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Lullaby and Night Cries - Comments

  • Yummy Octopie

    Yummy Octopie (100)

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    Again, very interesting. The dialogue works much better now, too. Great update! Hope to see more soon!

    B x
    June 29th, 2014 at 09:07pm
  • Yummy Octopie

    Yummy Octopie (100)

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    Member
    Gender:
    ♀
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    United States
    This is really interesting and a great start! Your attention to detail is really nice, as well. However, it would read much smoother if you separated the lines of dialogue. When you string them all together its difficult to distinguish who is saying what. Other than that, its great! I'm looking forward to more!

    b x
    June 26th, 2014 at 05:07am
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