Coffee Stains - Comments

I’m here as intern judge for this contest

Wow this was very beautiful, romantic and yet very sad. It shows how much the speaker cares for her even until the end. I was able to feel the speaker's emotions and feelings throughout your detailed descriptions which was heartbreaking to read. This is a great piece and your writing is really good. The statement where you write and mention that they were in a hospital bed and months ago she was diagnosed, my heart almost stopped. I couldn't believe it and that's when the story hit me more ways than before.

The title and the layout fits perfectly with the theme and mood of it and I think you did an amazing job here.

Dear lord that was beautiful and heartbreaking. In the beginning when you were using past tense I thought "oh they probably just broke up is all" BUT THEN YOU MENTIONED A HOSPITAL BED AND I WAS JUST LIKE NOPE.

I really loved reading it but it hurt my heart a lot omg. The one line I really liked a lot was "I hated the taste of coffee, but I loved the taste of her." I don't know why but it just made me smile and I don't know, I just really liked it! The whole thing though was just amazing, like how the narrator just spoke so highly and loving of her, ugh it was just great.

Holy shit. I'm coming here from my candy bowl and I can literally say with all honesty that this was profoundly beautiful. The way you worded everything was striking. I'm actually obsessed with the line, "I hated the tasted of coffee, but I loved the taste of her." That literally strikes me and I have no idea why. Now I think I'm going to reread this because it was just really good.

After reading the piece, I see how the title links in perfectly and I love that it's actually relevant to the piece. I also love the cyclical way you wrote this, with the beginning revolving around her saying she'll make breakfast as well as it ending with her saying those words again.

Anyway, the first paragraph I spotted “I'll make the breakfast in the morning.” She would say every night before bed. - I'm pretty sure the full stop should be a comma because it reads as a speech tag and they don't accompany a character's speech after a full stop. But if I'm reading it wrong then I apologise, but commas should be used with tags, not full stops.

The entire narrative of how much Amelia means to the speaker is beautiful because it reflects just how much she means to them and just how badly it impacts them when she gets ill, especially with the detail of them drinking coffee even though it previous says that they hated the taste of coffee. It's somewhat heartbreaking to know that their (maybe) reasoning behind drinking it is their yearning to taste her again, and I seriously commend you for the emotion you put into that detail.

She would take in one deep breath before taking a sip of her coffee, “mmm, just how I like it.” - while reading this line, I felt like something should be between "coffee" and the speech otherwise it doesn't quite flow nicely and feels wrong.

“I'll fix you breakfast in the morning.” a ghost of a whisper brushes my ears. - the full stop should either be replaced with a comma or the "a" should be capitalised.

This piece was truly beautiful and filled with emotion that the reader can just feel through the words the whole entire time. It highlights the fragility of life and the horror that some people can go through as a result of life being so cruel, with the speaker of the piece being the one put through the horrific event of having to care for someone they love on their deathbed. It can never be easy.

You write brilliantly.

This is a heartbraking story honestly, it's so cute but at the same time so horrifyingly real as to the fragile life we hold. I don't know what to say about this honestly, but I love this story so much.

[Your mibbaween treat!]

Dude. That was so sad, but so very amazing. Like the commenter below me said, what a plot twist! I wasn't expecting it to turn out that way at all. You wrote everything so beautifully, though. I felt so many different emotions while reading; everything from an aww, cute! to an omg no!.

All in all, this was just a brilliant piece. I really hope you win any and all contests you may enter this in!

This was AHMAZING. I mean, talk about a pl0t twist. There was so much emotion in it that I wanted to puke my guts out from the mixed feelings it gave me. Maybe that wasn't the best way to word it...

It was really really good. You're a very talented author, and I will be keeping an eye out for your work from now on :)

This is so, so, so beautiful. Oh man. As I began to read it I thought it would be some cutesy love story (which is always good and well) but then I was totally surprised by the ending and wow. I really liked how the story was short, but all the emotion was packed into it very well so you definitely felt it but it wasn't too much. You didn't ask for a recc but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Wow, this is very well written. I've never read such a story with so many emotions. You can feel so much pathos for the main character, and I know I do. This story is simply beautiful, and it really touched me deep inside. The way things were described made me feel like it was I who was telling the story.

Keep up the great work, as I love how uniquely written this is! :)

I knew right away this was going to be sad! But nonetheless, it's beautiful in such a tragic way. I had tears in my eyes, that's for sure. The line, "She was like a storm during the dead of spring, and I was the calm like a winter's breeze." was just so beautiful to me. It really gave a depth to the differences between the two characters.
The description of the relationship was described perfectly. It was the simplistic fairy tale relationship, that ended in such a tragic way.
Overall, this was really amazing!

This, just this.. I knew from the way you wrote the beginning that something had happened, but I never expected that to happen. I love how you described everything, it wasn't too much and it didn't take away from the emotions of the narrator. This made me tear up. Quite easy to read and good from beginning to end. I love it.

Girl....this was beautiful! It was gripping and made me feel several emotions as I read it. I love the repeat and use of the coffee in this. It was kind of the constant between them. Such a wonderful but sad tale! Loved it.

Love the layout. And the summary was just "Awe" Made her coffee even though he didn't drink it. All of this was talk is making me think that something bad happened to her....

That made me tear up. This is the first time I've teared up over something posted on this site. You've just stolen my Mibba Tears Virginity. :( I am sad now.

I love the way the narrator talks about her…

I hated the taste of coffee, but I loved the taste of her.
I love this line, it shows how much affection and love is there.

Amelia is a great name by the way…

She was like a storm during the dead of spring, and I was the calm like a winter's breeze.
Great description.

a hospital issued bed. Set so that she can have it at the right angle to help her breathe. I rarely sleep anymore, I mainly sit in the chair next to her bed, her delicate hand in mine. Her breaths grow ragged as the days go by. Most days she can't even wake up, even though I make the coffee... every day. Just like she likes it.
That part almost made me cry, what is going on.

“I'll fix you breakfast in the morning.” a ghost of a whisper brushes my ears.
Holy, I loved that ending, as heartbreaking as this was I still loved it.

Oh my god.

This blew me away. I never thought a short story like this would cause all of the emotions stirring inside me at the moment. ALL THE FEELS!

This just makes me want to drive an hour from where I am, and go cuddle with my boyfriend. But, my stuffed penguin will have to suffice for the time being.

The last line was so bittersweet. But, I loved it. I kind of want to cry now. Okay, don't worry, I'm good.

Once again, awesome job! I'll be sure to check out more of your work from now on! :D

Oh my god.

This blew me away. I never thought a short story like this would cause all of the emotions stirring inside me at the moment. ALL THE FEELS!

This just makes me want to drive an hour from where I am, and go cuddle with my boyfriend. But, my stuffed penguin will have to suffice for the time being.

The last line was so bittersweet. But, I loved it. I kind of want to cry now. Okay, don't worry, I'm good.

Once again, awesome job! I'll be sure to check out more of your work from now on! :D

Oh my god.

This blew me away. I never thought a short story like this would cause all of the emotions stirring inside me at the moment. ALL THE FEELS!

This just makes me want to drive an hour from where I am, and go cuddle with my boyfriend. But, my stuffed penguin will have to suffice for the time being.

The last line was so bittersweet. But, I loved it. I kind of want to cry now. Okay, don't worry, I'm good.

Once again, awesome job! I'll be sure to check out more of your work from now on! :D

This is breath-takingly good! Oh my the feels

Oh my god, that ending! I really loved this, it was so beautifully written and you can tell that he really loved her.

Noo. I really love short stories like these that give a reader so much in such a short form. This one was beautiful and bittersweet. The way you portray their relationship is so strong and meaningful. It's so warm and sweet in the beginning and then you begin to get the sadder tones as it progresses.

But the end is still a little sweet and rounds it off really well. I loved this piece! :]