Slightly Bruised and a Little Bit Used

My eyes suddenly snapped open at around four am. I pulled away from Shaant’s arms, feeling my heart pounding through my ribcage.

“Ri?” he asked sleepily, as I hurriedly jammed on some clothes. “Ri-” he began, as I headed out the door.

I walked quickly down the hall, breathing coming irregularly as I tried to keep the tears inside. I heard him following me and quickened my pace.

I couldn’t let him see me like this. I refused to look weak in front of him.

He grabbed my arm, spinning me around and firmly pressing me to the wall so I couldn’t run away like I always do. I looked at him, feeling like I would start hyperventilating at any second.

He was only wearing pajama pants and a fuming expression on his face.

“Honestly, Riley?” he demanded angrily. “I mean, honestly?” I looked away, feeling tears spring to my eyes again and not wanting him to see me this vulnerable. He let go of my arm, and I pathetically slid down to the floor.

“Just-just leave me alone, Shaant,” I choked out. “You’ll be much happier if you do, trust me,” I said, looking away before he could see the tears silently streaming down my face.

He didn’t answer, only pulled me up gently by the arms before wiping my face and softly kissing my lips. He picked me up bridal-style and I wrapped my arms around him as I cried into his neck. “Ssh…” he whispered, trying to quiet my pathetic sobbing.

He laid me on top of the bed and got in beside me, spreading the blankets over the two of us. He tightly wound his arms around my waist.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I slowly opened my eyes, and tried to turn to figure out where I was, but I realized that Shaant’s arms were preventing me from doing so.

I settled back into place, rolling over to face him, this time feeling comfortable instead of panicked.

His eyes snapped open and I gave a small half-smile.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, loosening his grip.

“Okay,” I whispered back.

“You’re not going to run again if I let you go, are you?” he asked, only half-joking.

“I hope not,” I replied, as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Do you want to tell me why?” he asked.

“I was scared,” I said simply, shrugging.

“Of what?” he frowned.

“I don’t know. This, I guess.” He furrowed his eyebrows, still confused. “I was trying to protect myself. I…I’ve never had a relationship end well,” I confessed. “I always mess it up, Shaant. You don’t even know. I don’t know why you even want me.”

“Why’d you do it, Ri?” he asked again, still staring at me. I sighed.

“I thought that if we ever wanted to stop sleeping together, then we would stop, and it wouldn’t matter.”

“And now?” he prodded.

“And now I feel like a bitch,” I replied honestly. “I’m so sorry. I took advantage of you. I was wrong and too stupid to see it.” I paused, looking away. “And if you know what’s good for you, then you’d keep treating me like the bitch I am and just give up on me.”

“I’m not going to do that,” he murmured, reaching his hand out to touch my cheek.

“Well, then I think we should start over,” I suggested. “From the beginning.” He smiled.

“Okay,” he agreed. “Hi. I’m Shaant.” He extended his hand and I took it. “I kind of fell in love with this girl, and I’m really hoping she’ll give me a chance, because I know I won’t let her down.”

“Hi. I’m Riley. I’m a bitch and I don’t like relationships, but I’m trying because I kind of fell in love with this guy and I’m a little tired of one night stands.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” he smiled.