Skeptics and True Believers

"Lila! You better not lose this for me," Brody said, patting the tops of my thighs as he steadied the both of us.

"I won't el Cap-i-tan!" I laughed, trying to balance myself on his shoulders. "You're so going down Rena!" I said, pointing at my opponent.

"We'll see about that!" she laughed.

"Yeah, my girl's a feisty one," Zacky smirked.

"And I'm not?" I smiled.

"Not in the same way she is," Zacky said suggestively.

"Oh Jesus! Do I really need to hear about the sex?" I laughed.

"You know you like it," Zacky chuckled.

"Maybe I do," I smirked. "I mean, Rena's one hot bitch, ya know. I wouldn't mind rollin' around in the sack with her for a night," I added with a wink.

"If I could go lesbian for one night, it'd be with you hun," she laughed.

"Oh damn, is it just me or is anyone else getting turned on by this talk of lesbianism happening?" Brody asked.

"Keep it in your pants... for now. We need to win this battle before you can fantasize about me and other girls," I laughed, patting Brody's cheek.

"Would you fucking fight already? I've got good money on this!" Johnny yelled from near the shore.

"Alright, alright! Keep your panties on Seward!" I yelled back. "Alright kids, as Marvin Gaye once said, let's get it on," I said to Rena and Zacky.

"So, I want a nice clean round of shoulder wars," Sami said loudly, standing waist deep in the water near us, Jason standing behind her with a beer in hand and his other arm wrapped around her.

"Clean? That's no fun!" Brody whined.

"Shut it you!" she snapped, pointing her finger aggressively at him. "I'm the referee so I have the power to disqualify you!"

"You better not fuck this up for me Brods! I'm so taking Rena down!" I said seriously.

"Yeah right bitch! I'm gonna stomp your ass!" Rena replied.

"This is gonna be a good fight," Val laughed.

"Alright, here we go," Sami smiled. "In this corner, all the way from the Big Apple, we've got Delilah and Brody making up Team Gayer Than Your Mom!" Sami announced loudly to the people at the shore. "And in this corner, from the house next door to these two fuckers, we've got Zacky and Rena making up Team Lame Ass!" she announced, gesturing to Zacky and Rena.

"Ha, we're gayer than your mom! Sweet!" I laughed, giving Brody a high five.

"Lame ass is better than gayer than your mom," Rena teased.

"Actually, they're both shit names but they fit you both perfectly!" Matt Berry called, grinning.

"Fuck you Berry!" Rena and I yelled at the same time.

"Get it on already! I want my twenty bucks!" Johnny whined.

"Alright!" Sami called loudly. "Ready, steady, fight!" she called.

Rena and I locked our arms, pushing each other back and forth as everyone else on the shore started cheering us on. Brody had a tight grip on my thighs that would've probably hurt a little if I wasn't completely buzzed. Rena and I were laughing loudly as we continued pushing one another while Zacky and Brody kept circling one another as we fought vigorously. They were the ones that were more into this battle and Rena and I were.

The entire night thus far had been spent drinking lots of beer and whiskey, eating some barbequed burgers and hot dogs, and teaming up and going head to head in shoulder wars. It was really late now, completely dark outside with a large beach fire going on the shore where everyone else stood, watching Rena and I duke it out. We were in the final round of shoulder wars with both of our teams beating the others majorly. Val was the one that was most upset when Shadows was distracted by Brody's side conversation about tattoos that led to their defeat.

Luckily for me, I had been able to keep my mind distracted from the happy couple known as Syn and Tina, who were making out by the fire. From time to time, I would catch Tina glaring in my direction but never saying one word to me. Syn would look my way and glare when Brody and I would dance around the fire closely but I just didn't give him the attention. I was actually having a good time tonight despite his presence at the beach. I had a feeling though, that a lot of it was because of the alcohol flowing through my system.

"You're going down Dee-lie-luh!" Rena giggled, trying to push me forcibly.

The both of us had been taking shots in between matches and so we were pretty close to becoming drunken messes, not that Zacky and Brody were any better. They had been shot gunning beers all night long so they were pretty much on the same level.

"Yeah right Ree-nuh!" I replied, also giggling.

"Jesus, they're so fucking wasted!" Sami laughed.

"You would know! You've been drinking with them," Jason chuckled, giving Sami a peck on the lips.

"Ohh! Hot action! Do it again!" I cheered, throwing my hands in the air.

Jason smirked and grabbed Sami, spinning her around in his arms and dipping her dramatically before giving her a very passionate kiss. Sami was surprised at first but immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Rena and I stopped fighting as everyone started wolf whistling and yelling for the couple to get a room. Jason pulled away from her eventually, allowing the four of us in the water to see that Sami was slightly blushing.

"This is fucking boring!" Rena laughed, looking at me.

"No babe! We need to win!" Zacky whined, patting her thighs.

"C'mon Dee! Show 'em who's the man!" Brody chuckled.

I pulled Rena closer to me, whispering into her ear the plan that I had to end this ridiculous battle. She pulled away from me with a big grin on her face and nodded. I started swinging our arms in and out; both of us pushing away from each other and back flipping off the boys' backs on the third swing.

I resurfaced, laughing loudly while Zacky and Brody groaned and complained about what Rena and I had just done. Rena was laughing just as loudly as I was and swam towards me, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"It's time to get drunk," I laughed.

"Good idea!" she smiled.

We made our way to the shore, hearing Johnny's complaining about losing the twenty bucks to Val, who predicted that the battle would end with the two of us getting bored. Jimmy was lying near the fire, drinking a beer lazily and chatting with Matt Berry, who was drawing shapes in the sand with a random stick. Shadows was standing near Val, holding her up as she drunkenly swayed back and forth in her heated debate with Johnny about payment. Brody and Zacky trailed behind us, still arguing about a re-match as we both grabbed towels to dry off.

I glanced over to the other side of Jimmy and Matt, seeing Syn and Tina sitting close to each other and groping each other in front of each other. Watching both of them, I felt sick. It reminded me of very cheap porn with the way she resembled a blow up doll and he had no qualms about displaying his sex life to the public.

Shaking my head and resisting the urge to throw up at the sight of them playing tonsil hockey, I walked over to the cooler, which was near them, and grabbed myself two beers, tossing one to Brody, who smiled appreciatively at me, and then grabbed the bottle of whiskey that had been in there, accidentally knocking into them as my foot sunk into the sand a bit. Tina looked at me with a harsh glare whileBrian Syn just smirked at me. I think he thought he was getting under my skin with this public display of affection, if that's what one would call public crude-ness but in all honesty, I hadn't really noticed until now.

"Sorry," I muttered under my breath, diverting my eyes from the couple and walking away.

"Bitch," I heard Tina mutter loudly.

I just shook my head, rolling my eyes at her comment and walking towards the other side of the fire.

"I dedicate this song to you my love!" Brody called loudly, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer to him.

I heard the familiar beat of the song, making my smile and nod my head along to the music as Brody set down all of the alcohol and swinging my arms to get me to dance with him. Laughing, I decided to dance with him as he started singing along to the song. Hearing this song reminded me of times at the clubs in New York with Brody. Suddenly, I wished we were back on the east coast at a club.

"Let me tell you about a girl I know; she like hip-hop and rock and roll. She walk slow down the avenue. I ain't made about her ghetto attitude. Let me tell you about a girl I love. She stay at home cuz she hates the club, baby butt, pretty little features. I ain't mad cuz I'll get her when I see her. Baby, would you be my Corona and lime and I would be your main squeeze? And if your brother don't like my style, we could take it to the street. We could take it to the street," Brody sang quietly in my ear, pulling me close to him.

"This reminds me of the time you tried to use this Shwayze song to pick up girls back in the NYC," I giggled.

"It worked though!" he laughed.

"It only worked cuz she was so drunk she was willing to go home with anyone that night!" I said.

"Oh you think so, do you?" he asked, pulling me closer to him. "I have charm that Shwayze doesn't have. I score chicks left and right."

"If that's what you need to tell yourself to sleep at night then so be it," I shrugged.

"Aww, look at those two," Sami laughed, walking up with Jason in tow. "Having one of those couple moments. It's so cute," she teased.

"Like you and Jason don't have couple moments," I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

"Not like you two," Jason laughed.

"And why is that?" Sami asked seriously, causing Jason to stop laughing.

"Cuz babe, I'm more original than that," he said, swallowing hard.

"Original," she scoffed. "I can't remember one thing you've done for me that's been sweet like Brody."

"Hey, no comparisons. I'm a league of my own," Brody laughed.

"I could rent him out to you," I offered. "Though I'm sure Jason would whine all about that," I smiled.

"You both stay away from her! You're corrupting her with these ideas!" Jason said, pointing at the two of us accusingly.

He scooped Sami up in his arms, causing her to let out a little squeal in surprise as Jason carried her off to a darker, secluded part of the beach so they could have a moment to themselves. I laughed, shaking my head at Jason's eagerness to whisk Sami off her feet and immediately thought about how lucky she was to have someone like that.

I was reminded that I used to have someone like that, glancing towards Brian, who was talking with Shadows and Jimmy. I smiled a little at the thought of Brian and I spending time at the beach, remembering the good memories we had with our late night strolls along the shores. It was a better time when I felt secure with him. Looking at him now, I felt my heart swell when I was reminded that he wasn't Brian anymore. He was just someone who looked like the person I used to love.

"Yo Delilah," Brody said quietly, nudging me a little. I snapped my gaze away from the ghost of my past and looked to Brody, who was staring at me in concern. "You alright?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," I nodded, adding in a smile for reassurance.

"You sure? You look a little down," he said, skeptical of my answer.

I nodded again, "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm just gonna take a walk for a while. I'll be back," I said quietly.

"You want me to go with you?" he asked.

"No, it's ok. Just stay and have some fun," I smiled.

He nodded as I turned away from him, walking away from the group and fire. I felt the cool sand beneath my feet, coarse yet completely soft as I walked near the water, feeling the tide wash over my feet. Looking back, the fire was becoming smaller and smaller the further I walked. Sighing, I looked back ahead of me, trying to gather my thoughts.

There was a part of the beach that had some rocks near the cliff leading up to some houses. I took a seat on one of the rocks, looking out at the dark ocean waves rolling in from the distance and sighed, realizing how the evenings at the beach reminded me of Brian. There would be the times where he and I would walk along the incoming tide, holding hands and talking about our future days together. It only made me melancholy to think of all the promises that he once made to me out here and how he broke them all.

The most vivid memory I had of our evenings spent on the beach was from after they returned from their first long tour away from California, right before the band started recording 'Waken the Fallen'. I had cooked Brian dinner and we decided to take a long walk on the beach like we had done so many nights before. It felt different then because when he came back, everything that was wrong in the world suddenly became right the moment his fingers laced with mine.

"So, does it feel good to be back home finally?" I asked, glancing at his worn face.

"It's different," he observed. "Touring was completely fun and hectic and non-stop. I guess it's nice to have a chance to slow down."

"Oh wow, did Brian Haner Jr. just tell me that he needed to slow down from constant partying and playing rock shows?" I laughed. "I think hell has frozen over."

"Ha, ha, very funny," he said sarcastically. He swung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him, stopping the both of us from walking any further. "In all seriousness, the best part about this tour was coming home to you. I've missed you DJ."

"I know cuz I've missed you too," I whispered quietly.

He smiled at me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his body. I rested my head on the middle of his chest, feeling the warmth of his body against my cheek. He ran fingers through my long, wavy hair and kissed the top of my head.

"I don't want things to change between us," he murmured quietly.

I pulled away to look at him and smiled, "They won't."

"I know that there's a lot going on right now with the band and touring all the time and everything but I want you to know that you're the only constant in my life that matters. I don't want anything to get in the way of the two of us," he said, cupping my cheek. "You come first before anything else in my life. I won't let anything change that."

"I know," I nodded, smiling a bit as he told me.

"I love you Delilah," he whispered.

"I love you too Brian," I replied, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his lips.

I shook my head of the memory, feeling the pain of the broken promise flowing freely through my veins. I was so naïve. I should've known better than to think that nothing would change between us. I was too young to know the difference though; too blinded by the love I possessed for him to know that things wouldn't always be this way. I wished for the fairytale ending and found out the hard way that they didn't exist.

I shut my eyes, letting the salty mist from the ocean hit my skin and send a shiver down my spine. I listened to the crashing waves that hit the rocks as they made their way closer to the sandy shore. This was too much like the nights I spent alone with him. I needed to let go of the memories that were holding me back. That's all they would ever be: memories. I reminded myself that Brian was dead, no longer a part of my world. He had become Syn, someone who was in no way, shape, or form redeemable for his actions.

I felt someone drape something over my shoulders, causing me to open my eyes. I put my hands to my shoulders and noticed that someone had draped my hoodie over my shoulders. I looked to the left of me where I felt a lingering presence and felt myself freeze up at the sight before me.

There he stood, hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts and staring out into the vast, black sea that lay before us. He was a few feet away from me and completely silent, refusing to meet my gaze. I could barely make out the distinctive features of his flawless face in the darkness surrounding but could still see his tall, statuesque silhouette next to me, making him look slightly arcane in the faint moonlight.

"I thought you might be cold," he said quietly, breaking my thoughts and the echoing silence between us.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

I looked back out to the ocean, trying to immerse myself in the sounds of the waves crashing over the rocks to keep my brain distracted. I was struggling to keep my gaze outwards and away from Jimmy because if I looked at him, I would most likely break. I needed to keep my calm, reserved personality in front of him. I wouldn't allow him to see how much pain I was actually in because it wouldn't make a difference to him anyway.

"So," I said, trying to break the awkward silence between the two of us. My mind was coming up on empty with things to say, since it was my first attempt at a real conversation with him since my return. "What's up?" I said lamely, unable to come up with anything else to say.

He shrugged his shoulders, clearing his throat a bit before speaking, "Not much. Just thought I would deliver your sweatshirt to you."

"I appreciate it," I replied, fighting the small smile I felt creeping up on my lips.

He didn't say anything else. We fell into another awkward silence as we both watched the movements of the ocean, wracking our brains for something to say. I was fighting the emotions that were beginning to arise from the constant reminder of being cast aside. It hurt too much to see Brian with Tina, even now when I was completely close to being piss drunk because I kept thinking back to the memories we once shared as the happy couple Sami and Jason were. I just didn't know what to do to make the feeling disappear.

"Why are you making this harder on everyone?" he asked coldly.

"What are you talking about?" I asked with confusion evident in my voice as I spoke.

"You should just sign the papers and get it over with," he told me, glancing my direction. "It all results in the same thing anyway. Either way, you're leaving again so why not just get it over with."

"Jimmy, it's none of your concern," I breathed.

"The hell it isn't," he scoffed. "I'm the one that has to hear everyone else bitching and moaning about Brian's behavior towards you and then I'm stuck listening to Brian and Tina bitch about how you're ruining their plans and shit. I'm just sick of it. I don't see why you're so special. Why does everyone treat you like you're the good guy when you left in the first place?" he snapped.

"I left because Brian was cheating on me," I said in monotone voice, upset about the fact that I had to repeat this information.

"Brian wouldn't do such a thing," he said in defense of his friend. "I know him and I doubt that he would do anyth-"

"I caught him on the balcony of our wedding Jimmy," I said, cutting him off. "I walked out there and saw it with my own eyes so I left," I said, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall with the constant reminder of what happened that night. "I left because it was easier than going back and facing him after what he did to me. I'm sorry I hurt you by disappearing like that, I truly am but can you blame me?"

At this point, I felt the warm tears rolling down my cheeks as I spoke. I buried my head in my knees and silently cried to myself, realizing this was the first time I had cried about the situation in five years. My emotions finally got the best of me and I broke down for the first time. I couldn't stop myself this time, no matter how hard I tried. The sobs just rolled out of my body as I hugged my legs to my chest tightly, afraid of letting go of myself. All I wanted to do was stop myself from sobbing uncontrollably but I was too weak.

I felt arms wrap around my body, holding me close as I cried even more than before. I could smell the salt water soaked into their skin, overpowering my senses. I didn't move. I just continued hugging my legs to my chest as I tried to get a hold of myself, feeling the warmth from the body surrounding me. I felt a hand slowly rubbing my back in small circles as I leaned closer to the body holding me.

"I'm sorry Delilah," Jimmy whispered to me, continually rubbing my back. "It'll be ok."

"It's fine," I said dismissively, furiously wiping away the tears that were cascading down. "It's just hard to be around constant reminders of what we once had."

Jimmy looked at me sympathetically, completely silent. I knew he was probably feeling awkward at the moment since he wouldn't know what to say in a situation like this. No one really would. This wasn't a typical situation for most people. I was sure that weddings were usually happy times for everyone else in the world but for me, they were now tainted with painful memories of deceit. I wouldn't be able to handle any other wedding in my lifetime.

"Are you alright?" he asked, rubbing my shoulder.

I nodded, "Yeah I'm alright. I probably look like shit right now cuz I've been crying everywhere," I sighed.

"You look fine," he replied, wiping away some of the tears from my cheeks. "Just tell them that you got salt water in your eyes or something. We're all dumb enough to believe something like that," he smiled.

I laughed a little, "Oh I'm sure one of them is bound to believe that bullshit."

"Matt Berry," we both said at the same time, laughing a little afterward.

"You know he would believe it," Jimmy laughed.

"Yeah, it's true," I smiled. We fell in to a small silence once again as I wiped my eyes again, making sure I didn't have any stray tears running down my face. "Thanks Jimmy. I'm sure you weren't expecting to come over here and watch me cry."

"Not really. I kinda wanted to yell at you but I changed my mind," he sighed. "I'm sorry for being an ass to you," he said.

"It's fine. I totally get it," I smiled reassuringly. "You had every right to be mad at me."

"So, should we head back to the fire?" he asked.

"I'm sure we should. Lord knows what Brody's doing over there," I laughed.

Jimmy and I both stood, walking side by side back to the fire in silence. It wasn't awkward or anything this time either. It was actually comfortable now that he knew my motives for coming back here. I didn't think we were one hundred percent patched up in the friend department but it was a work in progress. That was better than knowing that he hated me.

As we walked closer, I noticed Brody running around the fire with a marshmallow that was set aflame and burning its way up the stick he used to roast it. I laughed, shaking my head at my crazy friend and rushed over to him, hitting the stick from his hand and kicking sand over the fire.

"Thanks Lila!" Brody smiled wide, pulling me into a tight hug. "You always know how to save my ass!"

"Ok, who let him near the fire with marshmallows?" I questioned, looking at the rest of the group sternly.

Everyone pointed to Johnny, who was just sitting on a log, munching away on his marshmallow happily and completely oblivious to everything around him. I just shook my head and sighed, taking a seat near Shadows by the fire. I grabbed a marshmallow and a stick and started roasting another one for Brody, knowing he would complain if I didn't do it.

"So, how much longer are we gonna be out here?" I asked taking a sip of Brody's beer.

"Not sure. What time is it now?" Zacky asked.

"About midnight," Jimmy answered, looking at his phone.

"Ah, well probably better wrap this up soon," Val said through a yawn.

"Probably," I sighed. "It's been fun though," I said, handing the perfectly roasted marshmallow on a stick to Brody, who smiled appreciatively at me.

"You know what Delilah?" he said seriously, sinking down to his knees so he was eye level to me. I looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue. "I love you."

"Aw, I love you too Brody," I smiled.

He leaned in and gave me a very sloppy drunken kiss on my lips, catching me off guard. I reciprocated the actions however, once my brain started working once again and kissed him back. Everyone else around the circle was wolf whistling and catcalling while our innocent exchange too place. Brody pulled away after a moment and smiled at me before sitting next to me comfortably and slinging his arm lazily around my shoulders.

I glanced across the fire to see Syn watching the two of us with intensity in his eyes. If I hadn't known any better, I'd say it was jealousy but I refused to believe that. In order for Syn to be jealous, he would still have to care and he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't really care about me anymore. I shrugged it off and looked away from him, not wanting to think any more about him tonight.

"So, who wants to tell me stories from the road?" I asked, looking around at everyone else.

The Berry brothers started bickering about the stories they wished to tell around the beach fire while everyone laughed at them. I leaned against Brody, trying to keep my thoughts clear of my ghost for the rest of the night. He already did enough damage today without even speaking to me so I knew that it would only get worse when he actually started slinging words my way.

I just hoped that soon enough, he would break. I wasn't going to throw in the towel yet.