99 Ways to Save a Life - Comments

This is amazing :)
PLease, continue :)

Love it. It's an interesting style that I haven't seen very often, and I like it.

[quote="lonna lullaby.]Reading the update makes me think back when I first started this story. It makes me want to write again. I thought this chapter was well written. I think this is our first MPD character here, so I'm excite in seeing what you have to offer us about Melody.

I saw one of two grammar issues, but nothing that bothered the flow of the story. Once again, well done and welcome on board. :)Thank you! :]]

Reading the update makes me think back when I first started this story. It makes me want to write again. I thought this chapter was well written. I think this is our first MPD character here, so I'm excite in seeing what you have to offer us about Melody.

I saw one of two grammar issues, but nothing that bothered the flow of the story. Once again, well done and welcome on board. :)

Story Review Game:

Layout:

The layout goes really well with the story and it fits well with the title. Its really pretty too! Simple, yet complex.

Summary:

I loved the summary. Somehow it makes a lot of sense while making you think. I also think that the song you used fit well with the story. It made me want to read it, simply because it was a mystery.

Chapter 1:

Slamming doors, a sound that wasn't too familiar in a house that used to be made of peace.

I think this quote opens up what this story is truly about, and what it is not. The way it was worded makes so much sense. It makes a complex situation simple, but leaves the complexity at the same time.

"¿Dónde me equivoqué con usted?

I think that the Spanish adds a lot to the story. It adds depth to the characters, and gives a glimpse of their background.

Overall:

I absolutely loved it. The whole idea for this is amazing, as well as the first chapter. I feel that it truly gives light to a situation that people often overlook. I loved every aspect of it from the character to the way it was worded. You did an amazing job.

Quote

Sing: First of all, great job, and thank you for joining in on the project! I really enjoyed reading Jennifer's story, and I felt as if I could visualize her mannerisms and everything going on around her. Your imagery was very good. I also really liked how the guitar became her symbol for hope, and her father broke that and she went tumbling downwards, progressively. The bond between her brother and her was lovely, and incredibly touching.

As for constructive criticism, there's little I have to say. My only suggestion I could make is to watch your sentence structure, because there were a few that I had to read a couple of times. However, there wasn't much of that in the story, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Great job on the chapter though. I really did enjoy it. :]

I'm very glad that you took the time to read the chapter and allow yourself to get into it. I had so much muse for it and I was surprised that I managed to get finished so fast. Normally, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to writing but I was rather pleased with my chapter and I was hoping somebody would like it as well. I've used Jennifer before with other things so she's a developed character.

Thank you for the constructive criticism! I've noticed this a lot myself sometimes but the most I can attempt to fix on my own is spelling with Mibba's convenient spell check but I can't do much about sentences only because I haven't got Word. But, no excuses. I blame my sentence structure on the fact that I type what I say out loud and...like, I don't know, ha ha. Does that make sense? Well, anyways, thanks. (:

Sing: First of all, great job, and thank you for joining in on the project! I really enjoyed reading Jennifer's story, and I felt as if I could visualize her mannerisms and everything going on around her. Your imagery was very good. I also really liked how the guitar became her symbol for hope, and her father broke that and she went tumbling downwards, progressively. The bond between her brother and her was lovely, and incredibly touching.

As for constructive criticism, there's little I have to say. My only suggestion I could make is to watch your sentence structure, because there were a few that I had to read a couple of times. However, there wasn't much of that in the story, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Great job on the chapter though. I really did enjoy it. :]

This is so good!
It's very original and not the regular "original" crap you usually find here. I am so glad I stumbled across this. All of you guys are such amazing writers. Great job.

I most deffinatly found my new addiction.

I'm only on chapter ten but i love this story. You have all done a wounderful job and I feel like im actually there, expierencing all of it. Keep updating. I love it. ♥

Thank you :]

A fascinating and interesting premise!

THis is such a wonderfully written story. I love how you extremely talented writers are able to get inside the head of your characters and make them, not quite understood, but relatable. Also, the change in POVs is pretty consistent, and I like how you change every chapter and not just out of nowhere. Everything in this story has a purpose. I can't wait to see where this goes.

All of you, keep up the good work. :-) I can't wait to hear more!

STORY/REVIEW GAME.
So I remember seeing this on the Group-Written thread and I was also intrigued by the whole concept you guys had going, and I really wanted to know what this whole story was about and now I have a chance to do so as of now. I like the quote you use—it almost shares a tad bit of insight as to what this story seems to be all about.

Now . . . I do believe ‘the story thread’ link could go at the bottom of the summary—just an opinion :cute:

I liked the summary, it’s a good cliffhanger in my eyes and now I can’t wait to read it.

CHAPTER ONE.
shockingly waking up from a lost thought.
I feel as if that could be re-worded slightly. The way ‘shockingly’ and ‘waking’ clash right into each other doesn’t seem right when I read it or try to understand it.
I would’ve put this instead: shocking me awake from a lost thought. Or something near that for a matter.

olitely she smiles and waits,
I’d prefer it if ‘smiles’ and ‘waits’ had an ‘ed’ instead of an S. Just another suggestion—it would help carry out to the next half of the sentence.

The italic doesn’t seem to sit quite well with the paragraph . . . there wasn’t much transition for the memory or flashback to come into play. So I found that bothersome. Now for this part: her voice cracked. ". . .and You used a period at the end of ‘cracked, and you didn’t capitalize the A in ‘and’ so, either revise that part, or go change the period into a comma.

As I read further I notice that the italics don’t seem to have a good transition. But . . . the flashbacks are a good tool in this story from what I can—I just believe you should use a better transition. A better way to get inside the character mind . . . I believe it would work out better that way.

Everything else was good in my eyes; I really liked it. And the plot—it seems very original from what I can tell. Other then that, I have nothing really bad to say at all.

haha I'm glad. :cute:

I can't wait for the next update. When shall it be, when shall it be?

Chapter 10;

Birds were beautiful things, weren’t they?

Beautiful, beautiful, my dear. I felt for Charlotte and I kind of understand her now, compared from the last chapter she was in. Good job, really, it was powerful :con:

Erin's chapter.

I love how you make her sound not too much like a counselor, but not too much like a friend either. Just somewhere in between, which she actually is :]]

I like her character. She seems to genuinely care about all of them without coming across as hypocritical. I love how she's not really too strong, that even the campers can intimidate her, but how she can still manage to want to help them, despite everything else.

Something about her speech, though, seems like she's not breathing. You need to put more full stops, make her stutter more, make somene interrupt her more often. To give it a nice, realistic flow, and make it seem like actual dialogue.

Slowly but surly >> I laughed at that. Great pun on a very overused line, that really describes the kids.

Btw I love how Anansi made a cameo in this chappie :tehe: My lil' homeboy.

The appealing blue sky was now covered with big round colorful balloons that fly toward heaven.

A lovely sentence, but has a drop of mistakes.

'Appealing' doesn't sound right as an adjective for the sky. Covered can be replaced with 'dotted' or something similar. You need commas between big, round, and colorful. Fly isn't tensed right. Perhaps 'flew' 'was flying' etc.

But I liked how she was touched by the things that were written on them. They fit the characters too. And I know which one Anansi wrote :XD

I already mentioned before, but good job :]

This is a very good story. I like the idea for it, and having it from all sort of different perspectives rather than one main character who can only see things from one perspective.

If I could suggest though, that you put the character's name in the chapter title. It's kind of confusing at first to figure out who's mind I'm reading at the beginning of the chapter and I had to keep going back to the summary page to check.

Again, great story. ^_^

Love Sheen

The chapter you review was eight not six, right?

And the part about Erin asking about group is right the way I had it. You would have to read and unserstand 'group.' It's like one person and not actually a group :think: And I actually like the way she's counting down.

I believe on you’re chapter six or so, you’re recently updated chapter, you spelled whether wrong, you spelled it like in the forecast, its spelled “whether” in the sentence you used.

The though you let Erin have ‘ 'Will group show up today?'’ I’m sure you meant, “Will the group show up today?” Right?

"I'm going to count to three and then let them go, okay.
One.
Two.
Three."

Isn’t it supposed to be like “I’m going to count to three and then let them go, okay? One. Two. Three.”

But overall this story is going pretty good-I like the originality it has, and every detail. It’s creative and well done. Just pay attention to the small issues like I pointed out; but other then that keep the creative plot going, I’d like to see where it is going.