Words - Comments

(Valentine's Day Giveaway Comment)

Aww, this story is super sweet. I love the emotion poured into it because it makes the readers feel sad for her and you can feel the regret and sadness emitting from the character. I love how you showed and not told the readers how this character was feeling and how much she missed her boyfriend.

I only wish the text was a bit bigger because it was a bit hard to read. Other than that I loved this.

I absolutely love the ending. I love happy ending and this one made me smile. I'm glad he came back.

Why Do I Love You? Contest

The story emanated a lot of emotion. With very little dialogue, you were able to give a lot of information about the character. With your style of writing this story, the readers are able to emphasize with her –it’s as if we can see ourselves in this story as well.

The layout is completely dark and mystical. When I looked at your layout, everything was either gray or black. It was appropriate for the story and you already gave the setting through the image itself. You didn’t give a lot in the layout which is good because the audience will be looking forward to reading your story.

Although your story was really emotional, the story completely drew me in the end. I only found myself really intrigued with the it when I read what happened at the end of the story. I think it depends on a person’s point of view and how he/she will decipher what you’ve written. By the way, I truly smiled when I read the last part because it was very sweet. Deep inside, I wish I had that kind of scenario. It would be embarrassing, yeah, but a one of a kind experience.

I saw a few grammatical errors in the story. They only included your sentence construction and the use of punctuation marks. Other than that, the story was great to read.

Here from free reads blog: This was so sad and then adorable! I loved the over all feel, like the narrator had just given up on love because of this one person and then in the last paragraph they come back and it is just AWWWW!

I really, really liked this! Especially your introduction/beginning to the short story, it leads into it very nicely. I really like how you wrote the main character's inner thoughts, really true to life and nicely done. And the happy ending was cute and really gave it the "aww" cuteness factor at the end.

I especially liked the lines "each tear trying to outrun the other" and "I swam at the beach we used to go, while thinking about all the things we let go."

I didn't notice any spelling/grammar errors either, which is always nice to read. (:

Overall, very nicely done short story. Totally deserved the second place in the picture short story contest!

This was so cute. I wasn't totally convinced the ending would be happy, but I'm really glad it was. I'm a sucker for happily ever afters.

This was so cute. I wasn't totally convinced the ending would be happy, but I'm really glad it was. I'm a sucker for happily ever afters.

This piece was a lovely length, and I'm very impressed that you managed to convey so much in such a short space of time. It was a highly emotive piece of writing, maybe even due to its condensed nature, and I found that really appealing. It just felt very whole to me, like a fully fledged story that had been pulled in to one, and I definitely felt very connected to the character.

Certain phrases in this really struck me, particularly the simile about the night sky which I thought was a lovely touch. As far as your writing goes, I only had a couple of small things that I picked out, the main one being the sentence structure the fourth paragraph, where some of the sentences became very short and businesslike. Short sentences can work really well amongst longer ones, but a series of them can sometimes create a very jarring effect which seems a little out of place amongst very smooth phrases. It can just make your writing a little needlessly disjointed, when the rest of it didn't have that problem so much. A good way of stopping this from happening is to make sure that you minimise the number of sentences which start with a pronoun, either by combining or rephrasing. That way, "She sat down on the bed. She took off her shoes. She then took off her socks." can become "She sat down on the bed, and took off her shoes and socks" or even "She sat down on the bed, taking off her shoes, and then peeling her socks off one by one.". It will just give your writing a more lyrical feel.

I personally felt the ending was a little out of place with the rest of the story, but I can definitely see where you were coming from, and the twist meant that the story didn't fizzle out but came to a complete resolution. I definitely liked the raw nature of this piece, and the exploration of emotion without constant action. There was something very calming about it.

Good work! Keep writing :)

I don't even know where to start, to be completely honest. I'm thinking maybe I should start by yelling at you for breaking my heart with this story. It was written so well and the description was so perfect. And when I say it broke my heart, I mean it. The happy ending wasn't enough for me. When you put that kind of pain, heartbreak, ect. into something and it has a happy ending--I just can't even.

You are such an amazing writer and this piece is perfection.

I follow iggy! Though, I think she's something else at the moment, hah. I do follow her, though. All her poetry and whatnot. I think it's fantastic that you used one of her poems in the summary; she is a great poet.

I agree with This.Useless.Heart. The emotion and depth of showed in your writing. I felt for the character. More so because I stood in the same place for a long time with someone I really loved. I related to her and I really wanted to hug her as I read because I would've given anything for someone to hug me. You used minimal detail, but I saw everything in my mind. I'm just not sure it's because you gave me enough detail or because I was seeing the picture you have as a banner as I read. Might be a little bit of both, I'm not sure, and I dunno if that's what you were going for.

I turned my hands to fists and yelled, ‘’I fucking miss you,’’ to the night sky which kept company to the moon like a loyal dog. — I really liked this part. It stuck out the most to me because again, I related. Sometimes all you can do is scream to the high heavens, but I especially liked the 'kept company to the moon' part. It was my favorite.

Now there's nothing particularly wrong with your story, not in the least. It was fantastic, it had depth and meaning, and it was easy to relate with the narrator. However, there were some parts that felt forced and sometimes it was because you used a period where a comma could've been used or vice versa. It seemed to have started by paragraph four, like going from sad thoughts to movement threw you off. What was so awkward about it was that it was short, blunt sentences after long and smooth ones, and the sudden change suddenly made it seem forced. I can't even put a finger on anything specific because it really was just how blunt the sentences suddenly were after these well-flowing long ones.

Also, it's better to not start sentences with 'but' because (in my opinion) it disrupts the flow. You could use a comma for moments like those because a comma is a pause whereas a period is a dead stop or use a different word.

It made me feel better hearing the lies you said to me with that sweet voice of yours which sent shivers down my spine. But they were just that…lies. — This, for example. Starting the second sentence with 'but' threw the flow off. It was so beautiful and then there was that little stumble. You could revise the sentence to be like, "They were just that, though: lies." or something else like it. It would flow a wee bit better.

I am so used to stories like this ending sadly so I can definitely say that I wasn't expecting the end, and I actually enjoyed it. I rarely enjoy happy endings, to be completely honest, but with this, I liked it.
Gah, I know it seems like I had more bad to say than good but I really did enjoy this. It was beautiful and emotional; heart-wrenching. I wanted that happy ending this time. I really did enjoy this piece.

Happy Mibba Halloween!
To begin, I have to say I love that you used quotes from another user's poem in your banner and in your summary. That is such a creative and collaborative idea, and it's a great way for you guys to promote each other. It may please you to know I plan on checking out iggy's poetry now.
Now, onto your own work, I think your strength in this piece is definitely in establishing tone. This one-shot had a very distinct feel to it, and I got that feel from the very first opening lines. I really felt the depths of the narrator's emotions, and I could picture the setting well.
Love is nothing more than an illusion we create so that we won’t be lonely. That was what you used to say, but I believed that what we had was so much stronger. It was way further than in love. -This is probably my favorite bit of the story. I just love these lines.
I should have realized that no matter how strong I thought our love was, missing you would win in the end and it would cost me you.- While there is nothing technically wrong with this quote, I felt like the wording is a tad awkward, especially the last part "it would cost me you." I tripped over that part of the sentence for some reason, and I had to re-read it a few times to get it. It's probably nothing that needs changing or anything, y'know it is possibly just me, but I wanted to point that out.
Then there is that twist at the end! Whoa! I did not see it coming at all. I definitely didn't expect it to end like that, so happily. It was a pleasant surprise for both the narrator and myself.
Overall, I enjoyed this work, and I will recommend it. Kudos!

This was incredible. Your writing style is wonderful. I think you have an extreme talent for short stories like these because you created such an amazing amount of imagery in not so many words. Well done!

So for starters I love the layout for this story. Very pretty.
As for the story itself, I loved the ending. I'm so happy they ended up together again. I could feel the narrator's pain through your descriptions. My favorite line was the one about being connected by the red thread of destiny. It created a strong image in my mind of the two characters. I recommended this as well as commenting because I thought it was adorable.

So for starters I love the layout for this story. Very pretty.
As for the story itself, I loved the ending. I'm so happy they ended up together again. I could feel the narrator's pain through your descriptions. My favorite line was the one about being connected by the red thread of destiny. It created a strong image in my mind of the two characters. I recommended this as well as commenting because I thought it was adorable.

You definitely captured the turbulence inside this character. I effing love every word, every sentence, every paragraph. You're extremely creative and have a vivid imagination to put the words together that you have. You have a fantastic way of reaching the reader to make us 'feel' what the character feels.

Awww I luv the ending :3 I so happy they're beck together

Awww I luv the ending :3 I so happy they're beck together

Ugghhh. Your writing is starting to distress me. Like how is it possible to write like this, um this is not okay with me, you're just astounding and it's not fair in the least

The ocean is probably my favorite aspect of literature, I want to live there, I want to write about it, heck I want to be the ocean XD Your imagery reminds me of Topsail Island, North Carolina; it is literally the perfect place for your story. I think the moment I died in this story is when you said "You made me feel what it's like to be really in love with someone and on top of that so deeply". It's saying "Yeah, I love you. I really love you too." and I think that is just adorable and admirable. Thank you SO much for writing this, it was exceptional.

Sorry. I accidentally posted twice.

That was beautiful. I don't even know what to say. I love your inclusion of the sea and your description of everything. I adore the emotions that you put into this piece. And I just love the happy ending. Totes fangirling!

Girl, you seriously left me speechless.

Can't wait to read this!