Looper - Comments

Why is this not published? If this was published, I'd so pay to read it. (Though thank God it isn't because I'm broke ) And I thought your other story was good. Jeez, you're so talented! I've never read a story with a plot like this before. It's so original to me! If you can't tell, I'm just so in love with this story.

I love how she realizes what she's doing is so wrong and against the rules, but she's doing it to cover up her mistake. And the ending of the first chapter was just perfect. "She would take another Looper’s mark and give the boy a body before the other Loopers found her and tore her apart." I mean damn, I wonder what they're going to do to her!

Keep up the amazing work on this.

This comment is going to suck because it's just my usual gushing over the perfection that is your writing. Yeah, you're one of the best writers that I have ever read, professional or not.

This is so adorable. Nic, the way you write is really beautiful and I feel like i'm right there in the story. I can't wait to read more. :)

Love it! You're so amazing, please stop. No, actually, never stop.

Some things I noticed, seperated by chapter:
1. "but projections of his will" - should this be His like the other capital h's or am I being stupid?
"see the tiny will of his in his" - there's a word missing and I really want to know what it is.

2. "They had went to various places" - they had been or they went.

This story is heavenly. I love it, so please try and muster up some inspiration to continue. I love it, I'm going to recc it to all my friends.

Wow, just reading the summary and its already great. Very attention grabbing. This is a really unique plot and something I could never think of either and literally every detail you put in here is great without going overboard . I've only read the first two chapters and I'll definitely be reading more!

Update this now or else

Your summary really captured me. It’s really gripping, you know? It was very well-written and that’s a sign that your story is grammatically correct. What a story is all about is found in the summary. The summary reflects the content of the story, in my opinion. If you have great grammar and a gripping summary then the story itself must be grammatically correct and equally gripping and interesting. I absolutely adore your summary even if it was an excerpt. It was a great excerpt. It fits the category of a good summary.

You missed some punctuation here and there but that’s not a huge deal. For example, this sentence is missing a comma and possibly, the word “the”: The Director created everything; the universe, galaxies, solar systems, planets, Earth and with His will [comma] he brought forth [the] Loopers.

Actually, I’ve noticed that you’ve forgot a lot of commas.

The young Looper's eyes moved over the sidewalks, watching people of all ages, different sizes and skin colors varying as they weaved their way through each other.
The sentence would sound much better if you put the word “varying” before “skin colors”.

Something about this confrontation was wrong; and she could sense the fury and adrenaline radiating off the bigger male.
I remember a rule in grammar stating that you can’t put a semicolon between a certain word and the word “and”. A semicolon is used to connect two separate independent clauses. They eliminate the pause between the sentences without the use of words such as and, but and yet. Basically, a semicolon functions the same as the conjunctions that I’ve mentioned.

The grammar is great but like I’ve said, you’re missing some punctuation marks and that, for me, becomes distracting. You should proofread the chapters again or ask someone to help you in the Ask for a Beta Reader thread (I don’t remember the name but I remember it as such ).

The concept of the story is very different. It’s unique and I enjoy reading it very much. It’s riveting to read because of the details that you used. You didn’t go overboard with the descriptions or details so some features were left to the reader’s imagination. The flow between the chapters was very good. It flowed pretty well and I can see the connection, the interplay, between the chapters. I’m excited to read more of this! I’ll probably go back to my status as a silent reader

Kudos to you if you reached the end because this is one long comment.

The summary really grabbed my attention when I read it. Definitely one of the better ones of I've read. First of all I'd like to say that this story is really, really unique. I have never read anything even remotely similar to it and I'm loving it! Your writing is amazing! The description is just perfect and beautifully written. Your characters are also really good. I like how they all have distinctly different personalities right off the bat! The flow is really good too and I love how you explained enough of the world at the beginning of the story without slowing the story down at all. Everything about this story is just fantastic!

I'm going to subscribe to this because I can't wait to find out what happens next!

I don't think it's possible for me to dislike something that you've written. You have such cool and unique plots in all of your stories and write them so flawlessly.

I really like this plot. I've never really read anything like this, which is part of the reason I liked it so much. I also like how you kind of took the idea of there being a God and angels and put a spin on it so it was similar but a lot different as well.

And your details, gah, they were great. Every chapter was beautifully written and well thought out, and the details were so clean and simple and lovely. So many people write fantasy-type stories and don't think them through, so they seem really choppy and confusing, but you've really taken the time to think out all the details and it showed.

I can't wait for the next chapter, another super lovely story!

I love it. It is beautifully written, descriptions clean and clear and bright, and gives an air of deeper knowledge, almost forcing the reader to continue because of her curiosity to know the answers. And the concept is so unlike any other I've seen on before. I see plenty of works about ghosts and time travelers and other supernatural or science-fiction sorts, and I believe this is the first time I've read a nice, well-written story about souls and their caretakers. I hope an update comes soon!

Aw, the summary is sad but piqued my interest well. I’m excited to read the first chapter already.

This is so interesting and so original to anything I’ve ever read, which is hard to do considering hardly anything is original these days. That being said, I love how easy it is to follow and when reading this, it’s almost like knowing what Loopers are is common knowledge. I liked that you added the Convenant list at the end, because it gave more understanding to us readers and it was interesting. I also like that you’re not dumping slabs of information of the world you’ve created, and rather we’ll be reading along to it and finding out things along the way. Your writing is beautiful (if I haven’t said it already) and it flows really nicely. This isn’t a typical read of mine but I will be subbing to see how this goes!

you have such a gorgeous update. I especially loved how the turmoil going on inside the body of the human with Ross's soul and the other human's soul reflects on the turmoil going on inside Althea, the struggle to identify between wrong and right and the struggle between her feelings and the rules she was created to follow.

I'm patiently waiting for more and I'm so glad you have not rushed the story in order to address the questions that we all have; it gets more interesting this way and it allows you to expand on this universe that you have created.

Wow, that first chapter was pretty amazing. You have a beautiful flow of words; when I read, there's nothing choppy and your grammar is on point. I love your descriptions of the character's appearances as well. I don't hear the cliche things, but instead your descriptions come together to form the flow-y sentences I mentioned before. Also, I just want to tell you that this story idea is amazing. I'm subscribed, haha. (Oh, I love your layout. The layout is simple and the blues nice.)

This is absolutely fantastic. I don't even know what to say about it.

You present the idea with such grace and fantastic execution that it's not difficult to understand and it feels like common knowledge.

I like that at the end of the second chapter, you listed the Covenant, it just gave a little something more to it.

The descriptions you use are flawless - like how Althea's voice breaks from disuse or how a soul's voice is different than the "solid flesh of a body." There's something in your writing that reminds me of JM Barrie, a certain whimsicalness to it, that makes me adore this story even more.

The interaction between Ross and Althea is also well done. I like that he's willing to trust in her, and she feels enough of a "nudge" that she's willing to chance this on him. You don't have to tell the reader, they really get the sense of the characters' connection.

Overall, I think that this is fantastic. I'm so happy you commented on my blog and I look forward to reading more of it, whenever you upload more! Great job!

xxx Bee

This is such a cool idea, and I can't wait to read more.

This is such a unique story idea, and I love it. Again, the writing is just amazing and I can't wait to read more!

To start off, I love the blue layout. It feels so air-y and light. It's wicked relaxing and it made me feel good as I went to read the story.

I said this before but your writing is flawless. It's good enough to be published and I think you could be with the top authors if you tried. Seriously. Especially with a creative idea like this.

I don't have much to say about this because I have nothing bad to say. Unless you want me to keep praising you, because I'm jealous of how well you write. It's detailed, perfectly detailed. I subscribed and I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

Comment Swap Forum Thing;
So first of all, I really loved your description. It really sparks up your curiousity and makes you want to read it. The story is really unique. I've never read anything like it. Your descriptions are really amazing. I loved the relationship between Althea and Ross. Even with just two chapters you really managed to capture it. But I've got to say though, the whole looper thing kind of confused me and I think you could have explained it better. Even if I'm sure it'll clear up as you go along I still think right from the beginning it could be clearer. Other than that it's really good! I can't wait to see where you'll take it. This has loads of potential. You've set up a great plot.

You are a genius. I love the idea of Loopers. I do think it should be explained a bit better, because I was confused on what exactly the point of having "marks" and things are. I kept comparing them to angels and giving them a heavenly concept, or even Reapers from Supernatural. Hopefully I'm not completely off, but feel free to hit me up and let me know.

I love that they're breaking all the rules and she keeps questioning why she's doing what she is doing. I also think it is really funny that the guy doesn't say much. He's just like shell shocked. Can't wait to see how this progresses. It is beautifully written, and like I said before, you are a genius.

I think the concept of this story is just brilliant! I really like the whole idea of it! I think it's my favorite of your two stories I read. My only real issue with it is the understanding of the Loopers. I think it's a little difficult to pick up on exactly what's going on with them. I get that the Director let's them save marks that need saving, but I don't really get why. I think it would be neat to see more of the motivation of the Loopers and why they do what they do. Just a little more insight into their purpose to help the whole thing make more sense. Other than that, I liked this story!