I quite like it. Favorite lines are "I thought God got you pregnant." and the quite way Brendon says "Make outs?" Very adorable and childlike and cute. Very lovely.
June 25th, 2008 at 01:40am
Baby in the Closet - Comments
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i like this story alot!! update soon!June 24th, 2008 at 11:29pm
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Amazing, simple as that.
More soon?June 24th, 2008 at 07:33pm -
I subscribed. I've been a fan of your writing for awhile now, so I'm sure this will be just as great as everything else you've written.June 24th, 2008 at 06:49am
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I'm terribly sorry that I haven't commented. I only read the introduction late last night and didn't have time. I do now.
I like the idea you've used in the introduction. How Pete is talking to them about skeletons in the closet, which in turns leads back to the first chapter about how it happened.
I love Not what he had expected exactly, but okay. It seems like the omniscient narrator has taken on part of Pete's character and way of speaking. I don't know why.
Catholic enough to think abortion’s murder, but not Catholic enough to keep her legs closed. Seems to be one of the favourite lines, yes? I love the contrast used in that line. Catholic enough, Not Catholic enough. Very clever.
Her head spun so quickly he thought her neck might crack. It makes her seem fragile. I like that, like she's completely confused and she's not at all ready to handle this (but in high school who is?)
It was you who said ‘sure, Ryan, let’s not use a condom this time, there’s no way I can pregnant on my period’. I've never seen that line used in a teenage pregnancy story. Never once. It's always "I forgot a condom." Although, there's no doubt that many girls think that.
My last favourite bit is
“Do you ever see her?”
Ryan shook his head.
He couldv'e replied with a straight out "No." But he didn't. I think that it just creates a sense of regret on Ryan's behalf. As if he knows that he should have seen her but he didn't.
I love this story.
I also recced it. I hope you don't mind. :cute:June 23rd, 2008 at 11:05am -
so i feel kinda like a stalker but i subscribed.....
i feel kinda slow too, i thought it was a prequel to Muze, Daddy. haha i'm a tardo sometimesJune 23rd, 2008 at 04:04am -
This is really good :)
Write more!June 23rd, 2008 at 02:39am -
Your stories always make me smile, Dru. You're an amazing writer.June 22nd, 2008 at 09:23pm
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This is going to be amazing. I can tell.
Then again most of your stories are...June 22nd, 2008 at 08:20pm -
The last chapter was kind of cute.
Specially the ending.
And I love the whole idea of
this being a high school story.June 22nd, 2008 at 07:01pm -
Chapter One
My favorite lines:
They had been over for two weeks and he’d already returned the CDs he’d borrowed from her.
his white shoelaces
I like the detail of, "white," that's what caught my attention about this. It didn't distract, or draw me out of the story, but just gave me a better picture.
It sounded like a bad line. If they hadn’t been in their current situation, it probably would have been a bad line.
“Oh, yeah.” Ryan said sarcastically. “God got you pregnant.”
She slid gracefully from the car seat
I like this because it gives me this image of her being beautiful, or at least somewhat elegant. Because not many people can gracefully get out of a car, so the image of the fluidity of her movement is g-double o-d.June 22nd, 2008 at 06:04pm -
This is very good, better than most of the high school stories on here.
“Make outs?” Brendon tried again.
The older boy laughed. “Sure. Make outs.”
Those lines made me laugh. Talk about a one track mind.June 22nd, 2008 at 05:56pm -
I like it=)
Update?
-subscribes-June 22nd, 2008 at 05:08pm -
I'm excited, this is going to be good.June 22nd, 2008 at 08:57am
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I really like this story! Please update it soon!
Haha I liked the "Catholic enough to think abortion is murder, not Catholic enough to keep her legs closed" part.
Pure smart-ass genious!June 22nd, 2008 at 06:25am -
I have a feeling I'm going to like this story.
I like how Pete takes them each aside to talk to them. That is wise.
My favorite lines:
He asked them not to tell each other what the talks were about, but Brendon didn’t listen.
It came out a lot easier than he thought it would.June 22nd, 2008 at 06:05am -
A high school story.
Ryan/Brendon, past Ryan/OFC [Lexie].
Back in high school, Ryan got his [ex]girlfriend pregnant.
Some drama, some comedy, some romance.
The intro is very short.
The next part will be posted tomorrow.
Happy reading!
xoxox
-DruJune 22nd, 2008 at 05:04am
