The Struggle of the Underdogs - Comments

Hello from comment swap

I have finally found one!!! The story that makes your bones chill. The phrases that palpitate your heart with every alliteration. The unlimited joy you feel from every sound as you read the words aloud. The perfect descriptions, a wonderful diction. A story with meaning, truth, reality. A story not about bad break ups, or affairs, nor of vampires and wear wolves or stereotyped high school nor poor immitations of abuse but real stuff????? My,my, goodness. A true piece of art this one. What I have found, what you have written dear scribe, is something this generation is beginning to lack, loose, forget. A reason to write. (Pardon me, I'm a bit of a nut, haha but this is just outstanding)

@ Chasing Cars
Thanks a bunch! Sorry about the spacing issue, I started editing what I've written so far and forgot to finish.

I only read a couple of the chapters, to be honest. However, I thought it was an overall good story. I like the idea of the whole thing. A small town's order is shaken up by one girl from a different town. The whole feel is great. However, the spacing seemed to be a bit off in a few places, but maybe I'm just weird. I just don't like how cluttered it looks, but whatever. Otherwise, it was written very well. I liked it. Good job mate!

@ yukinoshita yukino;
Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

I've only read through the first few chapters, but I like what I've seen so far. At first, I got the impression that this'd be a funny story, but maybe it was because of the town's name. After reading more into it, I was able to get a good sense of the story and the characters. They have interesting speech patterns and I'd just recommend adjusting the spacing a bit. Paragraphs are good, but sometimes I lose the dialogue with them. :] Keep it up!

@ SirDelta
Okie dokie! Thanks for the feedback!

Nice name of the town, I always have trouble choosing a name personally. But like me you have some minor gramer errors throughout the writing. I'd give this writing a 10 out of 16.8 just because it took some time to make sence. seemed like a nonsence story but its not to bad.

@ laredo.
Thank you very much! I'll be sure to use your advice to improve the story!

Comment Swap:
You have a really cute story here. It was really charming, and I thought it was cute how he named the town Noodle. To be honest, I wish I could live in Noodle, Indiana. But you have a knack for storytelling. It doesn't move too fast but it doesn't move too slow either.

I would do a few things to improve, though, like separating dialogue to make it easier for the reader to understand what is going on and proofreading to improve on grammatical errors.

Your story is great and it has a lot of potential. Good luck with it!

@ Ocean_Song
Thank you! Will do!

@ infinitepastelmew
Indeed it is!

@nightwish435 well then, that's a pretty efficient way to pick a town name~ :3

This is a really interesting story (in a good way :) Keep up the good work!

@ infinitepastelmew
Thank you very much! In all honesty, I randomly picked the town's name.

(sent by comment swap) I absolutely love your town's name XD~ How did you think of that? I also love you vocabulary and over-all professionalism of the story.

@ di-nex
Thank you for the honest feedback! I'll see what I can do to make sure that the story doesn't continue to be boring

so, i was sent here by the comment swap.

first of all - I LOVE town's title, hahaha :D
i like your style of writing, i mean, vocabulary, because it's really extremely rich.
however, to be honest, i got bored after two chapters and just skimmed through the rest. i don't really know what's wrong with this story that it made me bored, maybe the storyline seemed too ordinary. i'm really sorry i can't explain it but that's just how it is.

@ writingismypassion23
I love your story because you've made the main character deaf, which I think is an awesome twist that will lead to a unique story!

@ writingismypassion23
Thank you so much!! I'm flattered that you think the story and my writing is so good!!

Holy crap I just realized you commented on my story, how does my story have ANY appeal, compared to this?! Haha, I'm serious!

I honestly do not know what to say!! I don't!! This, without a doubt, is the best story I've ever read on Mibba. I agree with the comment below mine.... are you like secretly Suzanne Collins or Lois Lowry?! Haha. I have to say that the events are a little quick, however, I certainly would not change them. You have found the perfect balance between moving so slow people stop reading, and moving so quickly we have to read it three times to see what's going on. I strongly believe Mibba novels are different than real novels, so the pave you've set it perfectly fine. You write with a certain aspect of uncensored honesty and I love it! You are extremely, beyond my comprehension talented, and I cannot wait for more!! Ugh, you are just so good!! haha, never, ever, ever stop writing!

God Bless!!

Olivia