Diary of a Sex Slave - Comments

@ PorcelainTears
Thank you for subscribing :)
Yeah it is a different plot I legit thought of it randomly one night. I'm not 100% sure on what I plan to do for the ending yet but I will think up something. Again thanks so much glad you like it :)

Loved it! Dont really know why, but its different and i like it. I think u should read up on people who get addicted to sex as a stress relieve or something to make his story a little deaper in the future. Oh! And i dont know if u think the same or if u even care but i think that this story deserves a sad ending. Wether its on him or her, dont know really then again those are my opinions. Either way im so subscribing! Keep it up!

@ OnyxUrLuver
Well happy birthday :)

@ LittlexPrincess
wahhh a birthday chapter (its my bday today)
but thats awsome

@ OnyxUrLuver
Thank you I will have a new chapter out maybe tonight, if not tomorrow.

this story needs to continue its awsome

@ RockBandPanda
I just recently posted a new chapter. I think every time I post a new chapter it shows how much of an ass he really is. And thank you I'm glad you like it

I actually really like the story and I hope to see more updates soon. I like the overall view on the story on how she's his sex slave. Please update soon. :)

@ XXXataktoulaXXX

Thank you once again. I am glad you like it, and I promise every time I post a chapter I will let you know. I also plan on softening him up a little bit at one point, not really sure yet how that will happen.

Chapter four:

This chapter brings new ideas to my mind. Your writing is very inspiring.

On to the chapter itself. I would have liked to see how afraid Lily was when she couldn't move because of her ribs while Steve expected her upstairs.

Those seconds he cared about her would have seemed like a dream to Lily. I mean, he actually cared a bit, even if it was for a few seconds before he returned to his actual asshole self.

He even has his person doctor whose mouth was kept shut, because of the money he paid him to tread his victims. Because Lily is a victim.

I have to admit like Steve seems like those men who have problems with women. It's like something happened in his past which made him hate women so much and only use them for his sexual needs.

Because I don't touch her unless it's necessary.
Seems like Steve is afraid to touch her because if he shows a little bit of emotion he might get too attached. Is he afraid of getting hurt? Makes me wonder.

Lilly wondered what really went on through his head whenever he came to check on her.
I actually hadn't thought about that so it was kind of unexpected, like -why didn't I thought about it?

I can't believe he asked her to give him a blowjob. Asshole! And then he thought of the private nurse, like seriously...is he mentally ill or something?

Psycho!

I think I officially hate Steve.

Chapter five:

It had been two days since Steve had hurt her so bad that she couldn't even more.. It should be move instead of more.

"People change." She started to say when he had interrupted her.
That's true. People change but only if they really want it much.

I liked the conversation she had with Bill but I didn't like the fact he mentioned suicide so soon. We haven't seen lily that connected with him yet, to speak about stuff like that.

Steve heard movement upstairs so he figured it was Steve so he headed to the door. One of the names here should be Bill instead of Steve.

Bill treated her very good she just worried about how she would be able to do it, and at what cost could she do it?
I like how you ended the chapter, with Lily's thoughts on leaving Steve to be with Bill who seemed to like her enough to offer to her a home.

It needs slight editing and you can get a beta to do that for you. I suggest you do that.

Chapter six:

Can I say this seems to be getting more interesting? I am in love with the ending of this chapter, the words Maria whispered to Lily.

Lilly shook her head " No too dangerous" Lilly smiled happy that she is finally getting taken care of.

Maria chuckled again and leaned down and whispered to her " Only if you don't know how" And she went into the bathroom.
This part of their dialogue leaves the readers think that the story will get more dangerous and mysterious which is always great.

"Could always run away, that Bill seems nice, move in with him" Maria said sitting beside her on the bed.
That part seems unrealistic because Maria just met Lily and she doesn't know what's going on with Bill and Lily. I suggest you changing that to sentence to,
''You can always try to run away, and Bill seems quite captivated by you, I think he'd take you in.''
It fits more without making it seem unrealistic.

Thank you very much for putting me as a character in your story. I like the personality you created for her (the nurse = Maria), she really seems like me.

Also, go to the public layouts and use the newest version of the layout I created for you (for this story). Just changed the text a bit. It's called, Diary of a Sex Slave for LittlexPrincess V.3.

I think I've said it before, but your story needs slight editing here and there. I suggest you go Requesting a Site Beta and get a beta to help you.

~Marian.

@ XXXataktoulaXXX
Thank you so much for your suggestions. I am also glad that over-all you seem to enjoy it. I will take all of your suggestions :) thanks so much

Dear author,
the main theme of this story is to my liking. Having a good life only bacause she's that wealthy's man's sex slave. Nice one, it captures my interest.

As for the summary,
I believe you should chnage it a bit. Re-word it to grab the readers attention more. Put sentences that will make a greater impact on the reader like, She had everything yet something was missing. Bring out the mystery and the emotion, you know.

Now, on to the first chapter,
I wouldn't suggest starting by giving out descriptions like that. It would be better if you described her house as the narrator walks around in the house to grab her clothes, take a bath, make breakfast/ It will make the descriptions flow better.

The paragraph which really got me was when you described what her master did to the previous sex slave he had. He seems like a really cold person who only cares about sex and nothing more.

If you manage to give to your story the realistic hints it needs and center it around a cold master, that would be awesome. At least that's what I think.

The fact Lily likes one of her master's stuff makes it all the more interesting, especially since both of them can get fired and Lily obviously needs the money. I was glad her master arrived early, because I wouldn't like the story starting with an affair if I might say.

I'd suggest letting her do something with Bill only when her master leaves for a trip and after he's been very harsh on her for a reason. It will add more to the plot.
I am giving you suggestions because you asked for them on the story's status.

Lilly did enjoy fucking him because he was quite large but what she really wanted was sex with passion not just being fucked. I liked this sentence, and it fits with what I told you before about the summary. She has everythign but soemthing is missing and what not.

I liked the ending, how he told her to leave. He sounded harsh and it might have hurt her, even though she knows it's strictly business.

Chapter two:

Parts like this one, now comes the hard part she had to go out in public and pretend like she loved him deeply and that she was his girlfriend. This was hard for her in more ways then one because she had no feelings for him at all he was horrible to her. make the story more realistic and add a nice air to the story. Just business so she can have a comfortable life.

I wonder how she can handle having him treating her like that. Will he ever soften up? And if he ever does, why? These questions were on my mind as I read the part of him being angry when he went home to change clothes.

Steve put his arm around her shoulder's while Lilly put her arm around his waist and they walked into the club together. I think I would have added something like this, Lily was scared, but she knew better to keep the mask of the girlfriend on her beautiful face, cause if she didn't, then bruises would appear all over her body.

I like the way Steve decided to punish her, accepting his friend's Paul's words and seting the orgy party at his house, while he knows Lily doesn't like having sex with women and she likes only men.

I like Steve's cold personality. How he pretends in front of his friends and co-workers about Lily being his girlfriend while she's just a well-paid tool for his sexual needs.

It keeps getting more and more interesting.

Don't forget to message me when the third chapter is posted because I forget to check up on it with all the stories I have to write. You got me hooked, so post soon.

Chapter three:

It's a plus how you started the chapter with Lily's thoughts on the situation (orgy) and how well she knew Steve to know that the orgy was only part of her punishment.

In a sick twisted way she wanted the orgy to last longer because he would never openly hurt her in front of others unless he could play it off as an accident.
His cold character and black heart rises as the story keeps going and that definitely makes the readers interested in the story.

The unexpected showing up of Steve's sex slave is a great twist to add. Well done here.

I liked how the shost conversation went on between the master and the ex sex slave. I also liked the fact that Lily liked Vega as a person and didn't hate her because she was the ex sex slave.

The conversation the two sex slaves had wasn't to my liking though. Vega became pregnant and had Steve's child. Th eonly reason I can think for her doing this, has to be because she wants to take him to court for the child to get more money. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.

She wouldn't be able to take anymore pain.
That was a very nice way to end the chapter. It's admirable she could even handle it till that part. You could have showed a little bit more of her struggle as accepted his hits though. That was my second complaint, with the first one being the pregnancy talk.

~Marian.