Looper - Comments

Hahahahaa! I have finally gotten to reading this!
This was brilliant.
Absolutely amazing and beautiful and I love it.
The idea is great and your description is perfect. Your grammar and punctuation and everything else was amazing too.
I always love your writing.
<3
Subbed and Recced, my beautiful writing genius!

(I typed subbed and my phone corrected it to rubbed, haha)

This is such an awesome idea! It's so unique and interesting and GOD DAMNIT IT SENT BEFORE I FINISHED
and I love all supernatural type things so this is perfect! I love the way you write it flows so nicely and your descriptions are perfect and I love the main character, she's such a bad ass. She knows she's going to get into trouble but she does it anyway because she's trying in her own way to do the right thing. The atmosphere you create is great too. Basically you are an awesome writer! c: The ending of the first chapter is so dramatic omg.

The second chapter's awesome and I think you've set up a story that can go on so many directions and I'm really excited to find out what happens :D Again your descriptions and overall way of writing is just perfect I'm in love with it and this story and I can't wait to see who the other looper is and what they have to say!

I really love the concept of this story! I like how you created the Director and the Covenant, and I think the Loopers role seems very interesting. I also like how you added the rules of the covenant in chapter 2 and they like of remind me of the ten commandments in a way, which I like because it relates back to real life for me! And just so you know, in the first chapter you missed the block spacing on one of your paragraphs!

Oh, the second chapter is so interesting. I'm going to have to take note of the rules. Looks like we got a rebel Looper here!

Okay, I had written down yesterday my comment and I was just editing it for grammar errors and then the light went off and alongside my computer

Your plot is incredible . It is refreshing, new, and a very interesting and creative concept. I love how you incorporated the belief of a higher being and religion (I associated it with Catholicism 'cause it is what I know ) and created your own world around those concepts.

I am very intrigued as to how the Loopers work and what type of punishments they receive upon breaking the rules. I liked how you incorporated the rules into the second chapter of the story, so we (readers) became more familiar with it, but it still has this mysteriousness and I'm impatient because I need to learn more.

The relationship between Althea and Ross is incredible. With just to chapters you managed to show the bond these two have, even though Ross has never seen Althea before. I also love Althea's sense of justice and self-righteousness; even though she knows she's breaking the rules, she's willing to pay the price because she wants to save this human; even if she cannot feel emotions, this sense of loyalty is evident in her and I love how well this reflects on how bonded Loopers can be to their respective marks.

I will subscribe because I loved the concept and the development you have managed in just two chapters. I think you are an incredible writer and I hope I read more of you soon.

This is an amazing story, it flows well and your description is brilliant, this is the first story I have come across like this which is good... I love the layout as well! Can't wait to see where you take this! sub'd and rec'd!

Okay! Firstly, beautiful layout, I love how you matched the picture you chose for the story, fits perfectly. The only thing I'd change is the font, it's a little too small for me, but that's probably just my bad eyesight. Your paragraphs are quite big and very descriptive; that isn't usually something I like but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing at all. I have a very short attention span so big paragraphs make my mind wander, maybe that's something to take into account? But again I say that isn't a bad thing.

The plot is very interesting, I like the idea of her being a reaper in a way but not quite, kinda the opposite of a reaper? that's what it reminds me of at least. It'll be interesting to see how it goes, and if she'll get in trouble. I thought her name was lovely as well

With this part, I'd put 'The other male was larger, with broad shoulders and muscular arms' instead of 'The other male was larger, broad shoulders and muscular arms'. and where you tell the reader that she was wearing the white dress I thought it disrupted the flow of the sentence a little bit as you hadn't mentioned the clothes on anyone else. I suppose it goes without saying that they're dressed but it just seemed random to me, didn't quite fit.

Your narrative is very formal, lots of 'I ams', 'were not's 'could nots' etc. Try using contractions a little more. This doesn't have to be in place of everything, but having contractions make it a little easier to read in my head, less robotic I suppose. But apart from those tiny little things you're an extremely talented writer You certainly didn't disappoint my dear.

I love how Althea is breaking all the rules (love the name by the way) and The Director concept instead of just using God like most people do, and of course, Loopers, is very fresh and unique. I like where the story is going!

oh my god.

Okay, first thing I saw, the layout is beautiful, although simple, I like the color scheme and the placement of the title, not to mention the picture you chose, I think gives a good visual when reading the summary, just because of the whole reaching and hand holding thing that happened in the summary lol. But anyways, the layout's really simple and nice to read and the summary was really descriptive and just made me want to read the whole story already. I already know that I want to read and subscribe just from the summary so kudos!

The only thing about the summary that felt a little awkward is this sentence:
The boy lying on the ground looked like a broken doll; his face the worst and most mutilated looked pitiful.
The second part just kind of broke the flow that you had going on and I think maybe it's missing some commas so that it's 'his face, the worst and most mutilated, looked pitiful'. Also the word you chose, 'worst' kind of threw me off a little, I think you could use a better word but other than that I really loved all the detail in the summary!

First paragraph, and boom. I know that you're an amazing author, oh my shit, this is going to be good. The first chapter is so well written I really don't know what to do with myself, I have to read more! I think everything was pretty much perfect to be honest - the spacing of paragraphs, the description of the Looper, background of the theory, and even the flow of the whole thing is just beautiful. I love it, dude.

The pair, Looper and her mark moved through air quickly the Looper pulling her mark’s weightless soul along easily.
there's a comma that should go after 'Looper and her mark', I believe.

Second chapter did not disappoint at all! I loved the whole thing, again lol. I think the Covenant is crazy and it seems like you have this story so well-developed! I can't wait to see what happens to Althea and Ross, because I can already tell they're going to have some wicked good chemistry!

This is a really interesting concept, I've never read anything like this. I can't wait to see where you take this and will definitely rec and sub this story

I adore this concept!

The Looper in particular has caught my interest. I just want to know why she is so ready to disobey whatever rules or laws that her kind has and how the other Loopers will feel about it. Although I can't really tell what might possibly happen, I like the world you have created, and in this single chapter you have me wanting more.

Your imagery is simply amazing! I felt like exactly like the stranger she is, calculating how best to approach her goal, and all I could think about was that I wanted her to save the boy.

I can't wait to see what else you got for me! Recced and subbed!

CHICKEN!

Summary and Layout:
I really liked the layout, I thought it was simple but clear and made everything easy to read. I also liked how the picture matched what happened in the first chapter, and it really made sense. The summary was an interesting part from the chapter that you used, but I thought it was a bit too long of a section. If you're going to use a scene from the story itself, I always thing it's better to keep it on the shorter side, but that's just my personal preference.

Writing:
I really love you writing style. You have wonderful imagery and your sentences are worded in a really great way that makes it easy to follow. You have a very good sense of word choice, and I liked that you didn't use super average words, but there was nothing I had to look up either. It's a nice combination of both.

Plot:
I love the plot you have going on here. It's very very original, and I liked how thought out the ideas of Loopers were. It's not something I've read about before. It's fresh and therefore creates interest to read more of the story, and find out more about the world you've created.

Characters:
I don't have very much to say about the characters so far, seeing as it's the very first chapter, but I'm definitely interested in finding out more about them. The Looper in particular seems like a very interesting character.

Overall:
I really really enjoyed reading this. I think you have a really great idea to work with here, and I'm excited to read more. I'm subscribing, and can't wait to see what happens next :D

Title, summary, and story layout
The title caught my eye right away. I found myself asking why it was called Looper before I even got to the story page. As for the summary, it drew me in even more. I wanted to know why this boy died, who this girl was, and why they had to rush to find him a new body. The layout is clean and easy to read, as well as visually pleasing. It fits with the story nicely so far.

Style and flow
The description is excellent. I usually end up winging the visuals of a story, but you painted such a good picture that I didn't even need to wonder about how anything looked. I especially love how you gave colors to their souls, it helps give another side to these characters who are only seen for a brief period of time here. The chapter flowed really well, and it gradually got my heart racing a bit as the fight went on. I almost didn't even notice it until I got to the end and let out this big breath of relief!

Characters
I'm already interested in the Looper. I'm curious as to why she was so willing to break the rules in the first place, as well as continue to break them after her mark dies.

Her mark seems like a pretty interesting character as well, just from the brief moment where he provoked the other boy into attacking him. I want to know what his reason for doing that was, or if it just happened to be a badly timed remark that slipped out.

Overall
I'm so interested in where the plot is going. I want to see what happens when the other Loopers get their hands on this one, so I'm going to subscribe. This is such a different, exciting concept that I'm going to recommend it so other people can read this.

Very unique and very descriptive! I referred to God as The Director once in a poem, coincidence! But I don't think I ever put that on Mibba, it wasn't very good! Anyway, back yo your amazing story!

It was very easy to follow and the language created a great image, I find that really important in a story. Phrases such as: "Like a broken doll" were really descriptive and I truly love your style of writing.

The whole plot idea is very interesting and I haven't seen anything like it before. The fact that what this Looper has done is forbidden has really got me hooked, I want to find out what will happen to her! Please update soon!!!

This is above and beyond creative! I really loved every sentence of this story. The sense of justice in this story was a great theme, and are generally my favorites.

You can probably make a whole chaptered story out of it, that's how good it is.

Your writing style is impeccable! I didn't happen to notice any grammatical mistakes and it was really easy to read. It had a great flow to it. The summary gives a good taste of what the story is going to be about and does it very well without giving away too much information or giving to little. It's very original and I loved reading it! I've never seen anything like it on Mibba, nor anywhere else, so good job on that. I'll be reccing and subscribing!

And here I thought the title was interesting. This is such an incredible original story. I love how you use Loopers and Director as the names. It really helped make it your own. I love the concept of how a looper has a mark that they look over and protect and how they can reach into peoples souls. I can't wait to see what happens between the looper and her mark. I'm sure there is drama that follows.
Writing: I love how you write. There is just the right amount of detail and you move the story along fluently. I didn't see anything grammatically wrong which is good. Can't wait to read more and see where you take this story.

I've read this and tried to comment about six times and then my internet messes up and won't display the comment.

To sum up what I wanted to say but am too lazy to type out for the seventh time, I'd just like to say that I love this. It's very well-written and not to mention original. It really breaks the mold of your typical death scenes and it's just.... It's amazing and original and just yes. I love it.

This story, I do find enticing. The ideal of a "director" and "loopers" instead of the typical heaven's angels and god, which I do like. Now, the story itself wasn't exactly as I had requested, but the summary had pulled me in so you get points for that.

Now, for grammar and spelling, I never actually noticed anything wrong and as I read through it the flow was good. Overall I think the story was unique and if you're adding more I'd love to continue reading it. Also, considering I rarely read original fiction and like it, I'm fairly surprised your story kept my interest :)

Ooooohhhhh.... I REALLY like this story...
I can't believe the way the boy died!! so unfair... I have no idea where this story is going, but I like it. I like this Looper character and her abilities...i havent read anything like this before!! cant wait to read more!!