One thing I want to mention is you need to start a new paragraph/line when a different person is speaking. Makes it much easier to read There were also parts of the text that didn't quite belong and disrupted the flow a little and I felt the sex scene at the beginning was a bit too awkward for me to read, felt quite rushed. The plot idea's good though and it'll be interesting to see how it goes!
June 23rd, 2013 at 12:39am