The Pain She Puts Me Through Is What I Need - Comments

hahahahaha xD i loved this!

LMAO OMG KEEP WRITING PLEASE!!!! :D haahahhaaa I love this...this I wanna read a part two of ;) haha long live "bike" :P

Meh!

More please.

PLEASE.

Lots of people have said please.

Surely polite Mibbians make you want to write more...

:]

Good work. :]

Lucky

Hehe ... That was ... Interesting. I liked it, keep writing :) Oh, I have a new... story thing if u wanna read :)

That was dirty. :tehe:

dddaaaaaaaaammmmmmnnnnnn. dude, that was wicked, very dirty, but awsum!

LOL...I love this...plz go on.. ;-)

Adie, Adie, Adie... You naughty naughty girl! Bad Adie! Very smart Adie! I so wanna see that happening! I loved it! But I agree with everyone else, you should make it a story not a one shot :)

I loved it! But in my opinion... I think Adie's a little skank... cheating Billie like that. I loved this story though. Continue!

Awww adorable XD Addie's so cute.

okay, my mouth is better now :) so i can type what i wanted to type.

sorry, it hurt like a bitch. xD

haha, but ANYWAYS!!!!
i love it so far :) great job.
add on!!!

oh dang! i love it so far! :)

SHIT!!!!! my mouth is gushing blood ADSGLAKHSDGLKHALGDHALKGDS.
ALDSGHLAHGDLAHSDGLKAHGD
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

okay, sorryy.

This was quite good for your first. I really liked it. :)

It's good for a first story.
I'm going to make this really detailed since this is your first story. I'm just trying to help with your future stories. =]

''Good morning Billie.'' I reply, as I encourage myself to carry on with my plan. ''I made you breakfast.''

''Awe babe you didn't have to...'' He says, as he digs in. I sit next to him, playing with the hem of my see-through nightgown, expecting him to realise the papers laying on the tray. He finally does.

''Adie, what's with all of these papers?'' He asks me, as he takes a sip from his coffee. I take them out of his sight before he reaches one to read. I put on my most ashamed face on.

You might want to separate all the dialogue like that. I got my story suspended once for not doing that. Just space things out a little more. And realise is realize.

"I put on my most ashamed face on."

I bet you see the error there.

You have alot of the same sentence starts. You have alot of the "I did this. I then did this. I... I... I..." sentence beginnings. Just change them up some.

''Good morning baby.'' He says to me and sits up on the bed when seeing the small feast I'm bringing to him.

Instead of a period after baby, there should be a comma. "Good morning baby," he says to me...

Most of your errors are little things like that. I really, really liked the story line. I plan on reading your stuff in the future.
=]

Pretty good.
The only thing is you might want to separate the dialouge - y'know, make it a little easier to read.
But I really really love that idea.
Like, really really. ~~

I gotta throw in with everyone else--this should be continued! It was really good, especially for a first! Love the naughty word play between Billie and Adie--you do dialog very well! Thanks for the comment, and for a wonderful read. Can we hope for more? *subscribes*

wowweee... that was amazing.

for your first attempt, that was better than some I've come across in my stalking round here, honestly.

Adie was so cool with the way she casually just dropped the line about '..... on our anniversary....' and carried on, knowing that she'd make the light bulb go on in Billie's head.

and what a guy Billie is... to do anything to make Adie happy.. calling Mike up to 'invite' him over

Will we get part 2 ?

L xoxo

mmm. sexie.
sexie indeed.
^.^
is there gonna be more?!

I agree. Make it a story! hahaha. I loved it!

It should not just be a one shot :( you should make it a story :)