This is awesome. You sound just like Stephanie Meyer. Most of the Twilight fanfics I've come across are too cliche, or obvious... I don't know, they just don't work.
Wow. Like really...wow, lol. That was a great introduction for the story. You wrote it so well. It probably took you ages to complete it. It takes me a week to complete a chapter with more than 1000 words. Keep up the good work missy. And you'll get far with this story. =]