Terminus - Comments

The layout sets the tone for this and is really beautiful. That first line is both chilling and enticing. You have this amazing symmetry that flows so well. Particularly in the line about the clothing. That line really had my jaw dropping. The one thing I noticed was that you used primal nature and then primitive so its slightly redundant. But your sentence structure really elevates this piece. Although its short, I think each line packs a punch, and is delivered strategically. Every word feels deliberate, and your imagery was fantastic. Somehow (and amazingly) you managed to give action in this artistic, descriptive way that made it feel like more was happening not the page than was actually written. guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't feel as short as it is.

HI HELLO YOU NEED TO WRITE LONGER STORIES PLEASE THANKS

This story is kinda based off of Magnets, yeah? It kinda reminded me of the music video which was really cool.

Anyways, I seriously have no idea how you can write something so short and just tell an entire story in it. Your word choice is so flawless and everything flows so well. It felt super easy to read despite the big words you had going on (). There was a lot of emotion in the story as well, which is super hard to do when all you have to work with is 100 words.

I loved your metaphors and what not, as per usual. I liked that you used the night and the wind to almost control what the characters were going to do, if you know what I mean. It was really interesting to read.

Anyways, fantastic job as always!

The layout is so simplistic but beautiful.

I'm so jealous of how you manage to write so little but pack a punch! I adore the metaphors / similes you used. The only disappointing point is that I wish there was more to read!

Your detail is short but to the point, very effective. The layout is simplistic which I also enjoy. You have a very engaging writing skill that I envy.

A.

I'm so glad you asked me to read this as part of my giveaway. I always love to see writers who can write a piece that's so short yet packs such a punch. This was absolutely beautiful, all of it. Word choice, flow, and even the layout.

For the few words that were used to put this all together, I have to say that this was beautifully written and captivating. You've described the union of two people so perfectly, not to mention that with the expansive vocabulary you used, the words put into this made the story very poetic. I think you really gave stellar definitions about the emotions they had and how they lost themselves in the moment.

My favorite part was probably when you described the man as primitive and an animal, because it's really what we are as human beings. I felt like this story wasn't focused on any one thing, but on everything at once. To me, it felt as if everything was working together and happening at the same time, and like the world was helping them do something beautiful.

Awesome job on this!

This is beautiful. It has perfect imagery, I can't complain about the grammar, and Radiant is right. The layout is gorgeous and the story is poetic. I love that it's sort of Mother Nature pushing your characters together in a way.

daaaaang man, that was just so... poetic. and not to mention, the layout was gorgeous. :$