <3

KENT OH MY GOSH I LOVE HIM
OOOOOOOOH, LINCOLNNNNNNNN ;))))))
you betta getcha girl, i've got a feeling that Kent's friendly in a whole other way..............
VAL
YOU NEEDA GO
DONT BE ALL SEDUCTIVE AROUND LINCOLN HE HAS BEEN SPOKEN FOR EXCUSE U YA LIL MINX
Serena what is up with u omg waaaaat

I love kent and LOVE that Lincoln is jealous, and what exactly I the age difference between Quinn and Lincoln? It's a great update and can't wait for the next

Woot woot an update.
LOVED THIS. Kent's such an awesome character! I love that you gave him depth -- you're really good with your characters. And gooood is Lincoln jealous. I love it. It makes me excited. You go get yo' girl, boy.
I really hope nothing happened with Val. Oh and this Serena thing is KILLING ME WOMAN. I'm so intrigued! I have a feeling that this is a big turning point for the story.

AHUNKSNKNJKL LOVE THIS SO MUCH YOU ROCK.
P.S. your layout makes me want to cry

(Comment on Chapter 3)
Staying in a beach resort? Yes please (haha, funny)
I liked the way you described her feelings in this chapter, too. (I was mentally punching…)
You described even the cat’s thoughts in a funny way. Ha ha.
I’m waiting for their first kiss.
Is there going to be sex in there? :D :D (Sorry. Didn’t mean to sound like a perv)
(I'm sorry. Is it Ok that I submit a different comment for each chapter?)

(Comment on chapter 2)
Positives:
1. The very positive point about your narration is that although your character is a tough girl, the narration isn’t an annoying tough-guy act. The tough-guy thing has become very popular among writers nowadays, but is much less favored among readers. Readers tend to hate it when the narrator puts up a tough-guy act and sucks the story into the graveyard of lost and never found!!! So that’s one positive point about yours. The character is tough, but not annoying. I hope it keeps up like that.
2. I rearranged the golf clubs so its logo showed on the outside of the rack while I said, "Is this what old people do, complain and hold grudges?" (He’s only 29. Wow, where did you come up with that? (Chapter 2))

Mistakes (These are very minor mistakes. But I pointed them out anyway, because I’d like to see the story in perfect shape:
1. It resulted me in not being skinny like my sister
(I think that’s wrong and the correct form is: It resulted in me not being…(Informal) or It resulted in my not being skinny…(Formal) (Result is an intransitive verb. It can’t function as a transitive verb)
…idiot friend almost made my sister and I road kill.
(My sister and me road kill. You can’t use ‘I’ here.)
2. “…even get to keep his number!" Complained my older…
(Complained isn’t supposed to be capitalized here. C should be in small form)
“Hello Helen.” Greeted the man.
(Greeted isn’t supposed to be capitalized here. G should be in small form)
…and stupid white v-neck and stupid navy blue Polo shoes.
(v must be V and capital)
“I am, I’m walking around to see if my visitors are having a good time.”
3. I never understood why some people never took full advantages of their opportunities…….but I ended up going to the University of Washington.
(Your attempt to inject the reader with background information is more than obvious. But this seems and feels and looks like the wrong place to drop in that bit of information) Same case with the following paragraph:
From what I’ve heard from tourist and a small number of locals, Crowley Island was beautiful.……out to the horizon and the moon shimmered in the water, luminescence radiating off the surface.
(Does this seem like the right time to give discretions? I think this one is unnecessary and should be kept for later. You should have waited till the main character had shown eagerness (Maybe even wistfulness to visit that place. Or you could wait till she had actually visited the place. The description is fine, but it’s just misplaced.)
Again here:
It had four, thick pillars in the front of the hotel and three more sat on top of the roof of the……but on top of the third floor was what appeared like a pool looked over the entire resort. (This bit of info, at least to my opinion, is completely unrelated to… everything. You could just bite that off!)
4. I walked passed the tourists who were doing tourist things
(Correct form: I walked past…)
I usually wasn’t rude to people, but lets…
(Correct form: but let’s…)

5. The first chapter ended very interestingly. The second chapter was indeed going very interestingly. But I didn’t like the last part. I mean, I don’t like it as a last part. It can fit anywhere else, but just not as an ending to a chapter:
He looked disappointed. “You really can’t remember me, can you?”