It's in Our Blood

My jaw dropped; eyes wide and body rigid. I was stunned in my spot. I could not move. It was unbelievable. What? How- Why- I- But- Since when- I- What- They were- But- HOW?!

Edward pulled Nyx in closer, holding her body like this would be the last time- which was probably true; he could ever be close to her. I saw him inhale her deeply. Nyx’s eyes were completely shut, returning the kiss intensely. She grasped the fabric of his shirt, drawing her fingers into his chest, trying to minimize the space between them.

And then all of a sudden, I felt something snap inside Nyx’s brain. The pain of realization had gotten through her brain. She squeezed her eyes together, savoring the taste of Edward. Then her hands started to push him away slowly, creating distance between them.

Her head was down, hair shielding her face, her expression. And in a matter of seconds, she slapped him.

Nyx’s head shot up, mouth slightly covered by her hands, jaw opened. She was shocked at what she had done. Whether it was slapping Edward or kissing Edward, I do not know.

They stood away from each other, locked in a stunned stare. The two of them huffed, breathing hard. The heat from their breath was visible under the light of the setting sun.

Edward stood there; staring deeply into Nyx’s shocked eyes. The two of them stood numbly in front of each other. Dread filling their bodies. The two of them were like wounded puppies, acting as though they had committed a heinous sin in front of God and angels alike.

I felt my insides rip apart. I grabbed the fabric of my shirt on my chest, similar to how Nyx was touching Edward as they kissed. I could feel a flood of emotions ringing through my body, overwhelming my being.

Desperation…

Pain…

Heartache…

Longing…

Lust…

But most of all…

Sacrifice and love.

Nyx swallowed her pain, once again she was thinking of others, never for herself. She clenched her jaw, wrapped her fingers harshly into a fist and her shoulders were tense. She gave one more look, a look I could not decipher from my stand-point, to Edward.

Nyx reached up, stepping closer to Edward. I heard him inhale sharply at their close proximity again. Her head was titled up. Her eyes closed and at the final second, she cowered. Nyx decided against it, whatever she was planning to do.

And then she fled. Her feet abruptly turned, hair whipping around and it was visible on Edward’s face that her scent clearly intoxicated him. Nyx was out of sight soon enough, Edward was frozen in his spot. His eyes stared as she disappeared.

My heart was pounding out of my chest for the two. I was scared beyond belief and I could feel that Edward was too. Who, who was it that Edward cared about the most? Who did he love? At this point, I could not tell.

I knew it was Nyx. It had to be Nyx! And whether the two knew it or not... It would kill them if they were apart. Because even through all the times that they would not speak, they would not even glance at one another, the knowledge and fact that their presences were near them, was comforting. It provided a kind of irreplaceable warmth and security and a wholeness that only they could give to one another.

I let out a breath I did not know I was holding in. Edward instantly became aware of my presence. I looked back at him, feeling my chest contract painfully. He was so broken. I did not need my gift to tell me that. I knew. I knew from the expression on his face that he was broken.

An eerie silence was temporarily placed between us.

“Why?” he asked.

His voice torn from its natural elegance. His voice shook, cracking half way through the sounds of suppressed sobs and chokes. It was no louder than a whisper but it was one of the loudest sounds I had ever heard in my life.

“Why did you have to be right?”

And then I felt myself break. The world crashed down around me. It was worse than when Jacob kissed Bella, telling her that he was in love with her. Edward and Nyx were too special, too unique, to die in such a way. How was it possible to feel like something ended before it even begun?

Edward gave me a heart-wrenching expression before he too, left. Edward’s face lingered in my mind and from that moment on, I knew two things. Two very different things.

I knew that that moment of Edward’s heartbreak would forever be implanted in my brain and that I would never forget it. Ever. Their emotions and their faces were completely shattered, all defenses were gone. The first and probably the only time I would ever see them so vulnerable and broken. The feelings he experienced today with Nyx would always remain in my mind.

And the second thing I knew… Edward Cullen loves Ashnyx Scathe. I knew it, Jasper knew it and now Edward knew it too. Somehow, amidst all the grief and spite they had put in between each other, they managed to fall in love. Or was it an instant attraction? Love at first sight? Was it possible for Nyx to imprint? Was it possible for Edward to be her imprint?

But there was one more thing I knew. One important detail that at the same time, I wish did not exist as I hope it continued to exist. Edward will not leave Bella. Everyone knew this as well. Because despite Edward and Nyx’s feelings for one another, Isabella Swan loves Edward Cullen. That can not be denied. And Edward cares too much for his family, friends and the people around him to be selfish for once in his life and follow what his heart wants.

And no matter what Edward Cullen, my brother, says to anyone… He has a heart. He has one of the strongest, purest hearts I have ever come across. He does not realize this. Edward does not realize he is not a monster. No, because if he was one, what would that make the rest of us?

Edward would not dare to hurt Bella because Bella loves him. And I know Edward loves Bella as well except…

Only not in the way she wants him to.

Days…

Weeks…

Before I knew it, a month and a half had gone by. It was nearing the end of November. Then it would be December. Then it would soon be New Years and with that, the realization that one of us may die, killed me. It killed me more and more every second.

Practices and meetings over at the Cullens’ occurred at least twice a week. Sometimes the location varied from Bison’s mansion, and by that, I do mean mansion and the forest of La Push. The Quileutes grudgingly allowed any vampires to come to the reservation for that purpose under Nyx’s order.

For some strange reason, Kieran and Aaron have disappeared. They did not turn up at school, the meetings nor have I seen any trace of them in the past months. Bison continues to reassure me that they are fine but I can not help to wonder where they were, what they were doing and if…

Kieran remembers anything about me.

Edward and Nyx have avoided each other like the plague, as if the other did not exist. They stayed on opposite ends of the room, did not even look at one another and most of all, did not even speak. No one but Jasper and I seemed to find this peculiar and if they did, it was not questioned.

The odd part was Edward was distancing himself from Bella. He was not doing it enough for it to be noticeable, but I could tell. He rarely held her hand; whisper affectionate words in her ears and most of all, Edward did not kiss her. Or at least when anyone else was around. In fact, it turned out that Bella has rarely been over the Cullen household alone. She was always with me, Alice, Nyx or Jacob.

Bella seemed to be oblivious. The happy emotions were still in her, the loving feelings for Edward, except she had a mission now as well. It wasn’t learning how to fight since Edward nearly chained her to a chair at that preposition; no it was to get Jacob with a girl. In particular, she tried to match Jacob and me together.

Every minute she was not pestering someone to teach her how to defend herself, which would not be effective against immortals, she would try to put Jacob and me into situations where we were alone. The last attempts were as ineffective as the first because I was through putting myself between Jacob and Bella.

I did not want to be the girl chasing after a guy who did not want me. I did not want to be fighting a losing battle. I did not want to be used. And most of all, I did not want to waste my time chasing Jacob, only to have my heart broken in the end. I was not that type of person.

I was just not the girl, that girl, Jacob wants.

I was nothing like Bella, physically and mentally. I was considerably taller than her, my hair was a short auburn blond, I wore graphic tees and jeans or sport tees. I wore big sneakers while Bella was petite, nice dark hair, a pale face because of her Albino heritage and delicate clothes that seemed to cascade over her body. This of course, was probably the effect of Alice dressing her up. There was no better way to describe it but, Bella was a doll.

Jacob was so winded up by the prospect of Bella spending so much time with him, which oddly enough he did not realize it was to set us up, he paid little attention to me. Our conversation, or at least he would babble on and on about the wonders of Bella and how gracious, beautiful and perfect she was.

Sorry about this Bella but…

Just fucking build a bridge and get over it Jacob.

Jasper and I have become incredibly close. He realized almost instantly everything that had transpired through our group. He was my rock. And this made me glad, proud to have such a brother now.

Brother… Family…

Those words were so foreign to my lips, to my sense of hearing. And yet, it provided this comfort that I would gladly accept at any time, any place.

Nyx had begun distancing herself slightly, just like Edward has. Only it was for some strange stupid noble reason. Her mind was entirely focused on the upcoming war, pushing all personal thoughts about her and Edward away.

She did not want to be come attached to anyone, so if the case be that she was threatened, no one would get hurt. No one she cared for especially will be used. And I knew… I knew Nyx did not want to hurt Bella as well. Because Bella was just that girl that everyone wanted to protect.

No, she was not some beacon of hope nor was she some special fragile girl. Isabella Swan was just a normal girl who happened to get involved in things she should not have had to deal with. But she was in it. And she was not willing to leave.

“How many vampires know about Bella?” asked Nyx, speaking through a throng of silence.

Carlisle lifted his head up from his hands that were laced together and propped up by his elbows on the table in the kitchen.

“You mean besides us?” questioned Carlisle.

Nyx nodded, “How many?”

Edward, for the first time in nearly two months, spoke to Nyx.

“The entire Volturi clan.”

His face was grave; a solemn air had immediately dissolved into the air. Currently, Bella was out with Alice and Esme in the garden, away from our group conversation.

“The Volturi?” repeated Nyx in a disbelieving angry tone, “Are you kidding me?”
She slightly slammed her hands on the table.

“Out of all the clans, the most authoritarianism coven had to be the one you all pissed off?!” shouted Nyx.

“We did not piss them off!” defended Edward.

For the first time in a month and a half, they shared eye contact. Flood of hurt and despair filled me, making my throat clench painfully.

“No, but you will aren’t you?” spat Nyx, “What were the conditions for Bella to stay alive?”

Edward did not reply. He looked away quickly, his still glaring at the floor, fists clench.

“Bella must turn into a vampire by the end of this year.” answered Carlisle.

Nyx gave a bitter laugh, “We are not turning her into a vampire. I refuse to damn her.”

Carlisle expression became grave, “We won’t. Not if we can help it.”

“The Volturi will come.” Bison said, resting his hand on Nyx’s shoulder soothingly, “But we will be prepared. We just need a plan.”

“Our little group is weak; we’re so small compared to their newborn army.” spat Nyx, “How exactly are we suppose to fight them all off as well as the Volturi?”

“Relax Nyx.” Edward whispered.

Nyx gritted her teeth, “Shut the fuck up. It’s all your fault. Why did you have to drag her into this war?”

Pain entered my body, Nyx’s feelings did not appear across her face but it hit me clearly. Her guilt overwhelmed the grief Edward felt when she spoke. The muscles in Nyx’s throat were all tight, her hands were slightly shaking and no doubt, her face was clammy. But if I didn’t know Nyx so well, I would have never realized these physical changes.

What scared me the most was how I’m seeing Nyx in such a new perspective. It was hard to realize the headstrong courageous girl that has come to be my family, my heroine, had her weaknesses as well. That she had such vulnerability and heartache too that made Nyx feel so devastatingly tragic. My entire heart, or at least what was left of it, went to her.

Before I knew it, the conversation was done and over with. Another day of tiptoeing around the situation. How long was it going to take before we were all comfortable with each other?

Nyx got in the Spider, throwing her bag in the back seat. I followed her lead, opening the door to shot gun. That is, until I heard his voice.

“Kari!” Jacob breathed to me, waving his hand.

I turned my head, standing up outside of the Spider.

“Kari” said Jacob again as he reached me. His warm hands took mine, heating them up instantly. I discretely swallowed the lump in my throat, “Can I talk to you? Hang out?”

I blinked several times, mouth slightly ajar.

“I’ll wait at home alright?” Nyx asked, deciding for me.

I resisted shooting a glare at her but nodded in agreement. Nyx drove out within milliseconds and sped off.

I looked back at Jacob; his eyes seemed as if they were piercing through my soul, trying to read my mind. After what seemed like a millennia, Jacob dipped his head down, resting his forehead against mine. He held my hands tightly enough to provide comfort.

“I wanted to apologize again” He whispered, “I’ve realized that I should have treated you better. I have done nothing to deserve you.”

My fringe hid my eye from his sight.

“It’s fine” I said shakily, “Don’t worry about it.”

I did not want to run back to him.

Jacob released one of my hands causing it to feel uncontrollably cold. He tipped my head upwards by my chin, brushing some of my hair out of my face. He stared into my eyes again, trying to decipher my incoherent thoughts.

Without warning, he pulled me into a hug, burying his head into my shoulder.

“I really don’t deserve a best friend like you” Jacob mumbled, his hot breath combined with his jumbled words hit me.

Best friend.

My heart dropped considerably, thudding painfully against my chest. Then I remembered. Jacob was a shape shifter, a wolf. He and the rest of the Quileutes imprint. And despite Bella not being Jacob’s imprint, if I stayed friends with Jacob, would I be able to handle it? Would I be able to handle his love for his future imprint? Because it is irrevocable and I knew it was not me.

My breath shook; I could feel my body quivering.

“Kari” Jacob whispered, rubbing his hand on my back soothingly, “What’s wrong?”

I felt my chest collapse into me; reality was hitting me in like a train crashing.

“Are you scared?” I asked softly.

“A little bit.” replied Jacob.

I shook my head, he didn’t get it. Jacob lied right in front of my face, forgetting I am an Empath. He was not scared; he was humoring me, trying to sympathize.

“No. You’re not.”

I pushed away from him, desperate to get away from his comfort. I held him at an arms length, similar to Nyx. My hands were on his chest, I could clearly feel the beating of his heart under the thin fabric on his shirt, constricting against his bulky body.

Jacob grasped my arms, holding me by my forearms. His voice was garbled as my mind zoomed out. All these negative thoughts came into my mind. People I cared about dying, fighting a lost battle, Jacob falling in love with another girl…

My eyes flickered upwards, his face once again within millimeters to mine. He was filled with concern and passion. Before I thought of what was going to happen next, I leaned upwards and closed the gap between our lips.

His lips were soft against mine. I held him tightly, grasping the broad shoulders of his form. Jacob did nothing but stand in his spot, still and unresponsive. But he let me continue. He did not stop me.

I felt warmed by our connection. I was unbelievably comforted, at ease and it just felt right. There weren’t sparks, no fireworks but I felt something incredible. Something that overwhelmed me. It wasn’t a passionate kiss but I poured all my feelings into it.

I lowered my feet, pulling away. I was breathless by short press of the lips. My hands were still placed on his shoulders. I gulped, staring eye level directly at his chest. I bit my lip, reliving the taste of Jacob.

“I’m terrified.” I admitted almost incomprehensibly. I was tearing up and I wanted nothing more then to cry. To cry and have Jacob comfort me.

Jacob stopped in his tracks, dropping his arms from my body as he heard my words. He did not speak. I dared not to look at him. I dropped my arms as I was freed from his grasp. I kept my head down, walking out of the scene. Jacob was stunned by my confession, confused beyond belief and then… I felt fear.

Fear of me.

It was that moment that proved to me as clear as crystal that we would never work. Ever.

“Kari” whispered a low comforting voice.

But it wasn’t the voice I wanted to hear. Their cold grasp turned me around. I was pulled into the comfort of someone I had not been around for a long time. Someone who I was convinced was dead, who forgotten me.

I looked up to the amethyst orbs that belonged to Kieran.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

And those words made me break down in his arms. In waves of happiness of his remembrance, fear of the looming upcoming, sadness of the days I’ll never experience, pain of the unexpected and heartbreak… From knowing I’ll never be able to compete for Jacob.

Because he was a shape shifting wolf that imprints.

I was not his imprint.

And I…

I just happened to be the girl who fell in love with someone who would never love her back.