Summer Has Come and Passed - Comments

One of the best chapters. I'm waiting for more.

I just wanted to comment on the fact that most other people's comments on the first chapter went like "great dialogue!" When it was literally just taken from the WMUWSE video. I mean it's great that you used that to help introduce your characters but you didn't credit where you got that dialogue. I'm sure most people will recognize where it's from but it's plagiarism if you don't credit. I know it's not like we are in school but it just feels morally wrong to use it and not credit. With that being said I think you started an interesting story so far because you started with them already together. It just felt a little too mushy and I didn't really get a sense of who they are as characters because it started off really clichéd. Anyways, I can't wait to read more.

This is really good overall, the description is good, and the flow is great, there's so many feelings that you get from this as well :) good job

I haven't read a Green Day fiction for years! This is definitely a nice change.

Chapter 1
I am a sucker for a dialogue-driven story. But that's just me. I think it's great that you can convey so much... Billie's feelings, how he wanted to keep the moment he had with her, how he thought about the future without bombarding everything with overflowing description. The dialogues are enough to get everything across.

Chapter 2
You have no idea how much feels I'm feeling right now. This raw emotions, the care they obviously had for each other. It's your typical teenage romance, just them against the world but it didn't make it any less beautiful. It's the best kind of romance. It's intense, it's silly but it's real.

I'm completely amazed with they way you manage to pull in my feelings into this story. And it's just the second chapter!

Chapter 3
OH MY GOD THEY'RE JUST SO SWEET I WANNA THROW UP RAINBOW!!

I can see where Vienna's coming from. Personally, I agree with her. But that's probably I'd always been a practical person and... kind of a coward, I guess. So I always thought that no matter how good you are in anything, by the end of the day, you need to have a back up plan, a diploma, something to fall back into. At least, if you don't make it, you have something, a certification that will help you to get a real job, a steady life, economically.

Awww... they fought and they made up almost immediately. That's like the sweetest thing ever!!

Chapter 4

Quote

People say we shouldn’t be together
We're too young to know about forever
But I say they don’t know what they're talk-talk-talkin’ about (talk-talk-talkin’ about)

I'm sorry I'm quoting One Direction's lyric but I think it fits this chapter perfectly.

I also understand where her mother's coming from. What mother wants to see her daughter's future ruined, right? Like... they're just still so young and maybe she's concerned because Billie had even dropped out of high school. She's just worried about her daughter's future.

But maybe the way she approached it seemed a little harsh? Seeing how attached Vienna was to Billie.

Chapter 5
I. Felt. Like. Something. Had. Just. Punched. A. Hole. Right. In. My. Chest. I. Can't. Breathe.

This story is sooooo full of feels that I just can't... I'm in love!!

So as much as I love them as a couple, I can see her mom's point. It is a concern for people who are around couples who are this young and this intense; they are worried that it will end in total devastation, and no one wants to see a loved one go through that. I think she is making a smart choice, because sometimes taking a break is actually the way to figure out what you really want and make the bond stronger. However, it still hurts my heart a little for this to happen. They're so cute and I just want them to be together forever.

And I know this comment probably seems like it's contradicting itself, but I swear it isn't. Lol.

Chapter 1: I really like the way you started this out. This first chapter was beautifully written and it just made me smile because they're so cute. It's such a relaxing setting and the perfect setting for romance.

Chapter 2: Another cute chapter, much like the first. These chapters with these little random moments in the couple's relationship are a really good tool to show what their relationship is like. From these chapters, I can tell that they have a relaxed, loving, and healthy relationship.

Chapter 3: When you say he's irresistible, you're trying to say she doesn't want to kiss him, so I think you mean he's resistible because if he was irresistible, then she wouldn't be able to help herself from kissing him.

Aw, their fight was really cute. Like, fights aren't fun, but you made this really cute especially the way they made up. xD

Chapter 4: Wow, I don't like her mom. How can you try to break apart a perfectly healthy relationship where both parties are more than happy. She just needs to butt out of it.

Chapter 5: "Where is this coming from?"
"My mom's ass."

Ugh. No, V, don't take your mom's advice.

I'm subbing because I need to see where this leads. ._.

Also, the only thing I really saw wrong with this story was the incorrect use of a word that I mentioned above and run on sentences. But other than that it's really good and the plot is very captivating.

That was definately not something I was expecting. Keep updating I can't wait!

@ MoonlightMile
Descriptions as far as what, hon? Let it out, tell me, lol. I can always use some improvement.

You can post everyday, it's not a problem for me :)
Drama huehuehue I like it and still waiting for more as always.
Could I ask for some descriptions between the dialogues.
Really, that was a nice one chapter, maybe not some lyrical as the first ones but had more action.

Ooh I wonder if they are going to break up? I love thos chapter

Aww Billie's so cute. That's actually how my boyfriend was at first, all sweet and 'lets last for ever' now he's more of an 'you have no choice but to be with me 'cause I'll follow you' kind of guy but it's not as creepy as it sounds ha. It's really great how you described the setting, and the green background helped me to see the pair sitting under a tree. I swear, for a moment, I even heard the wind in my room.

I feel like these first two chapters are so dreamy. Like they're memories from a while ago. They're so cute and such great examples of an adorable romance that seems to border on the line of perfection. Billie and Vienna seem very happy with each other, and I'm assuming this is when they are very young. I like that tone for this story, it shows the good side to their relationship rather than the ugly side. Of course, every relationship has a bad side.

That was something I've been waiting for :) Now we see other side of her life. It's not too sweet and cute as we could see before. You have perfectly caught the spirit of summer and its romances. But I want to know more about the main character, not just about the relationship with BJ. I support domi823 in her request of knowing more about Vienna.
BTW. That conversation was very similar to what I have in my real life with my mother, but I and she never talk about men in my life, we just scream on each other because of some stupid shit. Thank for showing how real talk with parent looks like.
Love ya girl :)

I'm here from my comment swap ^_^

I don't usually read band fiction, but I'm very excited for this one. Green Day is one of my top 10 bands!

Anyway, let's begin!

Chapter 1 - I love how cute this starts. It shows the relationship between the two characters before something bad happens (which I'm assuming will happening based on your author's note). I also like how you write out Billie Joe's dialogue. I love when people put dialect in their stories instead of perfect grammar shrammer stuff all the time.

The only thing I suggest is to reread it once to go through some mistakes. The only ones I saw were the dialogues that weren't questions or exclamations. They didn't have a comma at the end and there needs to be one.

That's it so far. On to chapter 2!

Chapter 2 - I can't handle how cute these two are. Seriously. And Billie Joe is hilarious

Only recommendation for this chapter is the same as the last.

Chapter 3 - Damn. Billie Joe's comment made me gasp as well. I like you mentioning his band. I do have to agree with Vienna with this one, despite the fact that we all know where Green Day is today. Backup plans wouldn't hurt.

General - So as a whole, the only critique I have is with the dialogue. I'm not going to go more into this since I already explained it in chapter 1 :)

Also, since it is in Vienna's POV, I would love to know more about her. So far all I know is that she's in love with Billie Joe and she wants him to have a backup plan just in case Green Day doesn't work out.

This story is pretty great though. The first two chapters are adorable and I'm excited to see why this won't be completely sunshine and rainbows. I'm subscribing!

I'm waiting for some drama :)
But I can't complaint about cuteness either. The argument was very needed and I love how it broke the sweetness of this adorable pair, they're human after all.

These two are so ridiculously adorable! And intense. I particularly loved him jumping up on the bench and shouting to "the world" that he loves her. I can see both sides in their spat, but I tend to lean towards Vienna's argument--a diploma is a good backup plan. I can't wait to see where you take this!

Chapter One

Quote

Oakland California, Summer

This should probably be written: "Oakland, California. Summer."

You're missing a bit of punctuation here and there. For example:

Quote

"Y’ know they say life is short, they say you wake up one day and it's gone" Billie said with the same laid back position and same lazy tone, but with seriousness over-coating everything he had just said, “No more anything” I blinked away my increasing confusion

should be:

"Y’ know they say life is short, they say you wake up one day and it's gone," Billie said with the same laid back position and same lazy tone, but with seriousness over-coating everything he had just said, “No more anything.” I blinked away my increasing confusion.

I won't list every little gramatical error because most of it is just missed full stops and that you need to put punctuation after speech. Like: "Green Day are the best band ever" she said." isn't correct. It needs punctuation (in this case a comma) after "ever".

I love that you have Billie Joe saying "Y' know" so much because it's true to how he speaks haha. Silly man. I also like the sense that "don't leave me" isn't going to run true to them...

Chapter Two

Quote

"You know I'm just pulling ya leg,” He cooed, “You’re thee most beautiful sight. A grand sight”

Is that supposed to be "the?

Quote

“Oakland California, I fucking love this girl. I fuckin’ love her, way more than she fuckin’ loves me”

Hahaha awwwwh, Bilie Joe, you clown :P

Chapter Three

Quote

“This means I lose, right?” I asked, resting my head on his chest, his soft T-shirt helping to make an exceptional pillow.

"T-shirt" doesn't need to be capitalised unless it's at the start of the sentence.

Quote

I couldn't think of any teenager in their right mind who would want to come back to their high school just to hangout and screw around, especially seeing as though both no longer attend the school.

In the summary for the story you mentioned that the story was set in the mid-90s but in the mid 90s (which I'd think of as 1994-1997 and in the middle of their Dookie success) Billie wasn't a teenager. In fact you then say a little further on from this that he dropped out a year ago and since he dropped out at 18, he's 19 in the story and the year is therefore 1991. Perhaps "early 90s" would work better :)

Quote

"I oughta put somethin' in your mouth just so you'll shut the hell up"

:O Billie Joe, you arse!

General comments

Okay so after reading through, here's what I have to say.

You have issues with grammar/punctuation when you write dialogue. Correct dialogue is as follows:
"Vienna, you're so gorgeous," said Billie Joe.
and
"Vienna, you're so gorgeous." Billie kissed me on the cheek.

It doesn't take anything away from your story, it's just a minor thing you might want to work on. :)

I'd like to know more about Vienna. This is written in her POV but we aren't given a lot of information about her. We know she loves Billie Joe and we know, according to Billie Joe when he's pissed off, that she's "no saint". But why not? What's she doing with her life that makes it okay for her to tell Billie to go back to school? Is she still in school? Is she studying? Is she working? What makes her "no saint" but not so much so that he doesn't use that information against her? By that I mean, I feel like if by "you're no Saint yourself sweetheart, believe me" he means that she's not in school either then why doesn't he just use that information against her?

I also feel like the first two chapters don't give enough away as to where the story is going. It shows that they're in love, but there's no sense of her worry about Billie Joe's direction and security in life, and of anything else to come.

That being said, I can't wait to see where this leads. We all know Green Day come out with Dookie and that was pretty big so Vienna will have to eat her words :P

I cannot wait for the drama! (Is that bad to say? Idk) anyways, this I'd beautifully written, the dialog between them is so realistic it's like you're witnessing it. Keep writing

I love the direction this is going. It feels like a calm read right now, but what makes it so exciting is the underlying trouble just waiting to throw the reader into serious drama. It is well written, too, and that's rare in a lot of Green Day fan-fiction nowadays.

By the way, BEAUTIFUL layout and cover choice! I love it!

Not only was this story adorable but it was inspiring as well! I always have a rough time writing fluff and including cute body language but this helps me already. I like the plot so far and the way you have with words! Can't wait for the drama parts!

Super cute. In fact spending night in park with the one is the greatest thing in the world.
Can't wait!