October 15th, 2014 at 02:45am
There is a lot of grammar stuff going on with the summary... But I'm focusing on the chapters. The first chapter is really good except for Her parents watched in wonder at seeing her daughter That should be their daughter not her daughter. And at the end the dad says 'let's go get some dinner.' even though they just dropped their daughter off a school? Shouldn't that be like breakfast or I mean at the very latest lunch, but even lunch might be a stretch for just dropping a kid off at school.
Chapter two: Rebecca walks up to Josh and cococks take the (co) off cococks or you could change it to cold cocks. Either works. her eye knit in anger I think that might read better if it was eyes or brows maybe? During the course of their friendship, things seemed to brew inside of Rebecca that she would never have though would brew for her partner in crime. that should be thought not though. Josh would come and taste tested be sure to stay in present tense if that's what you're going to use. Rebecca hugs them tightly and tells them they love them. She loves, not they. Rebecca is singular.
Besides all the things I pointed out above (which I hope you don't mind, I don't mean to offend) I like this story. The Williams family seems ideal. And I love Adam! He's always been amazing, and you write him well. Keep writing, I'm sure something amazing will happen with this!
Hi everyone, it's goldeneyes321, I've had some things go down and had my account deactivated... and well, I didn't know the story would be left, lol... my bad... So, I don't know what to do now, lol... I might just, do something different...