The Ultimate Soldier - Comments

I LOVE this take on the prompt! I always enjoy stories like this, with government experiments and modified super soldiers. I really liked Captain Miller and the way he almost treated Lani like a daughter figure even though everyone else just thought of her as an experiment. I also dig the way she was more human than the doctors who created her thought she would be and actually felt emotions.

I did feel like the ending was a little abrupt, but I think that's mostly because I wanted to read more about Lani. You should at some point continue this or make a sequel or something because I'd love to see more of this.

This was a beautiful take on the prompt given to us and I absolutely adored what you did with it. I love the depth Lani has and how the Captain treats her. While everyone else does view her as nothing more than an experiment, he sees her as a human which is amazing.

The only thing I would've liked is more description and perhaps more information on Lani herself. I do hope you continue this because I want to see what more could potentially happen.

Well done!

@ NegroLeo
Thank you :)

This was a different take then what others have done so far I like the fact that the birthmark is not mentioned until the end. It's not as easy to see the emotion or lack of in Lani. The only time she doesn't feel human is at the end when she is talking to the captain. Maybe you could have elaborated the differences better between her and the rest of her teammates.

This was a wonderful piece of work I enjoyed reading it.

@ orange county.
The first draft was longer and had more in it, but then when I read it through I thought that there was too much if that makes sense

Thank you for your comment :)

First of all, this is such an interesting take on the prompt. I also like that this isn't set that far into the future, like a crazy technological storm is on its way.

Captain Miller is instantly charming when compared to the Doctor, whose speech is so deatched from emotion and everything human. I think that works perfectly.

I got caught up in the robot/human science vs. nature stuff that I totally forgot about everything else going on to be honest. I think a quick bit of exposition would be useful. Why does this team exist? Who are the rebels?

Overall, I think that this story could've been a bit longer. I like the ending, with the revelation about the birthmark and Captain Miller's quest to figure out exactly what is going on with the science experiments, but I think that the story could be fleshed out quite a bit before the grenade goes off.