Transcendence - Comments

I honestly cannot stop thinking about this story, I read it yesterday and had to come back and leave a comment. It is so, so great. The whole idea behind the story, the immortality, the sacred stone, I absolutely adore the picture above the paragraphs I think it really suits the whole feeling of the story.

This is quite good. I'm definitely interested in reading more. Thank you for the story. *bounces around excitedly*

I think the characterization and imagery are my two favorite things about this.

I think I've seen others comment on this, but they're right: you are very good with imagery, and with narrative without it becoming purple prose or something like that.

One quick thing: is slayer supposed to be capitalized? Because for some places (a majority) it is, and for others it isn't.

I was a little confused when I noticed the POV switches (first to third), but I've actually seen other authors do this and it can work pretty well. It'll be interesting to see the differences in the sisters' perspectives, and I wonder if the first person versus third person might say something about their personalities. The first chapter made Sonia seem like a somewhat bad person, but then we get possible reasons for her behavior. Serenity seems to exaggerate Sonia's bad characteristics, but they're still kind of there (like how Sonia can be careless, it seems). But they still kind of care for each other. I like that, even though the point of view differs, the characterization is consistent, if that makes sense.

I've only read the first chapter, but this story is gorgeous. The imagery is fantastic and honestly there is no time to have other thoughts while I'm reading this because it flows so well. I'm captivated and I can't wait to read more. I really like how they posses different elements and their personalities are so distinguishable. I will read more when I can. I also really relate to you when it comes to jotting down ideas and then leaving them for like months before coming back to them. I do it all of the time!

This first chapter is stunning. Your imaginary sends shivers down my spine as you described the destruction. Everything is stunning from the general idea of the story, down to the way you describe it. So far, I am in awe not only because of how few magical, elemental stories there are, but because you present the idea in an elegant way that shows you are a great writer, and not simply an amateur.

I'm a HUGE fan of anything supernatural/fantasy/magical so this is right up my alley! I've read a lot of stories, but haven't seen something quite as original as this on Mibba, so I'm very excited to see more. Even tho there's only 1 chapter, I think it's amazing. I'm already completely hooked, very intrigued , and eager for more. You have a beautiful writing style, everything flows so smoothly and I get a beautiful mental picture in my head of what's happening. So, keep up the good work!