Become - Comments

@ Katerbate
Thank you! I made the layout myself, and it was my first one so I'm glad someone likes it! Plus I'm really happy people are liking John, he's my favorite too :)

I really adore this story so far. I haven't read on Mibba for awhile, but this story definitely deserves some kudos so far. I like the way you write Viviana. She's got an attitude, and the way she interacts with the other characters is fun to read. I like John, too, and I'm kind of excited to see where you go with this. It's well written, too! Plus I love the layout.

@ walking.thin.lines
I spent a lot of time on making Viviana the sort of person people don't like, so it's great to see that people don't like her haha. This is her facade as you put it, so you will learn more about her later.
And you definitely weren't mean! Thank you for commenting!

I like Rainne more than I like Viviana. I feel as though she is trying to put on this facade and it's not working. For me the dialogue is a bit fake. No one just says their short tempered or tells someone their hobbies upon meeting them. No one really goes around and says hi I'm so and so and I'm selfless! It's something you learn as you get to know the person better. I feel like if you discover things about the character as the story progresses rather than at the very beginning you understand and possibly connect more with the character. Maybe it's because it's only been two chapters but as of now Viv is the typical rebellious type.

I really liked the second chapter. Mr. Arthur intrigues me... I sort of felt like he was flirting with her which is a plus in my book ;) I also like how you incorporated the title. I always love reading stories with random titles and then half way through there's a random line and I'm like ohhhh that's where it came from. Okay I'm done... hope I wasn't mean-ish...

@ Jefferson Starships
She isn't supposed to be personable, so I'm glad you pointed that out :)
Thank you!

I just like this character you know? Viviana isn't very personable, but she relatable (at least to me) because she thinks more realistically instead of ambitiously. John seems like a great person to help her develop, and I hope it goes well!

@ naruto uzumaki
Thanks :)
I'm working on finding the right layout, but that's a great point. It really does personalize the story.

I think you should put a layout for this story, but I only say that because I think layouts personalize the story and also can exemplify the characters and/or theme of the story.

For chapter one, I like Viv, she's feisty and already seems like she will be a great character to follow and I rather enjoyed her conversation with Raine, it was funny in a sense.

This part in chapter two:

"I would tell you to go have another cigarette, but this is a non-smoking campus."

"I know."

made me chuckle, I think this is a very well written story.
I wish you luck with it.

=)