Forbidden to Remember

I walked into the hospital with Kellan. I was holding onto his hand tightly. I was scared to find out why my mother was here at three in the morning. We walked over to her figure that was sitting in the waiting area. When she spotted us, her face look drawn. That how I knew it had something to do with my brother. She stood up and I wrapped her in my arms and Kellan hugged us both. When we pulled apart we took a seat next to each other turned so our bodies were facing each other. Kellan sat in a chair a crossed from us.

“Mommy, what’s wrong with Charlie and are the boys okay?” I asked softly. She took a deep breath.

“The boys are perfectly fine, Charlie brought them over right after you left saying that him and Christine were already fighting and he didn’t want them around it.” I nodded, and encouraged her to go on. “Charlie will be okay, I’m thanking god for making Christine have crappy aim. He’s in surgery right now. She shoot him in the arm but it cause him to fall down those stairs that lead up stair in their house, you know the ones that have two sets.” I nodded holding her hand in both of mine. “Lily I don’t know what I’m gonna do. When the police called to tell me that he was hurt my heart stopped, and when I told your father I thought the poor man was going to have a heart attack.”

“Where is daddy?” I asked, trying to get her mind off Charlie.

“He’s home with the boys. The poor things don’t even know their mother’s gone yet.” I shook my head and remembered my horrid nightmare. A nurse came out a few minutes later and told us that Charlie was out of surgery and awake if we wanted to see him.

All three of us made our way to his room. Mom and I went straight to his bed sides and Kellan sat in a chair by the door. After mom leaned in and kissed his cheek, I took his hand in mine and kissed the back of it. Seeing him a hospital bed made me want to cry hysterically.

“Hey sister, that’s for coming.” I smiled.

“No problem baby doll.” I relied quietly. He closed his eyes for a few seconds then opened them again. “Charlie if your tired we’ll leave and come back later on today.” I said running my thumb over his knuckles.

“Yea I’m really tired. Lily can you do me a huge favor?” he asked softly. I nodded smiling down at him.

“I don’t want you letting the boys about their mother, have someone else do it because their going to need you, and most likely want to stay with you until I get so can you please?” he asked softly.

“Of course Charlie, those are my little home boys. My crib is their crib.” I said making him laugh as I was aiming for. I leaned down and kissed his cheek. I looked over at my mom.

“I’m gonna stay, go get some more sleep then have James or Chris tell them, then go get them.” I nodded kissed her cheek. Kellan told my brother to feel better and that he’d help me with the boys the best he could. Charlie thanked him and we left.

While in the elevator going down, I was holding his hand resting my head on his arm since I couldn’t reach his shoulder.

“Are you going to be okay?” I looked up at him.

“I think so. I mean I never liked her. She was a total bitch, but she was still the person who gave birth to my nephews. She at one point made my idiot brother happy.” I said softly. He kissed my forehead and the door opened. We stepped out and made our way to the car.

As we drove I texted James and told him that mom said he had to tell the boys about their mother had died. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy but oh well. I curled up to Kellan with my phone near by with the ringer on just incase my boys needed me.

I was woken up but Kellan up from bed cause someone was knocking at his front door. I sat up and hear my name. I turned and Kellan was standing at the foot of the stairs, and the next thing I knew I had three young boys charging up the stairs. They each jumped on the bed and my heart shattered. Their little cheek were tear stained and I just didn’t what to do besides hold them.

“Auntie, we love you.” Josh said softly as the five of us sat on my couch back at my place later on that day. We were watching cartoons. David was curled up in the big over seated chair, wrapped in a blanket, he looked over when Josh said and nodded. I had one twin on each side, with Kellan sitting next us. Toby was between us.

“I love you guys too. You’re my little angels. I mean it all of my nieces and nephews are my babies and I’d do anything for you.” I said kissing the top of the twins head and taking David hand that he held out for me. It got quiet again until I heard Josh’s tummy growl for food. “I think someone’s hungry?” I said looking at Josh. He nodded.

“Me too.” Kellan said placing his hand on hi stomach.

“How about we go and get some McDonald’s?” I said to everyone. They all nodded. It was a quiet car ride, I kept looking behind me at them smiling at them then turning back around.

“Auntie are we staying with you tonight?” David asked.

“I’m not sure, it’s up to you guys. You can either come stay with me or sleeping at gramma’s and grampa’s and I’ll come get you in the morning.” I said looking at them. They looked at each other and with out saying a word to each other David replied.

“We want to stay with you.” I nodded and smiled. Kellan pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot and parked the car close to the door. We ran inside and waited in line. Ordering was easy. I already knew what to get everyone so I had Kellan take them to the play scape. I came in with the food they were sitting at the table waiting for me.

“Why aren’t you guys playing?” I asked. They looked at me and Josh was the first one to start crying.

“I want my mommy.” my heart spilt in two right down the middle.

“Yea, me too.” Toby followed his brother with the tears. I took them in my arms and rocked them both from side to side. Shhing them telling them it was going to be okay. It was the first time all day I had said that and I thought the world was going to end. David stood up and stormed off. He didn’t look happy.

Once I had gotten the little ones to settle down and start eating. I went into the play scape looking for David. He was all balled up at the very top in one of the tunnels. I pulled him to me and let him cry.

“Your such a strong boy.” I whispered to him, and he calmed down. I knew then that he believe me when I said everything was going to be okay. He must have been feeling weak. He was feeling like he was not being strong enough for his little brothers. He thought he had to be the man of the house now and be strong in front of everyone cause he was the oldest grand child. I rocked him like if he was no older then his siblings and told him that right now crying was okay and that no one was going to pick on him for it.

My biggest fear was that their mother’s death was going to leave, Charlie, David, Josh, and Toby confused on what was supposed to be happening. I mean I wasn’t sure if Charlie could handle three young boys by himself? Could David mange having to grow up so quickly to help take care of the twins? It was hard seeing them like this.