I'm Coming Home - Comments

Aww, this was so cute. I was a bit surprised by how short it was, but it was very endearing honestly. It was just adorable. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I'm glad I read it! You really feel like you're reading in the perspective of the little girl -which, now that I think about it, you don't actually know anyone's names. Heh, it's hard to notice. It's all good, I think. Adds to it, considering she's just a little girl.

Over all, I really liked it

I noticed a few minor errors. Towards the end, the word 'to' should be 'too' in two separate places. Example:: "I've missed you to, Daddy." It should be 'too'.
Then: Now as I sat in my chair, I wondered what he would look like after almost a year. Should the "now" be there considering it's written in past tense, or should something else be in present tense? I'm awful at editing my own stories, considering it can be painful to re-read them over and over to make sure you've gotten everything, but I thought I would point that out! I wish more people would for me

Anyway, here's the comment I promised! Keep writing

@ wonderyear?
Thanks for your comment. I'll go over my story and add some more detail and space the paragraph's out a bit more.

Aww this was so short and sweet. I don't read a lot of cute stories like this on here. I love how you captured the little girl's eagerness. She's completely adorable.

Favorite part would actually have to be when she ask's her mom if he'll remember them. I think that was a great thing to add.

It was really short though. I kind of wished it could've been a little more to the scene when her dad finally came. It was just really quick. Maybe explaining how she felt after she'd finally saw him after so long.

There are some paragraphs toward the end that are bunched up. It makes it hard to read a little but other than that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Good job and good luck in your contest

Overall, I think that this story is super sweet! I love stories about parents being reunited with their children and always get super touched by them because they can pack an powerful impact. That's alos what I got from this story, so you did great with getting the message across!

With that being said, there were some basic grammatical and spelling issues that I found while reading the story, but nothing too bad.

I'd also like to point out the fact that you had paragraphs where one more than one person was speaking in dialogue. As a rule of thumb, those should be separated from each other because it can be confusing for readers to distinguish which person said what.

Other than that, it was a very good story!