Eliza - Comments

@ DrWhofangirl
Thank you :)

Cool! Liked it!

@ Lady Nikki Nightmare
Why thank you

As the latest victim to the murderer Eliza's death list there should be commas around the murderer here. Almost the second the note was placed the police arrived did you mean Almost as soon as the second note was placed? The note feel to the ground that should be fell. Sarah stared at his life less body should be lifeless. you are still grieving over your lose should be loss. Sarah spook as if she was talking to a child Sarah spoke. Miss James stropped emphasizing did you mean stopped? and the [/i ] and the end is actually showing up as [/p ] just so you know.

Other than all that :), I'm so sorry for sounding like a grammar tyrant, trust me I'm sure you can go through my stories and find plenty of mistakes too. But I love your story. Seriously, Eliza is funny and sometimes frightened like you showed in the prologue. And the almost fight scene between the drunken Mrs. James and Sarah was pretty awesome! Your dialogue is good. I suggest putting spaces between the dialogue though, like their paragraphs on their own. But you're doing a great job with this, and you definitely keep Eliza's secrets.

@ Lady Nikki Nightmare
Thank you! I wouldn't have noticed some of those mistakes Your advice if very helpful, thank you. Your comment made me smile (the last paragraph)

First, your summary is good. It's gripping and makes me want to read. That being said there are like two errors in it. #1: Follow Sarah Fawns in this thrilling mystery to uncover the identity of Eliza. #2: Stab her, shoot her or maybe set her on fire? And just a suggestion, if I was you, I think I would put that letter from Eliza at the end in italics.

Second: the prologue. I think you meant to have paragraphs? If you didn't I suggest hitting enter after emotion and alley. In the second paragraph you have This is how I relayed her I think you mean repaid. You also have I looked down at her, mouth agape and eyes wide and unblinking. I would change that to I looked down at her; her mouth agape, and eyes wide, unblinking.

All of the above being said... I love this. Your ending I liked Killing her. leaves me hanging on the edge of my seat. One of my favorite lines in the Prologue was Her face was covered...in the middle of her chest there was a small hole decorated with a ring of blood. Even though you don't describe much, I love the way you do describe things. Who uses decorated and blood in the same sentence other than a madwoman :)! I'm subbing now. This is going places, I can tell.