When Winter Burns - Comments

I love how he's pondering the whole mutant aspect, and how he's trying to find an explanation for how she beat him to the data, because really, no one should be better than him

I know this comment is short but that's because I was just glued to the screen. I didn't spot any errors so absolutely nothing broke the flow of your writing. The post-it note was just hilarious and I can't wait to find out what happens when Bucky goes to report back - I have so many possible scenarios running around in my head, I have to know which is correct! And I have to say that your descriptions of a rundown apartment were just brilliant. I swear you convey things so well, it forms the image in my mind beautifully and there's no feeling of "this is description-heavy" or anything like that. It's natural in your writing and I'm quite jealous! I absolutely loved the update and like I said, I'm dying for another. Well done, as always

He's so freaking intense I love it

hahaha oh gosh I love this!
she totally out smarted the winter soldier and taunted him about it with a post it note!!
and now he's got to tell his boss that he failed the mission.. aawe poor thing!!
can't wait for them to ''meet'' or however their next encounter will be..

chapter one ~

wow o.o i really haven't read anything on mibba for so long. now that i've come to this im just like drooling in a puddle. i absolutely love the layout, can i just say. & i adore the simplicity behind this first chapter. there's so much to indulge in & the development of this sharp shoot was perfect. you went into great detail & i loved how so much could be said w/o the use of dialogue. assassination killings are always a turn on point on my part



chapter two ~

i love the first paragraph of chap two. yea don't flirt w/ mr. handsome or you'd die trying, eh? but holy hell bc i feel like im reading a mystery novel ft marvel, ha. i really love what you have going in this world you've created for the readers. it's captivating really. i can't get over the simple tone that hints off every word making up a sentence. very well done!

You have such a way of describing things that it really draws me in, and I like the unique ways you word your sentences, like I thought "drove several noses into overworked brains" was brilliant, and same for "He clung to his training, to stealth". It all just paints such a good image in my mind and it's easy to follow. Not to mention the wonderful pace you're writing at too.

Such a minor thing, but here "He took the agents pass..." you missed the apostrophe and I got confused for a bit And again here "...your makeups smudged!". You're accidentally making the nouns plural instead of possessive.

I think it was a nice touch to have him use a knife, especially when he was cornered, because we know how much he likes his blades. Plus it was also good that you did have him pinned down for a moment, because he isn't perfect, he won't just walk in and out without any difficulties, you know?

Couldn't help but grin when he got to the storage unit and the chip was missing I feel like it really is a huge deal for him to fail, he definitely wouldn't be used to having that issue when on a mission. I would have liked a bit of a description of her though, just the first few things he noticed about her before she fled. You've done such a great job so far at creating the scene so clearly, but it then lacked in that moment.

I really enjoyed reading this chapter, which is probably because it's my first new chapter in a while I loved how you described the action at the start and then left me feeling determined at the end. Can't wait for another update!

You definitely have a very alluring idea here. I like how you are able to take a character from a well-known comic/film and give him his own story. There is a lot of fan fiction out there that fails at being able to stand on its own. You have successfully started a piece that does not need to rely on its popularity in the outside fan fiction world. It takes a lot of talent to pluck a character from fame and create a new world; a new story.

You're a little comma happy, aren't you My only criticism focuses on tense and grammar. I noticed three occurrences in particular. The first is a shift in tense, which almost everyone is guilty of. In the first chapter, you wrote, "A shadow passed over him, drew his attention just enough for him to determine it was not threat." "Drew" should be "drawing," or reword it to, "A shadow passing over him drew his attention…" Sometimes reading out loud helps with this. It helps us to catch a road bump in our writing that may otherwise disrupt the flow of the scene/action/narrative.

The other two things I noticed where in chapter two. You wrote, "When she was out of sight, the man turned and nodded to an elderly man reading a fishing magazine, moved for the corner booth." This sounds awkward and the comma breaks the action. I would suggest, "When she was out of sight, the figure turned and nodded to an elderly man reading a magazine before sliding into the corner booth." The last one is, "He blew, sipped, hummed, and smiled." This implies that he did all four things at once. Again, these are all very minor, but were the only things that stood out to me. Otherwise, you have a very interesting and creative story here.

My oh my oh my. He faaaaaaailed. Just... Holy fuck, I did not see that one coming. Wonder what he'll do? Whether he's gonna drive himself insane waiting for her to show back up somewhere or, if he'll go after her.

I fucking love this so much.

Bucky is evil.
Like really evil.
And angry. Can he go to counseling?
Ok I know that's not possible lmao.
Love it bub!!!!!

Bring me more!

Soooooo good. Can't wait for more!

Wow, immediately I'm just sucked in. The beginning of the first chapter is perfect - I can totally just see the cold storm and how he hates the weather. It all just made me see gray, ya know? I liked it especially when you wrote about the bird and how it just disappeared into the dark of a storm again. I could see the dark storm clouds rolling in! And I love how he sees the target and just takes her in completely, enough to make notes of certain aspects of her that stick out - like her jaw and cheeks. And then I could just feel a sort of tension in the writing when he talked about never showing weakness. The pauses and breaks really help bring it out!

Then he just goes in for the kill and he's so composed about it. Fucking a, man. (I haven't seen Winter Soldier yet - SHAME ON ME, RIGHT?) But yeah!

And then the second chapter is just so chill and laid back in comparison and the end is like WHOA. Really great! I think that you have a unique style of writing, especially with how you phrase things. For example the last sentence in the second chapter, "The cost of swimming with sharks." I love that sentence for some reason!

Great job!

I very nearly had to lock myself in the toilet to read this, fucking people man.

First of all, I'm really stoked that you're writing and posting again, I've missed your stories!

Second, that title is intriguing me. Will he get burned by something? Or someone? I'm looking forward to finding out! Judging by the summary, I think it might be someone.

I really like the first chapter, it's very clinical and straight forward, no messing about. He knows his mission and he gets it done, no questions asked.

I like how we don't get to know who his handler is in the second chapter, you refer to him as simply "him", I also like the interaction between them, or lack of, it's all very mysterious and cloak and dagger. I love it!

Poor waitress, shouldn't be so quick to flirt with everything that moves though. I like how you've left it open to interpretation, did bucky do it? Did someone else do it? Was Bucky present? I'm thinking about this far too much, haha. Re-reading chapter 2, I had another thought. Was it the handler? He seemed to want to "take the girl for a ride". Who knows! Haha.

I like how you've written Bucky, he's an assassin at the end of the day, he needs to be completely focused at all times. Not just on the job, but his surroundings, too. Quick question, if the Winter Soldier doesn't happen in this story, will he still be of sound mind? I think I just answered my own question, haha, the winter soldier never happened! I'm looking forward to reading more of his back story, though.

You already know I love your writing, it flows so well. I really like the line "Hands trained for war did not shake" I like how you describe the mark, only a short paragraph but it's all I need to be able to picture her. I love that you don't use too much flowery language haha. I like this line, too "The cost of swimming with sharks."

Awesome start to the story, I'm very much looking forward to reading more, finding out what his new mission is, what it entails, meeting White Tiger!

More please!

I love the technicality in the first chapter. The second chapter is a nice step. I'm going to give this a further shot and subscribe. And can I just say, the end of the second chapter is wicked. Great job here!

More soon, please and thank you!

Really great chapter. Can't wait for more! xx

Oh my bub. (say that like oh my goodness but with bub really slow that's how i typed it) :)

I am beyond ecstatic that you have returned to us here on Mibba. And writing. I'm like, bouncing in my work chair because I'm so excited.

Bucky is cool. Good looking in a certain way. I can dig this. Hell you could write about worms and I'd read it. *cackles*

I'll shut up now. I love you! I'm glad you're back and kicking butt as always.

So glad you're finally posting this It's such a great first chapter that really sets the tone and reveals so much about where Bucky's at. Hope you update soon! (And in the mean time, I'll just stare at your gorgeous layout )

Holy crap this is some seriously good writing. I'm so intrigued, even after the first chapter. Can't wait for more! xx

I am so beyond happy you're posting again!

I liked this. I know you were worried about the length, but it fits the story well. If that makes sense. Quick and to the point, like his hunts. (Well, not this one. It was like four hours over. But he does the job quickly and is out of there just as quick.) You're out of your comfort zone, but you're definitely swimming.

Just, geez. Your detail is on point, and I just love it. I can't wait to read about more of his hunts.