Forbidden to Remember

{Kellan’s POV}

‘Where is she?’ I thought when I woke up and felt Lily not in my arms, then jumped three feet in the air when a knock came to the bus door. I jumped up and seen thru the window, Val was standing there with two police officers. I looked around the parking lot and seen our rental car for the three days were going to be there was gone, my heart was racing. I opened the door and all three of them over at me.

“Where is she?” I asked. I didn’t need to be told anything else to know that they were here about Lily. I also didn’t care that I was wearing only boxers and a pair of socks.

“Mister Lutz, umm we don’t know how to tell you this,” said the male officer, “But Miss. Moore was in a serious car accident this morning.” I didn’t know it was possible for me being a strong person but my knee buckled and I was having a hard time breathing.

“Kellan!” Val screamed. I couldn’t see anything but Lily’s beautiful smiled and her deep eyes flash through my head. When I blinked I was in the back of an ambulance.

“Where am I?” I asked the man sitting next to me.

“You collapsed after the police told you your girlfriend was in a car accident.” my heart started to race again. “Mister Lutz you have to calm down.” I nodded taking a deep breath.

“Do you know what happened to her?” I asked. He shook his head no. I leaned my head back and in moments we were at the hospital.

Val and Jimmy, the two who I had become friends with rather quickly were standing waiting. I smiled at them and Val burst into tears. Once the nurse had me in a room Val and Jimmy came in and Val hugged me.

“Are you okay?” Val asked.

“How is she?” I asked.

“They say she’ll be fine. She’s alive, but she’s in a small coma right now.”

“Comas are never small.” I said looking up at her.

“They say she has been responding to touch tests. Like when they run their finger up the bottom of her foot she moves it away, and she’s showing eye movement.” Val said and I nodded.

“When can I see her?” I asked.

“Now if you want Mr. Lutz I’m letting you. You’re fine you just had a panic attack over Lily.” The doctor that had just walk in said. I nodded and Val placed a bag on my bed.

“Syn brought it.” I nodded. He brought me a change of clothes. Well really three pairs of clothes. “He knew you’d need them.”

“Thanks.” I changed quickly and we all went up to see her. Matt and Syn were coming out of the room when we came into view and Syn came over and I didn’t expect him to do what he did. He brought his fist back and he hit me. Matt grabbed him, and pulled him away with Jimmy’s help. “What was that for?” Val shrugged. I could tell she was holding something back from me.

“Kellan lets go in.” She whispered. We walked in and Lily was laying there. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I was expecting tubs and wires coming out of her body, but there were only a few. But she did have a bandage around her head and her left leg was broken. I leaned down and kissed her lips.

“I love you Lily.” I whispered against her lips. When I looked up her eyes were open. “Lily?” she stared at me.

“Who are you?”

{Lily’s POV}

“I love you Lily” I heard someone whisper against my lips. I opened my eyes and the person look into my eyes. I was shocked to see such a beautiful pair of blue eyes staring back at mine.

“Who are you?” I asked. I was confused the face looked somewhat familiar and the voice was in the dreams I was having, and I felt that he was the reason I need to wake up.

“Lily, I’m Kellan.” he said sweetly.

“How do I know you?” I asked. In my dreams he was a knight with curly blonde hair. This person had short Black hair. I didn’t like his hair it didn’t fit him. His eyes turned gray.

“Lily, I’m your boyfriend… do you remember anyone?” I shook my head no. Val started to cry again, and walked out.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

“Val, she’s your best friend well one of them.” I then asked him to tell me what happened and to tell me about my life. I smiled when we told me that I was part of a loving family. That we were engaged is what made me cry. It hurt to know that I had no memory of that. No memory of anything.

When I started crying he wrapped me in his strong arms, and I buried my face into his chest. I breathed in his sent and it sent flashes before my eyes.

“Julius.” I mumbled. He pulled away.

“Why did you say that name?” he asked.

“Who’s Julius?” I asked looking up at him. He got up and went to his bag that was sitting on a chair by the door. He came over and sat down again. He pulled a stack of photo’s from his wallet. And then handed me one.

“Julius is the one your holding.” he said and then he pointed out every one. It was a picture of me with all the kids. I smiled.

“My Julius. My little king.” I whispered. I looked up at him. He kept sowing me pictures of my family and his family. We both had huge families. When he shoed me a picture of me and him, my heart started to race. “We look happy.”

“We are.” he said. I looked up at me. I smiled. “Why don’t you get some sleep.” he said kissing my forehead.

“Okay,” I sighed. “Will you be here when I wake up?” he nodded and I fell asleep.

When I woke up someone was holding my hand and humming a familiar song. I opened my eyes and an older woman was sitting in a chair next to me reading a book. I looked around with my eyes and seen Kellan sleeping in a blue reclining chair in the corner.

“Hello.” I said softly to the woman.

“Oh honey did I wake you I’m sorry.” she said, closing her book.

“No you didn’t your humming was relaxing really, the song was familiar.” she smiled.

“I’d hope so.” she said. “Do you remember anything?”

“Julius.” I said.

“Well that’s a start. He misses you very much.” she said.

“I think I miss him too.” I said. “Do you think if I were to see him in person it might trigger something?” I asked.

“It might. I’ll call James and Heaven and have them bring them.” I nodded. As she was on the phone in the hall, I turned the TV on low and turned on a movie. The movie was about a teacher and something clicked.

“Matt.” I whispered. “And Bryan.” I said smiling. When the woman came in I was looking thru the pictures that were sitting on the table.

“Do you recognized anyone?” I nodded. I took out the picture of Matt and Bryan, and the one of Julius.

“I remember them.” I said. The woman smiled and told me she’d be right back. When she returned only a few minutes later, both Matt and Bryan was with her.

“Hey you guys.” I said holding out my arms, tell me to come hug me. Matt rushed over. “Hello teddy bear.” I whispered into his ear.

“I can’t believe you remember me.” he whispered.

“Certain things have been setting me off.” he nodded.

“Like what set you off with us?” I pointed to the TV.

“There was a movie on about teachers. And it was the way Kellan was holding me earlier that made me remember Julius.”

“Do you remember Kellan?” Bryan asked. I shook my head no.

“I don’t remember him but he feels familiar. Like her I know she’s my mother because that’s what Kellan told me, but I don’t remember her.” He nodded.

“Maybe some of her cooking will bring her back.” Matt said. I nodded.

“Yea maybe. Anything could happen.” When my brother arrived with Julius his happy smile brought back the memories of my dad and with those memories came my mom. There wasn’t a time in my life that they weren’t there together. My dad was there the day I was born and he’s been there for me since the last time I talk to him. I was holding Julius when all the memories came back. I look up at her. “Mommy!” I whispered yelled. Her face lit up.

“You remember?” she said softly. I nodded,

“And daddy too.” I said looking back down at Julius. I started humming his lullaby to him.

A few days past and memories came back slowly. I remembered Chris and Georgia while reading a no drug ad in a magazine. Charlie and everyone came back from little things, but I was having the hardest time with Kellan. He spent everyday with me, even after my family went home, and even after Val and the guys went on with the tour. The doctors didn’t want me leaving until I felt I could manage on my own. And I wasn’t feeling I could until I could remember Kellan.

I was sitting in my room by the window when someone came to my door. It was Kristen. I smiled up at her.

“Hey friend what’s up?” I said.

“Nothing much. So I’m here to help you.” she said. I nodded. She pulled out my journal. And some of the pages were marked. “I know your mad cause I read it, but I knew this would help.” I took it from her and started reading what I had written.

‘-Journal-

Kellan and I had our first real date yesterday and it was so romantic. We went to dinner and had a beautiful meal together. He’s such an amazing listener. We went for a walk on the beach and because we didn’t leave until late I spent the night with him. Nothing happened but I was so happy to be in his arms.

It was funny when I woke up and the cops were at the door. Kristen and my mom are so worry some, but it good to know that my brothers like him. Well that’s it for tonight, I’m going to sleep now.’

I looked up at her. “Anything?”

“No, um… did we have a song?” she nodded. She turned to her bag and pulled out her ipod.

“Here, it’s on here it’s one of our favorites.” I put the ear pieces in my ears and she pressed play.

I heard a guitar start playing and then the words started, my heart racing and I closed my eyes. Everything from day one came running back to me. When I opened my eyes tears were cascading down my face and Kellan was right there. It was Red Jumpsuit Apparatus’s song Your Guardian Angel.

“I remember.” I whispered.

“I know baby.” he said leaning in and kissing my lips.