Cry for the Moon - Comments

Okay, straight off the bat I love the intro chapter. The whole description about scars and stitches and stuff -- it sent shivers right up my spine. It's so poignant and heartfelt, and it sets this rather ominous tone for what's to come, which I absolutely adore.

You contrast that tone perfectly within the second chapter, though. You go from having this piece with dark undertones straight into this chapter full of hilarity and amusement. I didn't think it'd be something that worked, but it does very well. You get this sense that everybody's happy, but something is hanging over them. Definitely hooks me in and keeps me reading. Going further on, the repetition of the dream and that one line in particular makes me so nervous for the characters! I almost feel like Ana is being stalked or something, in the way that you describe how frequent the dreams are. You then continue the mix of drama and everyday life throughout with the introspective dream / thought sequences at the beginnings of some of the later chapters, which contrast perfectly with what happens in later life. It's really a day and night for the differences, and it's majorly interesting to read because it always gives this ominous feel to the entire thing.

I love Ana's character as well. She's got the conflict going on as well as the story, which is really cool to read. Conflict, in my opinion, makes a character and she's got it in spades -- this desire to be as normal as the others, but then this itching to find out what the dreams are about, or to make them go away. It's conflict that goes hand-in-hand with the plot, and it just enhances the whole thing.

The only complaint I have about this story is that there's a lot of dialogue and sometimes, it can make the chapters appear a bit choppy. Aside from that, I'm really enjoying this story! It's something different, and it's also very intriguing. Your reader always wants to go along and see what's happening so they can keep themselves in the loop. Awesome job!

Okay, so I have to admit something: Drama can be done a number of ways. More often than not it's so subtle that you don't even realize it's there until it's over. Other times it's overdone to the point of being sappy, downtrodden...I could go on, but you get the point. But YOU. This is the kind of stuff I like. The kind of "bottled up to a damn near climactic chapter" drama that actually adds to the story all while building character and of course...revealing a few small details that will end up being crucial knowledge later on. Not everyone can pull off drama just like not everyone can pull off comedy. Not everyone is funny... YOU however can pull off drama. As always, your imagery becomes the focal point, but the dialogue in this chapter alone seems poignant, even desperate at times. You can really feel the energy that's in that room at that time. I also like the straightforward transition between Chapter 16 and 17. I feel like it was a smooth "no momentum lost" way to jump right into the dramatic sequence. Of course, a little bit of light hearted stress relief near the end wasn't necessarily needed, but much appreciated in regards to what a dark chapter this turned out to be. I think this is the best one so far, I really do. But I know you've got more in you left to go, and this is just getting started so I'mma head out for now until next time.

@ stargazer93
I can understand that.

@ Symbiont
You're welcome :) Glad I could make you day. I like to read at night, more than in the mornings. Usually by the time I get around to reading the new chapters I'm too tired to get words to come out.

@ stargazer93
Yay! Word bomb comment! These make my day. :D

I'm glad you're thinking that with Thomas and Ana. They have a very interesting relationship.

Lmao, I don't know how I came up with the Icy Hot. I figured Icy Hot would be more scarring than anything, because they wouldn't notice at first, but when they did...

Thanks for pointing out the typo! I will fix it tomorrow morning when I get access to a computer. And I'm glad you like the banner!

I feel like after a couple days have passed, I want Thomas and Ana to talk things out even more. But I can't help but feel like something big is going to happen between them, like it's going to get worse before it gets better. But maybe that's just me. I tend to be way too negative in my expectations for stuff like this, but I also know how much you love to break hearts so can you blame me? xD

I tend to look for inspiration in others' writing for my own projects, but the main inspiration I've acquired this time is how much I want to put Icyhot on a toilet seat. Sounds like something I'd do. :)

Also, one last thing, I believe you may have a typo on the sentence "Thankfully, though, Isaac spoke up..." where it talks about a week attempt, did you mean weak attempt? I hate to be nitpicky, but I also know how hard it is to draft on a phone and how easy it is to slip up.

Glad you've found time to write and update more regularly. And I love the new banner! First time I've really seen it on here since you made it, and it looks great.

@ heretic.
It's okay :) I appreciate it.

@ Symbiont
Sorry, I hate pointing things like that out, but I know myself that I would prefer to know about them.

Looking forward to the next chapter! :D

@ heretic.
Thank you! I will fix those! Typing on my phone is a pain in the ass.

I'm glad you liked it!

FINALLY GOT SOME TIME TO READ THIS! Definitely worth the wait, though!

Also, I really like the new banner

Before I get to my thoughts, I noticed a few errors, and I think you'd appreciate me letting you know so you can fix them! Nothing major, just typos.

The people who love you aren't supposed to love you.
I'm thinking you meant hurt instead of the second love? Lol

there was had always been something to hide from,
It sounds better without the added "was"

trying to ignore the fact that my heart was pounding as hard we my head was
I think the "we" is supposed to be "as"

Today was going to he horrible.
And the "he" is supposed to be "be"?

Now onto the good stuff! The first part of the chapter makes me feel like someone harmed her, someone close to her that she trusted. From the way she thinks about her guilt and pain, I get the feeling that she may have killed an abuser?

Oh god, she slipped up and called Mark "Elias" That's going to make the others want to know even more about her now. I really liked the snowball fight, I think she needed that to relieve some of the tension, get her to relax - if only for a short while.

Looking forward to more!

@ heretic.


Whoohoo! I'm glad you like it! And I'm definitely glad you like how I introduced Koda, that took me forever to figure out. I will hopefully have more to come soon!

And you're welcome!

THANK YOU!

Oh boy, that ending has me wondering what the hell is going on! So, she had a dream about her old house, I'm guessing, and she saw her family there. What was Elias doing there, though?

Is someone messing with her dreams? And why does she feel guilty about everything?

I like the way you introduced Koda, it felt very natural. And now she had a secret, too, something about the way her mother died, by the way she told the story.

I get more and more intrigued each chapter! :D

@ stargazer93
It seems the only way I can write this is to do them by hand. :) For whatever reason, that's just what works. Most things, I may start the chapter out by hand, and then I have to switch to typing. I don't know why.

I really respect the fact that you hand write the chapters first :)

@ heretic.
Glad to be back as much as I can be!

And I'm glad you like it. :D And thank you so much! I actually haven't been writing much while I've been away. I'd say it's my Latin class helping, but I know it's not. xD Thank you. :)

You're back! I have missed your stories!

I really liked this chapter, it gave us readers some much needed insight into Analii. No wonder she is so reluctant to pursue her feelings for Mark when she got rejected so harshly. Maybe if she could understand why Elias rejected her, maybe she could move on from it.

I liked the playfulness, though, it was really sweet.

And, it might just be me, but I feel like your writing has improved a lot since you've been away. Not that it was bad before, because it wasn't, but the grammar, your writing style, it's really good! :D

I know for a fact that they both like each other, you can see it in the way they interact. I really can't wait to see what he got her. And about Mark and Thomas' conversation if Analii doesn't want anyone to know is should stay buried. And people shouldn't be so nosy. :)

I know for a fact that they both like each other, you can see it in the way they interact. I really can't wait to see what he got her. And about Mark and Thomas' conversation if Analii doesn't want anyone to know is should stay buried. And people shouldn't be so nosy. :)

@ rachthebat.
Thanks for the comment!

I'm not even entirely sure on what he'll get her. One gift, I know, but the other... nope.