Photographs - Comments

I really love this babe!!!

It's not crappy! I loved this and I hope you'll be updating it soon. Xxx

oh i hope we receive an update soon love this story

I've read chapter 2 and it was shorter than the first chapter, not that it was a problem, I'm kind of curiocurious about Johnny and why he doesn't have a family, does he just hate his family or does he truly just not have one?

I wonder if Sarah will find her dad, usually when they say that there's a ton of them lol

There were a few mistakes only that there needed to be commas in a few places there should have been.

Ugh, I'm in love with this. Please update this soon!

So this story seems really nice so far. I'm not really into fan-fiction, and I don't really listen to Avenged Sevenfold, but this is nice.
Just as a suggestion, maybe you should shorten some of your sentences. Especially in the second paragraph on the first chapter, some of the sentences were too long. It made it hard to follow and felt kind of overwhelming, I guess the word is. Varying your sentence lengths more will make it flow better.
Unless it's a large number it shouldn't be written in its numerical version, so 10 should be ten.

"I was generally happy from the time I was a little baby until the time I was 10, once I understood where I was and why I was there I kind of lost the happiness. I realized at the ripe age of 10 years old that I was in an orphanage." There are bits like this that seem a little redundant. We were just told that she was ten, so it doesn't need to be repeated so soon. Maybe try something like this: "I was generally happy from the time I was a little baby until I was ten, when I discovered - to my dismay - I lived in an orphanage."

"... but from all the research I can find online about Orange County back on my date of birth in 1995 it was raining." this part of the sentence is also fairly unnecessary.

"You could see the rips from me ripping the two pictures that were taped to the page off..." The 'you' here seems really out of place with how it's been written so far. Maybe change it to something like "I ripped the pictures from the page off..."

When someone is referring to someone in quotations and whatnot, include a comma before their name. For example: "How are you, Sally?"

Still, it's a pretty decent story. Fixing up things like the ones I picked up could make it even greater, at least in my opinion.

This was such a sweet reunion! Jimmy is so cute just

I love this story !!!

So happy to see them finally together. I really hope everything will turn out right between them as they learn to know each other!

So happy to see them finally together. I really hope everything will turn out right between them as they learn to know each other!

@ Sullivan1981
I'm honored then! Thank you so much for the comment :D

Alright, I've read the first chapter and I have to day I'm not always amazed by people who can write realistic stories because I never can. There has to be something supernatual in it if I'm writing it. However, while usually I don't like realistic stories, you've written it in a way that has me curious to know what will happen next. What's going to happen when she meets her parents, will they still be alive, will they still be in Orange County, are they still together. I actually expect her father to be in jail since it was said he stole unless he just turned over a new leaf after she was born.

Next I love layout, its really pretty, did you make it? If not it was still a great judgment call.

I've not commented on a story in a heck of a long time, but this one just pulls me in.

You describe with raw honesty the emotions of Sarah feeling abandoned and lost within the bureaucracy of adoption and trying to find her birth family.

Finding out about her mother... heartbreaking.

The tension of building up to "how is she going to meet Jimmy" as we know she will eventually, was fab.

Jimmy's reaction ? Just oh. I can picture him in my head. The look on his face when realisation kicked in. Brian's reaction like he'd seen a ghost...

I wonder how their relationship will build now... I hope Sarah doesn't shut Jimmy (or the others) out as she (quite rightly) feels abandoned

xx

Loved the update honey. I cried on this chapter too. It's just so sad and all but it's so good too! I loved it honey and I can't wait to see more!

Loved the update honey. I cried on this chapter too. It's just so sad and all but it's so good too! I loved it honey and I can't wait to see more!

wondeful update :)

It was sad, but was also happy too. And I know what you mean. I miss my dad too. It's been just over 3 years ago since he passed.

Hope you can update again soon cos this is just brilliant! xxx

Omg she found Jimmy!!!!! I'm like so happy right now!! Love this story!

You're pulling my heart strings!!

Whoops, double post.