Andy - Comments

Whoa whoa whoa, that show walking into the school got me all in a tizzy. Then Andy messing with everyone during class had me cracking up!! Of course I'm really curious as to how Elizabeth's nose got broken, where the heck this Reece guy came from, and what they thought when they saw Ash talking "to herself"...and fingerprints?? What the hell happened to Ash? Yikes, you've got me all sorts of addicted to this story in the best possible way.

I can't wait for the next update! Take your time, of course, no rush. Just wanting you to know I'm excited for it!

I cannot believe Ash actually said that to her dad! I mean it's true, she has been a brat to her parents, but it isn't necessarily her fault. From all the trauma she's faced, it makes sense for her to be changing, even if it is extreme - whether Andy is in the picture or not.

I think it would suck being in Ash's position - I mean, there's no real logical way to tell anyone that you see dead people, much less your parents. But she was soooo close, agh!!!

I am addicted. This story is like my drug. It was so sweet how Ashley helped her up and then took her hand in the hallway. I just think it's crazy thinking about this whole chapter. How could she even try to fix this? Would she have to send Andy and Ashley away? How could she ever get back to her "normal" self?

Poor Ash, and her poor family. I feel so bad for all three of them because this story is so immersive you've placed me into their family dynamic. I can feel what they're feeling. Good job, like always, you're freaking amazing!!!

The kids were actually "clones" weren't they?? Oh my god and Ashley actually knowing where she was...YES! I want so bad to figure out what's "wromg" with Ashley and for him to be fixed, because I want him to be a good guy so bad.

And man, Ash's dad wasn't playing. He was ready to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he was all out of bubblegum. This story gives me life. I can't wait until the next update!!

Good god, you've killed me with this cliffhanger!! In a weird twisted way I want it to be Ashley that saves Ash, or at least is the one that tells Andy where she is. I feel like that would be his retribution in a way. I'm so in love with this story. I can't wait for the next update!!!

I love getting notifications that this has been updated, because you've given such a great story for me to dive into! Like I said in my last comment, I've read it nonstop, even going back to reread simply because I am so in love with this world you've created.

Asheen is such an interesting character. Her name is interesting in itself, but the more you read, the more you feel like you know her. She is someone who articulates well and has such an interesting way of thinking. At first, I was afraid she would be one of those "incredibly perfect" people, and I guess she sort of was, but you were quick to also point out that she had flaws, that there was dimension to her, that she wasn't just a simple name on a page but rather an integral part of this story.

I also love how you've kind of been able to claim Dead Andy and Dead Ashley as your own - giving them character traits and actions that don't necessarily exist in the real world (specifically with Ashley).

I love the originality of the story, as well. I mean, it's not uncommon to see stories about ghosts/deceased people if you're actively looking for something like that. However, you've taken a story with a lot of really dark themes and you've turned it into something that is inspiring. Reading some of the things that Andy says as encouragement to Asheen actively inspires me as well. You have a way of wording things in a way that carries into your readers' day to day lives - at least if they're as actively into this story as I am.

I'm really genuinely excited to see how Ash and Andy's relationship grows. I'm also incredibly intrigued by Ashley's attitude towards Ash, and I'm hoping he comes around. There are so many things that are incredibly mysterious about Dead Ashley, including the "mind control" thing? I am really excited to see where that goes. I really don't want Ashley to be a villain in this story, but I'm very excited to see how this plays out, where you take this story.

I also really want to know more about Clone Andy and more about the woods and the creepy cemetery out in the woods. I feel like that is another plot point that could be followed into something really interesting.

I really really wish that Ash's parents could understand and have more patience with her - regardless of whether or not she sees dead people, she did experience something rather traumatic by experiencing death up close like that. And it's not uncommon for teenagers to change their attitudes, appearances, social circles, and even personality. It's not always intentional, sometimes it's just one of those things that happens (due to trauma or developing minds, all sorts of things like that). As a reader, I am rooting for Ash so hard and I relate to her and just want her parents to back up.

Long story short, I am in love with this story. I cannot stop reading it, and it's just so enjoyable to read. I hope you update again soon!

I am so insanely in love with this story. I've been reading nonstop for 8 hours. I'm craving more of this. Definitely subbing.

I skipped down the chapel's front steps just as the first rain drops began to slip free from the clouds above. I smiled, grateful for the rain. I loved the gloomy feeling that came with the drops, like fire, it felt like balance returning to earth for a little while. There was nothing that compared to sitting in the burned out house on Apture Road, watching the rain trickle off the roof, dripping off the vines that consumed the remainder of the building. Just watching that rain, and thinking about life, was one of the single greatest things in my life.

Of course, I had other things. I'm not jumping straight in, saying I cherish rain, fire and death themes. If it makes you feel any better, most all of the clothes I own are white, because I don't like black. For that reason, I dyed my hair emerald green the year I turned thirteen, because my parents finally consented. -WhereMyDemonsHide

Mixing past tense with present tense where the narrator has established past tense from the start of the story... Ouch.

Consider...

I skipped down the chapel's front steps just and the first rain drops slipped free from the clouds above. I smiled, grateful for the rain. I loved the gloomy feeling that came with the drops, like fire, it felt like balance had returned to earth for a little while. Nothing compared to have sat in the burned out house on Apture Road, watched the rain trickled off the roof, driped off the vines that consumed the remainder of the building. That was one of the single greatest things in my life.

Of course, I had other things. I hadn't said I cherished rain, fire and death themes. If it made you felt any better, most all of the clothes I had owned were white, because I had not liked black. For that reason, I dyed my hair emerald green the year I turned thirteen, because my parents finally consented.

Nothing personal here. When I started reading, it stuck out like a sore thumb for me as a reader. There are other areas in your prose where you are continued to mix tenses but I used the beginning to illustrate my observation.

You see, I normally hate band fiction it gets to be so boring to me but I'm five chapters in and I've got to say this one has really caught my attention, Bravo! That is a hard thing to do! So I will be subscribing and using this story as a coffee break read for work. Keep up the good work!

holy shit I love this!

I'm only on chapter 47; but I reallllllyyyy hope you make this relationship more then just friends, you've set up so many potential first kiss scene's it's driving me mad, lol .

@ pretty-thumb
Thanks for the comment! I've been thinking about re-writing it as an original fiction to try and publish. I'll definitely keep those points in mind!

Disclaimer: I don't know anything about the band or the man this was written about, so I'll just be focusing on your actual writing in this comment.

I found the first chapter to be a bit sporadic and I felt like this distracts from the story. You can show that your main character is spacey and has thoughts that flicker from one thing to the next without having the narrator say so outright. It's always better to "show, don't tell" when it comes to your writing. If your character is awkward, don't just call them awkward, show how awkward they are by having them interact with other characters as well. This paragraph in particular was really distracting for me as a reader:

Ha! You didn't stop. I like you.

Anyways, to be fair, I'm just going to tell you now, I'm kind of everywhere... I'll bounce from one topic to the next with reckless abandon, because I'm creative and have trouble organizing my thoughts like that.

Anyways! Back to the story...

Your main character (even if they are the narrator) shouldn't ever acknowledge that they are "in" a story, I feel like.

The idea of having a dead friend is definitely interesting; I think that is something you could rewrite into original fiction some day if you wanted to.

Kool...im jealous a bit...but I'm also lazy so maybe its for the best

Kool...im jealous a bit...but I'm also lazy so maybe its for the best

@ lovehim...more
For the most part, living on a farm is fun haha. Yeah, especially in the summer, we're normally bouncing around everywhere, doing jobs for neighbors like plowing, planting, baling alfalfa and all that good old farm stuff. So we don't do a whole lot of 'on the dime' decision making. If we're planning on going camping or something, it has to carefully be placed in the schedule. It can all get tedious sometimes, and definitely stressful, but I enjoy it.

I hope the art show goes well... And is it fun living on a farm? I mean I don't live in the city but I don't personally know anyone who actually does real farming... I imagine it is difficult at times???...

Another good chapter. It's interesting to learn new rules of the afterlife in your story.

Ahhhhhh! I can't wait for the next update! I really hope it's who I think it is

Eeekkkk a shoutout! I'm not sure I've ever gotten a shout out before thanks!!! Good chapter too! I'm surprised her parents didn't freak out at the bvb guys. It's good though

I just discovered this story last night. I was skeptical of a ghost story because I've read ones in the past that I didn't like. I really connect with your story, I am not sure why exactly but I really felt what Ash was going through. Please keep updating I really want to read more and see what happens!!!