I Accidently Kidnapped the Joker. Crap.

Everyplace, every corner was looked at twice. Thankfully, my apartment was small so I didn’t have that many places to look. While searching the house I felt stupid, I mean, why the hell would he stay here if he were free?

I let out a frustrated sigh and gave up. He was probably long gone by now. I didn’t feel hungry anymore, so I decided to watch some TV. I reached for the remote that lay untouched on the coffee table since Wednesday. Today was already Friday. ‘Holy crap’ I thought realizing how much I worked.

I clicked on the news while scrolling through the Guide to see if SpongeBob was on. I may be 24 years old but I still like SpongeBob. Gary friggin rocks! A frown met my face when it didn’t come on until 2 p.m. again so I walked over to the couch and sat down. Immediately I was thrown onto the ground.

“Ow” I mumbled rubbing my side as I got up.

“I think you broke my face,” the Joker mumbled from underneath the covers.

‘I, he, what?’ I thought to myself not aware of what just happened but I soon found out.

“Your ass is freaking hot” Joker said sitting up from the couch “I thought someone lit my face on fire there for a second” he chuckled at his own joke.

“How did you? I thought you, Hey that was mean!” I said realizing what he meant.

“You’re not a real…Aaaahhh, quick one are you?” he asked, yawning in midsentence.

“Hey, it’s early in the morning, cut me some slack.” I said defensively.

The Joker held his hands up in defeat.

“So uhh, you want some breakfast?” I asked in an odd tone. What? It was weird. Hey Mr. murdering psycho clown who can kill me at any second, how do you like your
eggs? See, weird.

“Depends, what do ya got?” He asked.

“Uhm, eggs, bacon, I can make French toast or”

”French toast!” he squealed happily like a small child. I smiled a genuine smile. He reminded me so much of my little cousin. He loved French toast and always requested it whenever I stayed at my aunt’s house.

Tick tick tick, whoosh!

I placed the frying pan over the newborn flame as I got out the milk, eggs, bread, cinnamon and salt. Three eggs, a splash of milk, a lot of cinnamon, and a dash of salt later, the bread was immediately placed into the pan and not too long after, was ready to be severed. I got everything needed for the meal and brought it out to the living room where the Joker was watching TV.

‘You mean you’ve never heard of… the… Hash Slinging Slasher?’ I heard coming from the speakers and I was friggin shocked.

‘The Joker liked SpongeBob?’ This blew me away, wait SpongeBob wasn’t even on
yet! Oh yeah, TiVo. I always forgot I had that.

“You watch this?” I asked in amazement.

He rolled his eyes and said, “Of course, how do you think I stay so happy?”

‘From seeing others suffer.’ I thought.

I placed the food in front of him as his eyes drooled more than his mouth. I looked over at him and noticed something weird. His face was painted. He must have noticed me staring at him and answered my unspoken question.

“I, uh, ‘borrowed’ some make-up from down the hall” he said with a mouth full of food.
I didn’t even want to know who he stole it from or how. A simple nod was my answer for understanding. As we were enjoying our meal, no one could have expected what came next. I think the very loud BANG scared him more than me.

Food fell out my hung open mouth as the Joker chewed more slowly.

“Puddin’! You’re alive!” the harlequin dressed figure shouted in the doorway as she twirled inside.

“Harley!” the Joker greeted her with excitement “how’d ya find me?”

She giggled and said, “A local drug dealer said he saw you da’ otha’ night. He wouldn’t say anythin’ else but I persuaded him to tell me!” she finished with gleaming eyes.

‘Psycho’ I thought mimicking Sandler’s line in Happy Gilmore.

‘And who’s this!? Puddin’, what are you doing!?” she shouted upon seeing me “And eating another woman’s meals!? How dare you!” she shouted more to me than the man seated beside me.

The only thing I could think of was ‘How the hell did she find him?’

“Who the fuck do you think you are stealing my Mistah J away from me!” Harley yelled, red peeking up from under her snow-white face.

“Let me expl-“I began to say but she obviously didn’t want to hear it. She cut me off by pointing a gun at me. I just about had it. The only thing I couldn’t stand more than people holding up traffic just because a cop pulled someone over was someone who made false accusations.

“If you would listen Harley, then I will explain,” I told her through gritted teeth.

“I don’t want to hear a fucking word you say, I just want to watch you bleed!” she screamed running at me. My eyes widened in shock as I ran to my room.

“Don’t think you can hide in this junky apartment bitch!” she yelled running after me.
I grabbed the object off of my nightstand and ran back into the living room. Our eyes locked in an intense battle as we both placed our thumbs on the hammer of our gun.
In that moment, everything seemed to freeze and grow quiet. I was so wrapped up inside my thought I didn’t even notice the police sirens and loud footsteps that ran through the hallways. All I could think about was ending this woman’s life. A friend is hard to lose but an enemy was easy to make and at this moment, we both became enemies to one another.

“Nah, I don’t believe in plans, I just believe that fate or destiny guides them into a certain direction. Most people just mistake it for a plan.” The Joker’s words played inside my head like a mesmerizing lullaby.

I listened to it and grew to love the sound. Maybe I loved the sound too much because all I could focus on was the pressure Harley was applying to the trigger and not any other voices or actions that were occurring in front of me. This wasn’t a threat; it was real. She was a trained killer and her mind was as screwy as the Joker’s. As if on cue, I fired one of many bullets inside my gun directly into Harley’s stomach.

A smirk then formed on my face.

Maybe the Joker was right about the whole ‘plans and fate’ ordeal. I didn’t plan on shooting Harley and how I felt, in this very moment, I have to say it was the best decision I ever made.

Another shot was then fired directly under her left breast, hitting her dead in the heart.

This caused me to smile.

And the last shot I would be firing, or so I thought, was placed directly between her black masked eyes.

This shot, my favorite bullet, caused me to grin madly.

I was so infatuated with what I had done, I didn’t even notice or feel the great amount of force thrust upon me as a three officer’s pinned me to the ground. I was handcuffed and it wasn’t until I was picked up that I looked at the Joker.

I expected him to be shocked, to be devastated, to be angry, but he wasn’t. He looked completely impressed. I knew this, from the sick and growing grin that covered half his face. I blacked out after that, from all the emotions and stress that I just now put my body through.

Did I over react to how Harley reacted? I don’t give a flying fuck. It sure felt damn good.

I woke in a very cold cell. My eyes were fuzzy but that didn’t last long. A hair tickled my nose and as I went to swat it away, my shoulder jolted. I was in a straight jacket. I got up off the oddly comfortable bed and walked over towards the glass barrier that held me inside of this prison.

I looked over at the next cell and saw my reflection only it wasn’t me. My hair was falling out of my braid and my eyes looked tired but a smile never left my face. I didn’t even realize I was smiling. That’s when I noticed the name above my cell. #2711. ‘Awesome’ I thought walking back over to my bed but decided to sit in the darkened corner of the room. A small clock hung just above my bed when I noticed what time it was. 12:00 a.m., Saturday morning.

“I’ve been out for almost 13 hours,” I whispered in shock. When you’re alone you can’t help but think and all I could think about was what happened in the last 48 hours.
I was on my way home Wednesday night when I hit the Joker. I knocked him out again when I got home and I dragged him into my apartment where I cleaned him up. It was then that at 12:00 in the morning that he began to converse with me. That made me wonder though, did he somewhat get inside my head and change me? I recalled everything that had happened the best I could and made some devastating discoveries.

The Joker could have killed me at anytime, that was a given but he could have left when he escaped from the chair. He chose to stay; he chose to talk with me before. It was as if I was some sort of new experiment to him.

He was actually the one in control the whole time.

He was the one who was ahead two even three steps ahead of me.

He predicted what I would do and eventually took my queen, the queen being control, and forced my king, my sanity, into checkmate, all with a single pawn.

I gave him props but even better, he had my respect. If only I knew he felt the same way about me, life here at Arkham would have been a little more enjoyable. But who’s to say I’d be here for long?

‘You never know what destiny has planned out for you.’