Whispers Unsaid - Comments

You have no idea how happy I was when Zachary finally died

I really liked the uniqueness of this story. It wasn't your typical Avenged Sevefold story, and I appreciated you did something completely different. It was also really cool that this could have been read as original fiction as well. I always like when AU fanfics are legitimately AU.

Trinity was a very interesting character. She seemed very progressive for the year that she was living in, and I liked that the story was told from her point of view. She was really strong and awesome despite all the stuff that had happened in her life and I loved that. Her relationship with Jonathon was super cute as well, I really liked the progression of it. I felt like it flowed well with the story.

And as always, your descriptions were on point. I really liked how you described everyone's mannerisms and all that, it made the characters feel very authentic.

Great job!

I don't care if this is a fictional story I will fight Zachary myself I don't care he makes me so angry. Such fantastic writing, honestly. You're incredible.

So, I have to say that I am loving this story. You wouldn't even think that its avenged sevenfold in the story. I was actually reading it as an original fiction, the way your description is, is great. I could picture the girl dead in the bushes, pale, eyes open and marks on her throat. It starting to make me think that it was the king who killed her, my other thought is about the forbiddem room. What is in there? I hope to find out soon.

The relationship between Jonathon and her is adorable, hes like her knight and shining armor. But when I read "your highness" my jaw dropped, he is her highness in shining armor.

I didnt notice any errors, I don't really look out for that at all. It would have been nice to see more interaction with the queen though and to know why she didn't really deal with the baby. Why do you call it "babe" instead of "baby" I'm just curious, there's nothing wrong. Its just new to me. :)

Either way you are doing fantasic, I'll sub and rec this story. Can't wait to see where this goes.

Hey! This seems so interesting. Even just from the summary it was not what I was expecting. I'm excited to see how it plays off since I get the feel that it's going to be her against Zack rather than her rooting for Zack in some secret, romantic way (at least at first, although the photo of her makes her seem quite young so I'm not sure what the ages are/how that plays into the story).

(That little intro in One definitely clarified some things!)

After that, there's a large paragraph when Zack is speaking and introducing himself, you might want to separate the speech from the other words to make it clearer. It seems a little jumbled together. You could start the speech as their own paragraphs to make it less bulky.

He is SO nice to her, it's practically unheard of. They're so informal even though she's a servant and he's a king, it's surprising. It definitely makes me wonder how the relationship is going to evolve from there. I was expecting uneven power between them, but it seems that Zack isn't one for formality/to play on that. Definitely knocking me off my rocker. (But then he becomes harsh almost instantly. It's a little confusing because he was being so sweet just moments before. Perhaps there will be a clearer explanation for his actions later).

The story progresses fairly quickly. I was expecting her to be a little bit more scared after finding the body, but she goes right into detective mode with Johnny. It's obvious that she was free at one point, but now she still hasn't learned to fear for her life or fit into her place.

OKAY, THE GIRL IS JUST STUPID. You don't tell a stranger that you're carrying the future king. You just don't. And you definitely don't take him out and about with you. There's no way that would even be possible. There have to be guards looking after Nicolas!!

Anyway, I'm going to end this here before it gets too long. I like this story, but I'm hoping for a little more interaction between Trinity and Zacky. It's moving pretty fast and I really want it to start heading in the direction that it's going to go. I want some stuff to start being revealed and yeah, I'm just waiting!

Update soon!

Oh my god there's gonna be a war, isn't there? Even if not, I'm so excited to see where this goes. I saw trouble coming for Jonathan, but I didn't think it would include Trinity so closely. So. Fantastic.

I absolutely love this. Definite subscription from me. The style choice that you made fits beautifully with the story, and you keep fantastic continuity with your word choice overall. As much as I love the royalty and Trinity, I think Jonathan would have to be the most interesting character to me so far, especially with the last chapter.

I see some significant trouble coming his way, though. He doesn't protect himself very well, and if Zacky is as shady as he appears to be, that won't end well for him. Such a shame.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it on one of your other stories, but I adore the way you write dialogue. It's my largest struggle with my own work, and you just make it flow so well. It's truly amazing. I can't wait to read more!

I love what you did with the summary.
Hail To The King is my favorite song besides Heretic on the new album. And I like how you kind of based the whole story around the song.
I only read the first chapter because if I kept reading I wouldn't get to everyone else's stories (which I swore I'd do before I finished chapter eight of my story XP) so I must hurry, hurry, hurry while the babies away.

I think that Trinity is going to get into a bunch of trouble. Like, uber amounts of trouble because of that room. I mean, couldn't he have been like "Oh its where people go to moan" instead of being like "GRRRR Beware!" You can't tell someone not to look because they're of course going to look. He's setting her up for failure FOR SURE. Anyways, to end my pointless rambling. I didn't see any mistakes and the structure of the story is great. I'm going to recc and subscribe and come back later to finish this little pretty up.

And the plot thickens. I'm really excited to learn more about Johnny's history now that Matt recognized him. Clearly he hasn't always been just a gardener but I haven't figured out how all the pieces fit together yet.

Did Zacky really poison everyone at the party? I knew something was off about him but that surprised me since these were supposed to be his friends. At least Trinity didn't have to deal with it much. Can't wait for the next update!

I'm so glad you updated! Well, now they've confirmed what Trinity already suspected--that the girl was murdered. I feel like Johnny knows something. I just can't believe that he's the murderer, though that would be a bit of a twist since the king is the most obvious suspect. I hate that Trinity has to be at the ball; it's not like she'll be able to have a good time...and not just because she's babysitting. She's just surrounded by unpleasant people. Hope you can update again soon!

I'm so glad you updated! Well, now they've confirmed what Trinity already suspected--that the girl was murdered. I feel like Johnny knows something. I just can't believe that he's the murderer, though that would be a bit of a twist since the king is the most obvious suspect. I hate that Trinity has to be at the ball; it's not like she'll be able to have a good time...and not just because she's babysitting. She's just surrounded by unpleasant people. Hope you can update again soon!

Yay, you updated!! Does Johnny have anything to do with the murders? I wanna if there's some kind of history between Zacky and Johnny that had caused Johnny to have such a dislike for the king. Anyways, cool update!

Well I'm guessing Johnny either knows the dead girl or killed her and dumped the body not thinking anyone would find it before he could properly dispose of it. He better not harm Trinity for digging around too much, though. And I want to know what he's going to be up to while everyone else is at the party.

This party sounds interesting. Surely all will not go according to plan. You'd think the King would be a little nicer to the person caring for his infant son but he probably sees that as beneath him to much( interacting with Trinity at all, I mean).

I really want to know more about the dead girl! Who strangled her? Why does no one seem to care that she just appeared on the grounds dead? I also am intrigued by the possible history with Johnny and Zacky. His dislike of the King isn't only from working for him, is it? I just feel, based on comments he's made, that something happened between the two of them and now he's stuck working for him. I could be pulling that out if thin air, though.

well, it took me some time, but I'm finally commenting on the 4th chapter of King Zacky! ... or Whispers Unsaid, if you prefer...
hmmm who is this poor dead girl Trinity stumbled upon in the woods? (Btw, Trinity, didn't anyone tell you not to go wondering alone in the woods? And no, a baby doesn't count as company in this instance!) Is it just me or Johnny reacted a little weirdly to the girl's body?? Idk, it may just be me...
And King Zacky is definitly hiding something about this death! Johnny and Trinity playing Sherlock and Watson... Hope it doesn't end badly for them!
I'm looking forward to the next chapter and hopefully some more yummy guitarist! I mean... king!

Knowing that Johnny wasn't originally supposed to be in this(that was this story, I think), I'm loving him! He has to know more than he's letting on, but hiding info from Trinity isn't cool, unless he knows the real reason she was brought to the castle and is trying to protect her.

Who is this mysterious girl in the woods the King can't be bothered by? Based on his aloofness, I'd wager a bet that the King had something to do with her death. Maybe she was the one who had Trinity's job prior to Trinity arriving.

Can't wait to find out more about mystery girl, and also for another Trinity/Zacky interaction, given that this is a Zee story and not a Johnny story. But more of Trinity/Johnny is also welcomed :) Just hoping Johnny's nosiness doesn't get him in trouble/killed.

Love this story! Please update this :) I like the time period.

I've only read the first chapter (I subscribed before I was even finished with it) but I plan on coming back and reading the rest.
I really like this. Curious to see how it goes! I <3 anything that has Zacky in it.

Dun dun duuuun! What did she find?!

I'm sad that the Queen doesn't care enough for her baby to feed him herself, but I suppose she is very busy.

I think I'm going to like Jonathan, that hint of sarcasm warmed him to me :)

Looking forward to more!

I think I'm going to start off by saying that I really love the summary or the story. It is really attention-getting which is something that I really like in stories.

I like how you opened up the first chapter and kept it strong throughout the rest of the story. All of the characters are very interesting, and I really love that.

You capture the setting so beautifully. The time period isn't something I see often, and you do it so well that I'm sure others would have trouble matching it. And the way you've gone about introducing the characters is perfect, just a few glimpses of everyone but Trinity. I especially like how you've integrated the story line so well, it's laced through the chapters so well, it wouldn't surprise me if you have the story completely fleshed out. Not to mention the questions you leave dangling from the air. The cliffhanger? Whose dead body did she find? Because that's where my mind went.

You didn't ask for it, but I am going to recommend the story.

Well... I am addicted. This is so good. Your writing is so amazing and descriptive! Even though you didn't ask I am recommending and subscribing to this too!